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Candorville

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161. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-14 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-14 Pub. Date: 2014-10-14
Image Number: 117630
Caption: My blog gets 75,000 unique visitors every day, Clyde. But nobody's clicking on the ads, so all that traffic is actually costing me money. Well, have you thought of tracking down the readers an' threatening them? Good talk, Clyde. Plus it's a good way to get to know your readers. (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-22).
     
162. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-23 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-23 Pub. Date: 2014-09-23
Image Number: 116762
Caption: My Mac died on me again, so I thought I'd finally, after all these years, try a PC. You use a PC at work, right? Would you know how to fix a glitch? Maybe. What sort of glitch? Every time I tried installing an FTP program, it would also install an "optimizer," a "vacation planner" and a video of a cat boxing with a gerbil. You wanna know how to uninstall the programs you didn't want? I wanna know how to uninstall the angry-dent my fist put in the keyboard.
     
163. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-22 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-22 Pub. Date: 2014-09-22
Image Number: 116761
Caption: Zombiac … Truman speaking. Hi, Truman, it's Lemont Brown. I was in a couple years ago. I brought you a new iMac and asked you to take out its guts and squeeze them into my beautiful old 2004 iMac's chassis. Well it just died, Truman. If I bring it in, you will fix it free of charge, right? Sir, do you still have a copy of the warranty I gave you? I thought I did, but I just have a paper with "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" written over and over in tiny print. No, that's the one.
     
164. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-29 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-29 Pub. Date: 2014-08-29
Image Number: 115532
Caption: You've really never had a dream, Clyde? Never, dawg. I always thought if I met an Atlantean, he'd look more like Aquaman. Get it? The ancient Greek historian Herodotus wrote about Atlantean refugees who lived on Mount Atlas. They apparently never dreamt. Unlike you, they were vegetarians. Maybe that's why you didn't get it. You need to work on your inside jokes, bruh.
     
165. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-25 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-25 Pub. Date: 2014-07-25
Image Number: 114100
Caption: "Planet of the Apes" isn't nearly as subversive as it seems to be. Huh? My first thought was "Amazing how they get me to sympathize with the apes more than I do with the humans." But then I realized, the apes are anthropomorphized. They were basically just hairy humans. Sorry, but if I were the theater, I wouldn't have given you your money back for that either. I thought it was a well-constructed complaint.
     
166. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-20 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-20 Pub. Date: 2014-07-20
Image Number: 113319
Caption: It's like he's not even the same man I married. Dr. Noodle. How so? He used to mow the lawn every week. Sometimes every day. Sometimes three or four times a day. He used to come home from work, go straight into the shed, whip out that lawn mower and ride around on the grass for hours and hours and hours. It was a new lawn mower. I was excited about it. But now it doesn't run as well as it used to. Have you thought of getting pills. They make pills to keep Kentucky Bluegrass from getting overgrown? What? What? If it's so important to you, go get someone else to mow it.
     
167. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-02 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-02 Pub. Date: 2014-07-02
Image Number: 113185
Caption: Lionel was reading "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." You know everyone on Earth takes that line out of context? Frost is actually expressing regret there. He's torn about it. Just like everyone else, Lionel wrongly thought Frost was expressing pride. Nobody ever pays attention to the context of anything anymore. Wait ... your two-year-old is reading Robert Frost?
     
168. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-01 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-01 Pub. Date: 2014-07-01
Image Number: 113184
Caption: What'd you think of my article about why our country's waged so many wars? I thought it had a few typos. You wrote "Philistine" instead of "Philippines." You wrote "Manicure Destiny" instead of "Manifest Destiny." And I'm pretty sure "First Barbershop War" is not a thing. I mean what do you think of my point? I think you should stop trying to write articles with your iPhone.
     
169. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-20 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-20 Pub. Date: 2014-06-20
Image Number: 112733
Caption: Ever thought of getting a dog? Good idea. I've always wished I had a furry thing trying to steal my food. And you know what my brand new couch needs? Something that'll pee on it. You know what'd really make my day complete? Wandering the streets twice a day looking at a butt at the end of a rope. (This cartoon was originally published on 5/11/2012).
     
170. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-19 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-19 Pub. Date: 2014-06-19
Image Number: 112732
Caption: Did I just spit on his face while I was talking? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. She just spit on my face while she was talking. Did he notice? Her single drop of spit is sitting on my nose, taunting me. If I just keep talking, he'll forget about it. If I wipe it off, she'll think I think she's disgusting. Maybe he didn't notice. Gaaaa!!! It burns!!! (This cartoon was originally published on 5/10/2012).
     
171. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-29 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-29 Pub. Date: 2014-05-29
Image Number: 111792
Caption: Thanks for walking me home, Clyde. No problem. The streets a very different place for women than they is for men. Least I could do is walk you home and' accept the $2 walk-home fee you agreed to. I thought you were joking. Psht! Write that on your electric bill an' see what they say.
     
172. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-27 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-27 Pub. Date: 2014-05-27
Image Number: 111790
Caption: There was a two-inch long silverfish skittering over my oatmeal this morning. Lionel said "Daddy, why's it called a silverfish if it's not silver?" But I thought they do look silver. Not after someone's smacked them 42 times with a shoe. I told Lionel "Shhh ... it's sleeping." Dios mio.
     
173. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-24 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-24 Pub. Date: 2014-05-24
Image Number: 111559
Caption: It's been five months, three days and seventeen hours since anyone paid me a compliment! Well … that's probably the highest compliment there is, Susan. It means people have to come to expect you to be smart, driven, kind and gorgeous … so when you are all those things, nobody really notices. That's a pretty deep thought you had there. Thanks! ... Wait a minute. That's insulting.
     
174. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-19 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-19 Pub. Date: 2014-05-19
Image Number: 111554
Caption: We don’t want any. We ain't selling any. We jus' spreadin' the good news. Oh. No offense, but I don’t want any Jehovah's Witnesses ringing out door ell. Me neither. But … I thought you were saying you were a Jehovah's Witness. Never said that. Oh. We with Jehovah's Alibi.
     
175. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-30 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-30 Pub. Date: 2014-04-30
Image Number: 110711
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown: Scientists have discovered that gigantic asteroids strike the Earth much more often than we'd thought. Since 2001, 26 have struck the Earth, each exploding with the power of SEVERAL NUCLEAR BOMBS. Were you aware that your normal renters' insurance does not cover asteroid strikes? Sign here to add asteroid coverage to your policy for just $10 more per month. Mick E. Mouse.
     
176. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-22 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-22 Pub. Date: 2014-04-22
Image Number: 110444
Caption: Thanks for watching my son while I was working, Clyde. Whachoo talkin' 'bout? Is you sayin' you left your kid here for REAL? When you asked me this morning to watch him, I thought that was a April Fools' joke. APRIL FOOLS' IS ONLY ON APRIL 1ST! IDIOT!!! Don't be so hard on y'self. Sometimes I get dates mixed up too.
     
177. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-13 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-13 Pub. Date: 2014-04-13
Image Number: 109349
Caption: That airplane's been on my mind ever since it went missing. I can't stop thinking about it … all those people and their families. Dr. Noodle. The possibility of losing someone so unexpectedly is just … it's just not right. But then I thought back to how I felt when my uncle died. He was sick for a long time. We all knew it was coming. We all visited him and said everything we wanted to say. We got to say goodbye. ... But the morning he passed ... it still hit us like a ton of bricks. It still was just ... not right. Death is the most unnatural natural thing there is. ... Next to brussels sprouts.
     
178. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-14 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-14 Pub. Date: 2014-03-14
Image Number: 108531
Caption: What do you think REALLY happened at the end of "Gravity," Clyde? I've watched it about five times now, and I'm still not sure. I thought it was weird that a dude held up some hand puppets an' narrated the last 20 minutes in Chinese. You need to stop watching bootlegs. An' why'd they film "12 Years A Slave" upside down?
     
179. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-07 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-07 Pub. Date: 2014-03-07
Image Number: 108217
Caption: What? I thought you asked to hear about my day. How does "Susan, you'll never guess what happened to me" sound like "tell me about your day"? How's it sound like what? "Tell me about your day." If you insist.
     
180. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-06 thought 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-06 Pub. Date: 2014-03-06
Image Number: 108216
Caption: I thought you were supposed to be in therapy right now. Me too. We were supposed to talk about my fear of abandonment. Bit the therapist never showed up.
     
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