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Rudy Park

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-31 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-31 Pub. Date: 2016-01-31
Image Number: 137772
Caption: I wonder what life was like before the internet. What are you talking about? You don't have to wonder what life was like before the internet. You were here! We have no proof of that. I've googled myself. There's no reference to me existing prior to 1994. No blog posts, no photos, not tweets. I mean sure, you can find my birth certificate, but that means nothing. There is nothing online that was written by me, personally, prior to 1994. Stop that!!! I found a box of old polaroids, they're supposedly pictures of me as a child. But there's no proof of that. There are no photos of me that have verifiable metadata or time stamps prior to 1994. Don't look at me like that. There isn't a single link proving you existed prior to 1997 ... so respect your elders. STOP THAT!!!
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-27 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-27 Pub. Date: 2015-12-27
Image Number: 136285
Caption: Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-04 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-04 Pub. Date: 2015-12-04
Image Number: 135996
Caption: I feel like I'm losing interest in the world. Every day, I'm just going through the motions, but … nothing really means anything to me now. Son, have patience. It has been written … that repairing your iPad will take 7-10 business days. I feel so … empty. Computer Villa Customer Service.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-26 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-26 Pub. Date: 2015-11-26
Image Number: 135702
Caption: What's the best way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings, Uncle Mort? Turn every comment political. For instance, if she says "want to cuddle?" you say … "I guess so. It's better than turning up the thermostat and contributing to the burning of fossil fuels." In my experience, they'll be too busy leaving to have hurt feelings. Let me write this down ...
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-18 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-18 Pub. Date: 2015-11-18
Image Number: 135390
Caption: I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press. Whatever, geek-boy. Tap tap tap tap tap. You're now the world's foremost authority on turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays. No one'll believe that. Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan. There is no "Crushistan." I've written a Wikipedia entry for Crushistan. You should teach a class on wasting time. Ring ring ring ring.
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-30 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-30 Pub. Date: 2015-10-30
Image Number: 134467
Caption: Today, our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington. Forty-some years ago, The Beatles wrote "All You Need is Love." I would repeat the lyrics, but The Beatles have been known to sue. I guess all you need is LOVE and a good intellectual property attorney. Tomorrow, our quest continues.
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-14 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-14 Pub. Date: 2015-10-14
Image Number: 133872
Caption: Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-29 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-29 Pub. Date: 2015-08-29
Image Number: 131662
Caption: You've inspired me to write my own memoirs. Scurrilous accusation. I deny culpability. I refuse to be blamed for a book that will glamorize the useless lifestyle of an internet-addicted slacker … a book whose mere existence is evidence society has drowned to death in a toxic swill of Doritos, iPads and online "relationships." Can I use that as the foreword?!?! You kids get off my planet.
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-07 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-07 Pub. Date: 2015-08-07
Image Number: 130662
Caption: NASA's probe says Pluto's atmosphere is collapsing! That's the kind of sensationalized headlines we've had to deal with since the dawn of headlines. What's probably happening is this: Pluto has an oval orbit around the sun. When it's close, it's got an atmosphere. When it's farther away, the gases freeze and fall to the surface. That's all. I wonder what headline-writers are like at home. Every night at bedtime they probably shout "I'm losing consciousness!"
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-29 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-29 Pub. Date: 2015-07-29
Image Number: 130393
Caption: You know that symphony I wrote in GarageBand? It drops next week. You're invited. Symphonies don't "drop," little buddy. Rock albums "drop." R&B "drops." Symphonies "debut." And they usually debut in concert halls, with live musicians. Where's your symphony debuting? Anybody-can-upload-anything-for-people-to-download.com. I wonder if I can get my tux pressed in time.
