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Published 2015-02-15 (Image 122416)

This just in: According to scientists, it is not yet 2016. Hold on  Yes, ok  Sources are telling us that if this turns out to be true, it could have profound implications. Theoretically, it would mean that our leaders could spend this year actually accomplishing things. Wait, Im being told ...  Ok, sources claim it would also mean politicians dont have to demonize people on the other side of the aisle yet. Congress is already weighing in on this stunning development. Theyve issued a joint statement saying "Were not scientists, so we dont know one way or another if this crazy theory is true." We at the nightly news should stress that the theory is so far unconfirmed. And frankly were not sure we buy it either.

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