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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-03 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-03 Pub. Date: 2020-01-03
Image Number: 181019
Caption: What's your problem, Big L? I forgot to make a new year's resolution, man. I've made a resolution every year of my life. And my whole life, all my new year's resolutions have always come true. Do you have any idea what this mean? That nothing at all gonna happen to you this year? Exactly. And you know what that means? It mean that superstition be a dangerous thing? I'm too young ish to die!
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-28 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-28 Pub. Date: 2019-12-28
Image Number: 180959
Caption: Tyrone, I get the feeling the new year will either be very food or very bad. But nothing in between. We are at a crossroads, my friend. No, we are not. What we are at is an inflection point. What? That's the same thing I just said. Nonsense! My portentous cogitation had far more syllables. That's not ... sigh ... things are not off to a good start. Not true. What is happening is, we are apperceiving a foreboding embarkation.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-15 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-15 Pub. Date: 2019-12-15
Image Number: 180764
Caption: I've decided to become a whistleblower. It's the latest thing. I'll report on how the boss called his coffee bean supplier in Ukraine and tried to extort them into announcing that out main competitor, Coffee King, is corrupt. He wanted them to lie and say Coffee King bought radioactive coffee beans from Chernobyl. My whistleblower report will be all over the news. It'll prompt an investigation. Naturally. At which point, the boss's cronies on the city council will deflect attention by demanding to know my identity. I'll finally be famous! So? Nobody would even know your name. That's perfect. We famous people value our privacy.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-09 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-09 Pub. Date: 2019-12-09
Image Number: 180765
Caption: Remember that argument we had a couple weeks ago, Lemont? Well … I forgive you. Forgiveness is a great thing. But do you ever get the feeling some people use I forgive you as a torpedo? It's the ultimate sneaky weapon. It can appear magnanimous while at the same time being very condescending. Bless your heart. See?! You're doing it again!!
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-28 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-28 Pub. Date: 2019-11-28
Image Number: 180581
Caption: Hi Momma, what time should we be there for Thanksgiving dinner? Well, we would be me, Lionel, Clyde and Susan. No, Momma, of course I didn't say Clyde! Mumbled it. Whachoomean they ain't no Thanksgiving this year? It's … a … pre leap-year related thing, Clyde.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-20 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-20 Pub. Date: 2019-11-20
Image Number: 180466
Caption: I think everything went wrong when people decided not to care about the Iran-Contra thing. That's when we decided presidents could do whatever they want and get away with it. Our Democracy has been circling the drain of authoritarianism for the last 32 years. What we're witnessing now is just the big flush. It's a new metaphor I'm trying out. You should keep working on that.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-18 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-18 Pub. Date: 2019-11-18
Image Number: 180435
Caption: Mainstream Media. Can't I just say one more thing about the latest billionaire who's running for presid … I said no!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-12 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-12 Pub. Date: 2019-11-12
Image Number: 180299
Caption: 1982. Momma says I should be a teacher when I grow up. I said I want to be a writer, and she said 40 years from now, nobody's gonna read.. I said I want to be an astronaut, and she said we already did the moon, and 40 years from now, NASA's gonna be out of a business. Why a teacher, though? Momma said The one thing we know people will still be doing in 40 years is making kids. So I asked her how they make kids. That's when she said I should be an astronaut. My mama can never make up her mind either.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-03 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-03 Pub. Date: 2019-11-03
Image Number: 180101
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. That's a good choice, Uncle Mort. Of course you'd say that!!! You're in the pocket of the chamomile industry! You feed at the chamomile trough!!! Here. Delicious. Thanks. I'm glad you're finally taking the doc's advice and laying off the caffeine. That's what you think! I just swallowed seven caffeine tablets with it!!!! Forget the doctors! Big chamomile is in cahoots with big medical insurzzzzzzzz. Addiction is an ugly thing.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-01 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-01 Pub. Date: 2019-11-01
Image Number: 180106
Caption: Everyone goes through this at one time or another, Lemont. It's important not to worry about what other people think of you, if you know you're doing the right thing. It's important to get to a place of self-confidence, self-assurance, peace. Whatever. I still think your new Get your 10 psychosis treated free punchcards make you look tacky. And yet I'm at peace with that.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-23 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-23 Pub. Date: 2019-10-23
