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Candorville

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101. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-12-06 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-12-06 Pub. Date: 2007-12-06
Image Number: 20124
Caption: There's nothin' wrong with your cable, bruh. Then why can't I get Foxxx News? Looks like its your TV's v-chip. It blocks violence and smut. Were you watching "Girls Gone Wild" clips on the Bill O'Reilly Show? I watch it for the commentary, I swear! Whatever, dude.
     
102. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-11-23 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-11-23 Pub. Date: 2007-11-23
Image Number: 19612
Caption: Celebrity Big Brother. So I told Kucinich he should participate more in like, kitchen chores and stuff. An' he told me he'd rather, like, end the war and stuff. An' I'm like, what-ever. I think he likes me, though. I can't wait 'til the writers' strike is over. So I'm like, WHAT war, an' he's like...
     
103. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-10-19 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-10-19 Pub. Date: 2007-10-19
Image Number: 18935
Caption: Our son's gonna stand under these stars one night, Roxanne. And he's gonna say, "Poppa, what are those?" And I'm gonna say "Ask your mother. I'm not allowed to talk about it." I said he can't watch "Battlestar Galatica" and I meant it. He's already one, he's falling behind!
     
104. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-15 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-15 Pub. Date: 2007-06-15
Image Number: 17563
Caption: Roxanne said she'll marry me if I get hair plugs, stop watching Star Trek reruns… …put on some muscle, grow a goatee, dress better, wear cologne… ...get a $5 million life insurance policy and take up sky diving… …wait. What? I know, I don't give up Star Trek for anyone.
     
105. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-05-13 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-18 Pub. Date: 2007-05-13
Image Number: 17291
Caption: "7th Heaven" is ending today. Wuzzat? Whole season's been disappointing. Maybe is Jessica Biel had dome back, it ---. Stop. How many minorities you seen on that show? You gonna tell me they ain't got more black folks or Mexicans than -- in California? No self-respecting brutha watches that corny #$%^. An if he do, he keep it to hisself. Still can't believe they chose that show over "Everwood." I don't even know you anymore, Dawg.
     
106. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-04-06 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-04-06 Pub. Date: 2007-04-06
Image Number: 16677
Caption: You an' Susan are perfect for each other. Why ain't you together? Like you said, we're perfect for each other. We've got chemistry. It's electric, dude. It crackles through the air. If we hooked up, we'd just get boring and tired. ...then we'd get canceled. Dag, they should never let you watch "Moonlighting."
     
107. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-31 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-31 Pub. Date: 2007-03-31
Image Number: 16524
Caption: Ever notice how CNN's Baghdad Reporter Michael Ware always has exactly three days' growth of beard on his face? Every day, same amount of stubble. What's that tell you, Susan? That you watch way too much news? It tells you the news is all fake!
     
108. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-03 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-11 Pub. Date: 2007-03-03
Image Number: 16390
Caption: I once heard that the synapses that fire in the brain when you're watching actors on TV… …are the same ones that fire when you see a real, live friend. …so you're saying when we were kids, I never played with anyone named Theo? Never.
     
109. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-02-11 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-02-14 Pub. Date: 2007-02-11
Image Number: 16105
Caption: Saw your blog. Great article about eyestrain, Lemont. Thanks, Susan. Eyestrain's an underrated affliction. I miss writing fiction. I miss sending my dreams off to the publishers. Oh yeah? I used to lose myself in the words you created. Oh, yeah. And with people watching TV on their phones, it's only gonna get worse. But it's always "blindness this" or "glaucoma that." But every rejection was like to sadistic fingers snuffing out the sun. Eyestrain is the black sheep of the eye-affliction family. If I just write about today's news and people hate it, it doesn't mean they hate me. It just means they hate the news. You don't say. You're such a wuss. I do say. I know.
     
110. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-31 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-31 Pub. Date: 2007-01-31
Image Number: 15969
Caption: Many officials believe our ongoing occupation of Iraq is destroying that country's government. In keeping with Secretary's Rice's warning of military action against any country destabilizing Iraq, the President has deployed naval forces to Washington, D.C. Will he successfully intimidate himself, or will there be war? But first our top story: The ongoing feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell apparently has nothing to do with Britney Spears.
     
111. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-30 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-30 Pub. Date: 2007-01-30
Image Number: 15957
Caption: In other news: Condoleeza Rice reiterated a warning today saying that the U.S. will take military action against any country that destabilizes Iraq. In a related story, the White House has dispatched the USS Custer strike group up the Chesapeake Bay toward Washington, D.C. The President had this to say: I'm confident I can reason with myself through diplomacy, but just in case...
     
112. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-29 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-29 Pub. Date: 2007-01-29
Image Number: 15956
Caption: On today's "Springer," people who watch uneducated losers on shows like "Springer" so they can feel better about their own wretched lives. D'oh.
     
113. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-18 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-18 Pub. Date: 2007-01-18
Image Number: 15842
Caption: Our top story: The President is still missing! To discuss the matter, we have Al Mendoza, senior constitution correspondent. What will happen if the President isn't found soon, Al? Chaos, Wolf. Laws passed by Congress will go without being rewritten at the last minute by the President, for one thing. Laws may actually end up meaning what they way they mean. Unthinkable.
     
114. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-17 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-17 Pub. Date: 2007-01-17
Image Number: 15841
Caption: Breaking News: The President is missing! White House sources say all that was found was a scribbled note complaining of "wrist pain" … pain caused by issuing several hundred 'signing statements" contradicting the meaning of he laws they're attached to. Here to discuss the matter, tunnel expert Khan Tryte. Repetitive stress injuries can sometimes lead to nervous breakdowns, Wolf.
     
115. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-16 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-16 Pub. Date: 2007-01-16
Image Number: 15793
Caption: In other news, the White House continues to defend the President's recent "signing statement" authorizing himself to open your mail without a warrant if he says it's an emergency. We sent invitations to constitutional experts to discuss the matter on-air, but for some reason we've had no response. This just in: Britney Spears did not do anything stupid today.
     
116. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-03 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-07 Pub. Date: 2007-01-03
Image Number: 15752
Caption: Y'know what you need? You need to get yo' groove on. I'll fix you up with a dude I know. Clyde, I'd rather read "War and Peace" backward than go out with a dude you know. (Sigh) I'd rather watch "The Love Boat" backward than go out with a dude you know. Oh. Hey!
     
117. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-12-28 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-12-28 Pub. Date: 2006-12-28
Image Number: 15644
Caption: So I'm a couple of years late, me. I can still show you the meaning of Christmas present. How much can change in two years, anyway? I can still point out how well our life's going. I mean, sure, we're broke, but … At least we haven't mistakenly gotten someone pregnant and won't have to marry someone we don't love, condemning us all to misery. And we've still got new "Star Trek" to watch on TV. What? Nothing.
     
118. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-10-16 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-10-17 Pub. Date: 2006-10-16
Image Number: 14977
Caption: 2001. Congress passed the so-called "Patriot Act" today even though many of them hadn't even read it. ZZZZZ. 2005. Today's top story: Congressman caught selling their votes to the highest bidder! ZZZZZ. 2006. Congress lets the President torture people and weakens habeas corpus, the most important legal principle of the last millennium. ZZZZZ. 2006. Sex! Sex! Sex! Congressman SEXually harasses kids with SEX-filled e-mails about SEX! Munch munch munch.
     
119. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-23 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-05 Pub. Date: 2006-08-23
Image Number: 14476
Caption: Facing mounting criticism of its bombing of Lebanon, Israel insists it is acting with restraint. Israel says it is doing everything it can to avoid killing civilians, and that it's bombing only the terrorists. Israel says its bombing campaign is as careful and precise as a laser beam. Precise, precise, precise. In unrelated news, Israel has asked the U.S. for cluster bombs that shatter and explode over a broad area.
     
120. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-29 watch television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-08-29 Pub. Date: 2006-08-29
Image Number: 14548
Caption: In an alternate universe, the events on 1773 happen instead in 2003 … I'm Wolf Blitzer! And you're watching CNN! Our main story! Riot in Boston! Several crates of tea dumped into the harbor! Here to talk about it! The King's Press Secretary! Scott McClellan! Wolf, this King will never back down in the face of terrorist threats. Other news! Michael Jackson on trial!
     
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