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Rudy Park

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-07-19 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-07-19 Pub. Date: 2018-07-19
Image Number: 172984
Caption: Lost for several days on a dusty road in Utah, the café gang turned savage. No feeling was spared. No truth too brutal to tell. But then … Stop … If we're going to die here, let us not be divided. Let us acknowledge the common humanity that binds us and makes us better than other losers who would perish with less dignity. A final peaceful thought. We are superior. To other creatures. And Blackberry users.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-14 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-14 Pub. Date: 2018-06-14
Image Number: 172243
Caption: Remember Rudy Park, my college roommate? He just tipped me off to breaking news. Some geological disaster across the bridge. Wow. You should totally go cover that. I'm glad you think so, 'cause it wouldn't really be responsible to take a 2-year-old to a geological disaster. Could you watch my boy for a few days? On second thought, that's a boring story. Nobody wants to hear about that. He's almost potty trained. Sorry, I have a ... work ... ish thing.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-12 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-12 Pub. Date: 2018-06-12
Image Number: 172241
Caption: Meanwhile at a café in neighboring Canardville … Have you gathered all the regulars and local animals two-by-two, minion? You were serious about that, boss? Totally unrelated topic: Let's say thousands of years ago, a big oil company was bribing a local shopkeeper to let them use his basement. Let's call him ... oh, I don't know ... Noah. Let's say big oil was using Noah's Cafe to conduct an illegal fracking operation. Let's say this type of mining is ... a tad risky ... and let's say big oil assured Noah that his cafe would be the one place in town that wouldn't cave in. Very very bad man.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-09 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-09 Pub. Date: 2018-06-09
Image Number: 172100
Caption: What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-06-04 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-06-04 Pub. Date: 2018-06-04
Image Number: 172095
Caption: Has it occurred to you, Rosencrantz, that we are never there? Wherever we are at any given moment is but a rest stop on a journey form where we were to where we are headed. All of existence is in motion. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some great being would put its finger on existence and bring it to a halt. Even the great finger could not remain there forever, for the finger is always on a journey to somewhere else. I sense this thesis is about to go sideways, Tyrone.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-13 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-13 Pub. Date: 2018-05-13
Image Number: 170941
Caption: I'm sorry, we're all out of mocha. Want something else? Yes, I want you to run to Starbucks and get me a mocha. I'm … what? Sorry, I can't do that. You have to. Or I'll sue. I saw your menu from the sidewalk. I'm not following. If your menu is viewable from the sidewalk, it's considered advertising. If you advertise a product but you don't have it in stock and you don't cross it out, that's false advertising. And that's a crime. So what's it going to be? Are you going to run down to Starbucks or do you want me to bring the wrath of the entire judicial system down upon you? I'm not sure any of that is true. But I could use the fresh air. While you're there, would you be a poodle and get me a cheese danish?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-07 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-07 Pub. Date: 2018-05-07
Image Number: 171295
Caption: I read an article on Candorville.com about how we might not be the first advances civilization on earth. There's evident that mankind was far more advanced than we thought, but it was blown back into the stone age by some huge cataclysm. A lot of scientists disagree, but why else would mankind build 200 immense underground cities all around the world, if not to survive a cataclysm? I'm starting to think you just like saying the word cataclysm. I also read that we're cataclysmically overdue for another cataclysmic-level cataclysm.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-05-06 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-05-06 Pub. Date: 2018-05-06
Image Number: 170676
Caption: One peppermint shake, two straws. Oh no. We're back together again. In fact, make that just one straw. We'll share it. I don't want anything to separate us ever again. Two. What are you trying to do, sugar-puss, give me the mouth-herpes you caught form that Sheila? I told you, daffodil-bottom, that wasn't mouth-herpes, it was just a sore where I'd accidentally bitten my lip. And I would never have even been with Sheila if you hadn't just ditched me for that hobo. Biff Manly is a sailor who lives in a houseboat. He's not a hobo ... dear. Do you have any drinks that taste like the high seas? Leave me out of this! I see you've got a drink called The Sheila. We'll. Have. That.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-21 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-21 Pub. Date: 2018-04-21
Image Number: 170597
Caption: So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-15 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-15 Pub. Date: 2018-04-15
Image Number: 170066
Caption: Find me news about the Russiagate investigation. 841 news stories found. Specify date of broadcast. Today would be fine. Are you sure you would not rather see a broadcast from the future, when the results of the investigation are in? You can do that? Oh my god ... do you mean time isn't linear after all? Do you mean disembodied A.I. is free to move back and forth, like quarks can? I mean you should leave me alone until the results are in. (Sigh) fine ... Just show me anything that isn't about Russiagate. Processing ...
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-14 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-14 Pub. Date: 2018-04-14
Image Number: 170361
Caption: Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of. That's scheduled for March 2019 - February 2020. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word dumb ... tough, but not impossible.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-04-09 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-04-09 Pub. Date: 2018-04-09
Image Number: 170356
Caption: Where would you spend your honeymoon? Skyrim, no contest. First, my lady and I would climb the 1,000 snow-covered steps to the summit of the mountain overlooking High Hrothgar … where we'd witness the distant castle glowing silver and blue in the light of the sunrise ... as several planets hover in the morning sky. Please tell me you're not talking about some place in a video game. I'd have chosen the rolling fields of Mulgore, but that's got too many bloodthirsty orcs.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-03-01 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-03-01 Pub. Date: 2018-03-01
Image Number: 168936
Caption: If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body. That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000. Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he's concerned about his mortality. You answer should have been nothing. That alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy. I think I'd rather wait for the 7000-S. Stop it.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-27 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-27 Pub. Date: 2018-02-27
Image Number: 168934
Caption: Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm tired of holding my girlfriend's purse while she's shopping. How do I get out of doing that? Simple. Lose her purse. But wouldn't she be mad at me? I'd be in the dog house! Dog house is just the codependent man's way of saying man cave.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-21 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-21 Pub. Date: 2018-02-21
Image Number: 168668
Caption: How can you be so heartless?! I have half a mind to tweet about this! Pardon? A bus full of tiny orphan broke down down the hill. It was on the news. Yet you didn't offer them any food. How would this look for your café if you totally ignored them in their time of need? If you'd like to prepare some tuna croissants, I'd be more than happy to haul them down there for you. Not falling for it.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2018-02-16 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2018-02-16 Pub. Date: 2018-02-16
Image Number: 168445
Caption: Boss, hear me out: I'm giving you a chance to progressively cultivate optimal internal organic sources. Forget it. But a sabbatical would seamlessly benchmark high-payoff architectures so your assets could competently pursue premier content generation. You're not getting a week's paid vacation, minion, and that's final. But don't you want to synergistically drive holistic, end-to-end cross-functional virtualization? Get back to work.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-31 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-31 Pub. Date: 2017-12-31
Image Number: 166139
Caption: Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea coming up.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-12-02 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-12-02 Pub. Date: 2017-12-02
Image Number: 165445
Caption: Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-11-23 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-11-23 Pub. Date: 2017-11-23
Image Number: 165179
Caption: You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-10-23 wouldn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-10-23 Pub. Date: 2017-10-23
Image Number: 164159
Caption: Another powerful man uses his position to sexually harass women. At least it's better than back in your day, right? I wouldn't know. You see, the ladies didn't talk much about that, except to say Mr. So-and-So was a cad, or Mr. So-and-So was all hands. And the fellas didn't talk about it either. Except to say Ms. So-and-So was stuck up, or Ms So-and-So was frigid. It's like your generation was talking in code. You knew it was serious when Ms. So-and-So said Mr. So-and-So did this-and-that.
     
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