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Candorville

Comics about time off .

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (42 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-30 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-30 Pub. Date: 2018-07-30
Image Number: 173240
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You should like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No, thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-11 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167702
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-07 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-07 Pub. Date: 2018-02-07
Image Number: 168182
Caption: Have you ever lost time, Susan? Sure. Everyone zones out sometimes. Cool, cool. But hey, have you ever, like, dropped your kid off at preschool, gone home, sat on the couch, and then after what feels like just five minutes, your alarm goes off telling you six hours have passed and it's time to go pick him up already? That's the kind of lost time I'm talking about. Reason number 398 why I'll never have children. I'm pretty sure I was abducted by aliens yesterday, is what I'm saying.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-28 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-28 Pub. Date: 2018-01-28
Image Number: 167088
Caption: Hi, I just got a notice that I owe $30k t the city in past freelance taxes. That's right. Because you didn't file as a business between 2007 and 2013. I wasn't a business. I was a reporter for a newspaper. They paid you with a 1099 instead of W-2. That makes you a business. They paid me with a 1099 so they could get away with not giving me benefits, and so they wouldn't have to give me paid time off! That doesn't mean I was running a business! Yes it does. I see you earned less than $100k per year. You wouldn't owe us anything if you filed for an exemption during the years you owed those taxes. You never told me this tax even existed! I'm not gonna pay you $30,000 for a tax I didn't owe just because you never told me I didn't owe it! You're right, sir. If you include the penalties, you're actually gonna pay us $38,000. You're going to make me become a Republican! You know that, right?! There's no special exemption for Republicans.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-21 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157604
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the coral reefs have pretty much died off. I mean yeah, a huge variety of fish and other sealife rely on the coral reefs. And yeah, about 500 million people in turn depend on that sealife for food, jobs and recreation. But it's not mankind's fault those sea creatures decided to sponge off the hard work of the polyps that made all the coral. Wait ... what? ... and it's not our fault that 500 million people didn't think ahead and get real jobs instead of sponging off welfare fish. Besides, marine habitats are something better left to private industry. If the fish really want vast expanses of underwater limestone shelters, let them buy it on the free market like the rest of us. Besides, I was just wasting my time with all those snorkeling vacations. I should've been working. You're just trying to make yourself feel better. Newsweak.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-11 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-11 Pub. Date: 2017-02-11
Image Number: 154242
Caption: What's wrong with you? I thought sitting on the sidewalk crack would make me happier. But after the initial thrill wore off, it became apparent to me it was no different from sitting beside it. This upends the entire paradigm, Rosencrantz. It means the hereafter is no happier than the ... the therebefore. I'm pretty sure "therebefore" hasn't been an actual word for a long, long time, Tyrone. And has that realization made you any happier?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-12 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147069
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I Youtubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to off himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-08 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-08 Pub. Date: 2016-08-08
Image Number: 147065
Caption: I remember I used to have hobbies. I used to collect comics, I used to read, I used to bike, I used to go to the movies … I played tennis, I played cards, I shot pool, I whittled little Vulcan hand salutes out of driftwood … But once I had a kid, that all changed. I can't remember the last time I did any of that. It's like all I do all day is make sure he doesn't drop dead. Take some time off from that. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-16 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-16 Pub. Date: 2016-07-16
Image Number: 145821
Caption: Baton Rouge police was called 'cause someone said they saw a man with a gun sellin' CDs. The usual thing happened. Brotha didn't obey fast enough, cops rough him up, say he resisted arrest, he end up dead, an' it all on video. Then black people an' white people see two completely different things lookin' at the same exact video. I'm tellin' you bruh, Gilligan ain't never gettin' off this island. He actually got off in a pretty bad tv movie and ... never mind. Not the time.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-04 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-04 Pub. Date: 2016-05-04
Image Number: 142720
Caption: What you called me last night at two a.m. for, Big L? I don't know. I just didn't want to sleep, I guess. Every time I start to drift off, I begin to have this dream I really don't want to have. So I'm just going to stay awake until my subconscious mind gives up and forgets about that dream. I ain't never seen a man play "chicken" with hisself before. I'm going to show me who's boss if it kills me.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-11 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-11 Pub. Date: 2016-02-11
Image Number: 138874
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You sound like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-16 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-16 Pub. Date: 2015-08-16
Image Number: 130321
Caption: It all started when my son sat up for the first time. All of a sudden, he didn't need me to prop him up on the couch. And then when he was seven months old, he started crawling. Suddenly he didn't need me to carry him where he wanted to go. Then when he learned to talk at 16 months old, he didn't need me to figure out what would make him happy. He'd tell me. Then when he went to day care at 22 months, he didn't look to me for all his answers. Now he had other grownups to ask. It's like every single day, I become less and less important. Only if you're doing your job right. I was hoping to hold off on the potty training till he was 144 months.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-13 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-13 Pub. Date: 2015-04-13
Image Number: 125562
Caption: This country hopelessly broken, dawg. When that middle-aged brotha Walter Scott got shot down in the back like a dog, an' it was all caught on video … I thought "this time, ain't NOBODY gonna say the black man deserved it." I told you, whenever the police shoot an unarmed black man, stay off the internet. How anyone s'posed to stay off the net THAT often?
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-26 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-26 Pub. Date: 2015-03-26
Image Number: 124644
Caption: If you could go back in time ten years, but you couldn't come back, and you would not be ten years younger … would you do it? Only if I were an idiot. But if you went into the past, you could invest wisely and get rich. Yeah, but I'd die ten years earlier. We may only be decades away from figuring out how to end aging, or how to upload our consciousness to immortal android bodies. If I die ten years early, I might miss out on that. You know that stuff would only be for rich people, right? I've got $8,000 in an IRA.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-23 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-23 Pub. Date: 2015-02-23
Image Number: 123396
Caption: So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, for the fifth time, some girl at the bus stop beat the spit of me because I corrected her grammar. So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, the sixth time, some. Work with me here! General Hospital. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-11).
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-19 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-19 Pub. Date: 2015-02-19
Image Number: 123054
Caption: Why would you ask if I fooled around with Sasha Mitchell? Because you once told me she was the love of your life. Because three years ago, you two were texting and Facebooking all the time. Because you told me you called it off after you found out she was married. ... And because I just found out she's been divorced for two years. There can be only one reason you and she didn't run off together as soon as her divorce was final. Stop trying to put two and two together, you're terrible at math. Homewrecker!
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-12 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-12 Pub. Date: 2014-12-12
Image Number: 119937
Caption: The other night, I finally got my boy to go to sleep … and when I turned to leave the room, I stepped on one of his toys. It beeped and flashed and sang! I couldn't find the off switch, so I flung it out the window. Problem solved. Not really. It was a boomerang.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-20 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-20 Pub. Date: 2014-11-20
Image Number: 118795
Caption: That's the last time I play basketball with you, Big L. Why? The bruthas said "shirts and skins," you got picked for "skins," but you refused to take off your shirt. I don’t like running around in front of people half-naked. That's just weird. You got a jiggle problem, don't you. Be honest. I'm just not an exhibitionist, like you.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-29 time off 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-29 Pub. Date: 2014-06-29
Image Number: 112735
Caption: The first date is the worst, isn't it? It's like a job interview, only you're not supposed to ask about the benefits you'll be getting. … By "benefits," I don’t mean anything dirty. Not that there's anything wrong with being a little dirty, if both parties agree on that. ... I just mean "benefits" like health insurance and time off from work. ... Not that I'm implying you're a gold-digger or anything like that. ... Why don't we just order? I'll have a taxi.
     
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