Image Number: 180022
Caption: I recommend Roscoe's Rib Shack on 47th, Burgerville on G Street, or PudgeBurger on Market. Oh, how I would love to eat there with YOU, Lemont. I'm free today, Sasha. Want to meet there for lunch? Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. I wish I could, Sunshine. I have some thing to do during the day. I am free tonight, though. You could come to my hotel room, like at around 2a.m. If you'd like to. I don't think PudgeBurger delivers at 2a.m. That's not ... Oh, never mind. Tap tap tap t-
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-21 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-21 Pub. Date: 2019-10-21
Image Number: 180007
Caption: Hi Sunshine, I just wanted to let you know I'm all checked in at my hotel I'm excited to be in the same city as you. You are? Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Of course. I just strolled along the waterfront that you once told me about, and ate at the hot dog stand you once described. It made me feel close to you. Like you were walking beside me. That's so sweet, Sasha. it's the same thing my girlfriend told me last time she came to town. That's because you're irresistible, Sunshine. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. And? And? And? Tap tap tap tap tap t-
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-18 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-18 Pub. Date: 2019-10-18
Image Number: 179918
Caption: What do you mean We should never try to contact aliens? You used to be all for that sort of thing. Yeah, but … you know that UFO the Pentagon admitted was spotted by the USS Nimitz? The one that darted off at unimaginable speeds and angles when our jets tried to intercept it? Joe Rogan interviewed the pilot. One of the viewers in the comments wrote This is exactly how a cat would describe the red dot. You can't let some random internet guy's post change your whole worldview, Lemont. Mister Fusion seems very wise.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-16 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-16 Pub. Date: 2019-10-16
Image Number: 179916
Caption: I counted fifteen punctuation errors on your site in the past five years, Lemont. It's not a huge number, but it's the kind of thing that can damage your Q rating. I propose a 3-phase operation: Hire an editor to prevent future occurrences … Have my people scrub all your past articles to correct every error ... and have a foreign troll farm impugn the intelligence of anyone who's ever pointed out those errors. When's your vacation over? You really need to go back to work.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-08 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-08 Pub. Date: 2019-10-08
Image Number: 179805
Caption: Why does your site have a Breaking News report about something that happened a long time ago? Because our country has the attention span of a housefly, Susan. We ignore anything that isn't Breaking News. So … did you like my coverage of James Madison proposing the electoral college and the 315ths compromise as a way to make this United States thing acceptable to the slave states? Dios mio.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-30 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-30 Pub. Date: 2019-09-30
Image Number: 179725
Caption: Huff here's huff your huff tea huff … huff … huff … huff … I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin? All huff across America, huff office worker are ditching huff their desks and walking huff on treadmills while they work. Can I get some water. Coming right up. Good thing I wore my tripping shoes.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-15 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-15 Pub. Date: 2019-09-15
Image Number: 179422
Caption: Hello? Hi. Could I start you with some coffee? No thanks, that might make me too excited, and I'm in a presidential debate in a few hours. I'm Patsy Milquetoast, 23rd person on the Democratic debate stage. Who? Don't you remember me from the last debate? I'm the one who took a bold stand against boldness. I thought that was that John Delaney guy, who kept saying we can't do big things. I thought John was being too confrontational when he said all that. You can't beat someone by confronting them. Um ... I hope my saying that didn't offend you ... not that there'd be anything wrong with you being offended.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-07 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-07 Pub. Date: 2019-09-07
Image Number: 179299
Caption: You know the Amazon produces a lot of oxygen, and now it's burning up? So? This a good thing, bruh. Amazon rainforest makes oxygen. People breathe it in. Know what they breath out? Carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide be causing global warming. By transitive logic, the Amazon rainforest be causin' global warming. That's ... look, for one thing, the Amazon soaks up carbon dioxide. Tell it to make up its mind.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-28 thing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-28 Pub. Date: 2019-08-28
Image Number: 179193
Caption: Joe Biden keeps doing strange things … like saying he worked with segregationists to get things done. What was he thinking? It's as if he's trying to sabotage his own campaign. He must've never read my book: The Alpha Male's Guide to Not Lousing everything Up. Is that your book that just says go home on every page?
     
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