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Published 2012-01-01 (Image 74226)

To be honest, I havent been on a date in a while. I called you for the first time in three years because I just got out of a long-term relationship with a soul-crushing demon who twisted everything I said to make me seem like I was always wrong  Wrong to like Star Trek, wrong to listen to Lenny Kravitz, wrong to ask her not to yell at me. When I said "Dont yell at me," she would say "Why? You think your special or something?" Pass the salt? I once asked her to pass the salt, and she said "A real man would get the salt himself." She was always doing that kind of thing. I asked you out in the hopes youll restore my faith in romance before I get cynical and bitter. Note to self: Honesty is not the best policy, Would you excuse me for a moment, as I back away slowly and then start running?

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