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Rudy Park

Published 2015-03-22 (Image 123750)


This just in: People can get used to anything. Scientists at Tonga Technical Online University have discovered that 81% of Americans become accustomed to horrendous news after being repetitively exposed to it for more than six weeks. Participants in the study were fed with regular updates on ISIS, Ukraine, missing airliners, the measles outbreaks, Bill Cosby and Brian Williams. 100% of participants were initially shocked. By week two, 95% had progressed to being appalled. By week six, a whopping 87% were either bored or had completely forgotten about the story that had outraged them just weeks earlier. Fix your attention span, America! By week 7, 0.01% had either moved to Syria, become pilots, refused to vaccinate their kids, started eating Jell-O pudding pops, or mistakenly "remembered" they were at Gettysburg.

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