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-28 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-28 Pub. Date: 2015-07-28
Image Number: 130392
Caption: You're almost done creating a what on your iMac? A symphony. Complete with four movements, sonata, orchestral interlude … everything. I've been building it in GarageBand for the last ten years. I didn't know you were a composer or a musician. I'm not. I just plug in little bits of prerecorded music and drag them around till they sound good. What a creative display of un-originality.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-12 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-12 Pub. Date: 2015-07-12
Image Number: 128758
Caption: My gmail account is full. I can't get any more email. You can't? I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs. People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if and when you were going to reply. And the spam was fun. You never get to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts. Just delete stuff. If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get new emails again. I can't do that. Those emails are the chronicle of my life between 2004 and 2015. When future historians want to see what Rudy Park was saying and experiencing in his prime, this archive will be priceless. I must preserve my emails, much as millennia of sediment preserved the dinosaurs. The Rudysaurus Rex was a dimwitted, slow-moving species. Driven extinct by its lack of dating skills.
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-01 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-01 Pub. Date: 2015-03-01
Image Number: 122758
Caption: They never call, they never write … Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. They come but once a year. I worked and slaved, I diapered them … but they don't seem to care. True, it's clear I'll control their lives, if they should get too near. Grown kids are planets, on their own. But mother's still the sun. If they don't call this week, I'll go supernova on their behinds. That doesn't rhyme!
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-22 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-22 Pub. Date: 2015-02-22
Image Number: 122492
Caption: Rudy Park Enterprises is proud to announce its own Sadie Cohen has been selected as most obnoxious and caustic radio host of the year. Speech, speech!!! You're too kind. Obviously, every girl dreams of getting this kind of recognition. I'm well aware it's customary to thank everyone who made this moment possible. It's true I might not have won if it weren't for the lifeless jerks and imbeciles who listen to the show and write in with their stupid email questions. But you are all beneath contempt. The only person I want to thank is Rudy Park. Your shallow and insipid existence inspires me every single day. Can I tweet that?
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-21 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-21 Pub. Date: 2015-02-21
Image Number: 123163
Caption: What's that? It's my second published book. It's called "The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at my Local Café and Spends All His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet." It's just a bunch of empty pages. I know. Very meta, right?
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-15 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-15 Pub. Date: 2015-02-15
Image Number: 122187
Caption: I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's all part of my best-selling "MAN-ual" series.
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-11 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-11 Pub. Date: 2015-01-11
Image Number: 120669
Caption: My new year's resolution is to write a best-selling novel. Did you know "50 Shades of Grey" started out as fan fiction about that vampire book "Twilight"? I just need to repeat that formula: write fan fiction about a popular book and then just change all the names when I'm done. That way, my book will appeal to that same audience and they won't even know why. Which "popular book" are you going to write fan fiction about? "50 Shades of Grey." Only I'll change the names to "Bella" and "Edward," and make them all vampires and werewolves. The literary world won't even see me coming. But they'll sure see you going.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-24 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-24 Pub. Date: 2014-12-24
Image Number: 120665
Caption: You shoved a candy cane in my ear!! Ingrate. It's customary to thank someone when she gives you a Christmas gift. In my day, people would actually mail a handwritten letter to express their gratitude. But you young losers don't respect people enough to take time to do that. My ear!!! No, it's true.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-07 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-07 Pub. Date: 2014-12-07
Image Number: 119148
Caption: It's been a banner year for you, Rudy, and I'm glad I was part of it. What do you mean? In January, you almost quit to go find a better job. In February, Armstrong almost made you a partner in the café. In March, you almost started working out to get in shape for summer. In May, you almost finally started writing that novel you've always wanted to write. And through it all, I was there to taunt you and point out your shortcomings. I look forward to continuing our partnership in 2015! I almost thought of a really good comeback.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-06 write 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-06 Pub. Date: 2014-12-06
Image Number: 119728
Caption: Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook Rules To Live By? Not really. While you were talking, I was pretending to type what you said, but I was actually playing a video game on my phone. I can't strangle you because I don't want to touch your cold-and-flu ridden corpus. One of those moments I just relish.
     
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