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Candorville

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161. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-31 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-31 Pub. Date: 2013-05-31
Image Number: 97403
Caption: The guys change the channel. Can I say something? What is it? Well, judge … Yes, my pitbull ate her car … But that's not the whole story. Thug 4 Life. She didn’t have to come zooming around the corner. Everyone knows the proper way to round a corner where a pitbull lives is slowly, after honking twice. But your honor, she should've had her pitbull on a leash. He's already unfairly maligned ... A leash would make Killer feel even worse.
     
162. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-30 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-30 Pub. Date: 2013-05-30
Image Number: 97402
Caption: The guys watch "The Maury Show." I ain't the daddy! Yes you is the daddy! Yes you is the daddy! Yes you is the daddy! No I ain't the daddy! No I ain't the daddy! No I ain't the daddy! Hold on … Let's find out. We have the results of the paternity test. You in trouble now! Brian, in the case of Linda's baby, Little Brian Jr, you are. BEEEEEEP! This is the Emergency Broadcast System. We interrupt this program to say "Are you really watching this #$%?"
     
163. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-29 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-29 Pub. Date: 2013-05-29
Image Number: 97401
Caption: The guys watch "The Maury Show." Maury, I can't possibly be the daddy. We was only together that one time. An' it was the first time for both of us. E'rebody know you cant make a baby if it your first time. What that tell you, Maury? What that tell you? ... That they need better sex ed classes. Thug 4 Life.
     
164. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-28 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-28 Pub. Date: 2013-05-28
Image Number: 97400
Caption: The guys watch "The Maury Show." Brian, Linda accuses you of being the father of her baby. That ain't true, Maury. Yeah, I have 29 other kids, but I ain't claimin' one that ain't mine … … Because I have INTEGRITY. It's like I can feel my synapses just giving up. He do make a good point. Thug 4 Life.
     
165. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-27 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-27 Pub. Date: 2013-05-27
Image Number: 97399
Caption: What time is it? Why? Why you gotta ask "why?" Why come you can't just answer the question? It's insulting that you don’t just assume I have a good reason for asking. What time is it? 11 A.M. Oh good … The "I Ain't The Baby Daddy" show on. THAT'S WHY I ASKED WHY! Thug 4 Life. Thank God For Culture Clash.
     
166. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-21 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-21 Pub. Date: 2013-04-21
Image Number: 95578
Caption: All I'm saying is, if you're going to tell a science fiction joke, it can't be about something so obscure. It's not obscure, it was on TV for five years! I still don’t see why "in and alternate universe, they're rebooting 'Sliders'" is funny. I can't explain it to you. No joke is funny once it's explained. (Sigh.) Fine. "Sliders" was a show about alternate universes. Apparently you can explain why a joke is NOT funny. I don't get it. What do you mean?
     
167. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-12 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-12 Pub. Date: 2013-04-12
Image Number: 95576
Caption: Lemont calls to cancel his cable. Sir, before you go ... What if I gave you all the channels you want, plus free HBO for a year, for half what we charge you now? I'd say if you can afford to do that, you must've been overcharging me all this time ... but whatever. I'll give you one more chance. I'll take it. Thank you, sir! You won't be sorry. The one who's less in love controls the relationship. (Originally published on 2011-09-02).
     
168. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-11 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-11 Pub. Date: 2013-04-11
Image Number: 95575
Caption: Lemont talks to his cable provider. You're right, satellite would end up being just as expensive. Glad you realized that! Doesn't mean I'm coming back to you. I've been thinking ... Almost everything I watch is online. Maybe I'll just get a Roku box and stream on Netflix and Hulu for $20/month. It's really over, isn't it. You'll find another man who won't mind paying $120 for the Sewing Channel. (Originally published on 2011-09-01).
     
169. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-10 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-10 Pub. Date: 2013-04-10
Image Number: 95574
Caption: Lemont talks to Brian at Concast cable. Didn't we give you HBO free for six months? When you were down, didn't we come over promptly to service you? Go ahead, try satellite. You'll come crawling back here when their six-month special is over and they get just as expensive as us. ok. 'Bye. WAIT! What if ... What if we change? It's too late, Brian. (Originally published on 2011-08-31).
     
170. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-09 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-09 Pub. Date: 2013-04-09
Image Number: 95573
Caption: Lemont cancels his Concast cable service. If you don't mind my asking, why are you leaving us? Was it us? Did we not meet your needs? No, it's just I want to see other TV. Maybe satellite. What? Are you serious? What does satellite have that we don't have? Cheaper, better programming. Better box ... Aside from that. (Originally published on 2011-08-30).
     
171. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-08 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-08 Pub. Date: 2013-04-08
Image Number: 95572
Caption: Hello, you've reached Concast cable, this is Brian. How may I hinder you? I'd like to cancel my service. Very funny. Excuse me? This is a joke, right? It's not happening. This is happening, Brian. But we've been together for ten years ... We never even knew there was a problem. (Originally published on 2011-08-29).
     
172. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-02 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-02 Pub. Date: 2013-04-02
Image Number: 95255
Caption: Many cable shows are pulling in better ratings than network shows. In response, the networks are making drastic changes. ABC has announced they're renaming "The View." Starting tomorrow it will be called "The Walking Dead." And from now on, Fox's "Bones" will be called "The Walking Dead." We now return you to a classic episode of "The Walking Dead Trek," already in progress. " ... He's UN-dead, Jim."
     
173. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-29 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-29 Pub. Date: 2013-03-29
Image Number: 95007
Caption: The Drudge Report was right. Hollywood was shocked when "The Bible" miniseries beat out everything else on TV. Produced by Faith. Just goes to show you how out of touch they are with the rest of America. Produced by Faith. "Hollywood" made "The Bible." And "Highway to Heaven." And hundreds of other things like that. See? They're even out of touch with how out of touch they are. Produced by Faith.
     
174. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-26 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-26 Pub. Date: 2013-03-26
Image Number: 95004
Caption: No, I'd rather not watch "Game of Thrones" with you. How can you watch all that stuff on HBO? It’s all just the same show in different settings. A half-dozen characters butchering and betraying each other, an innocent one who gets corrupted, and butt-naked women. The last thing you said sort of made me forget all the other stuff you said. Never mind.
     
175. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-24 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-24 Pub. Date: 2013-03-24
Image Number: 94390
Caption: Gregs-list.org. Jobs: TV-video/find talent. Trained polar bear for commercial. Search. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Gregs-list.org. Results: EXPERIENCED, trained polar bear available for freelance work. 20 years of commercial, film and television experience. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Multiple awards, including an Oscar, a Clio, and a Blue Ribbon at the Los Angeles County Fair. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Recent clients include Tyler Perry, Burger Queen, Taco Alarm and Animal Planet. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. My day rate is six endangered seals and two fishermen all doused in oyster sauce. Please send details about your project and note whether your skull is sweet or tangy. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
     
176. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-15 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-15 Pub. Date: 2013-03-15
Image Number: 94592
Caption: The ad agency of McMahon, Tate, Stevens & Evans may be plotting a hostile takeover. This is bad for everyone. Us, clients … everyone. You don't know that. Name one major merger that didn't lead to massive layoffs and price increases. There was the time Detective Munch from "Homicide" joined "Law & Order SVU." IN REAL LIFE. (Cartoon originally published 2011-04-22).
     
177. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-08 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-08 Pub. Date: 2013-03-08
Image Number: 94134
Caption: Maybe you and Lemont aren't destined to be together after all. You're so very different. He's a sci-fi fanatic, but you watch Lifetime movies. He loves Korean food, but you can't stand it. He's got a two-year-old, but you don’t want kids. How on Earth do you know all this? You're a private person, but he blogs about everything.
     
178. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-21 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-21 Pub. Date: 2013-02-21
Image Number: 93618
Caption: You've reached Concast Cable. You have a past due balance of $198 for the month of January. How would like to remedy this? By credit card? By PayPal? By cancelling your overpriced service and finding something better to do with my time that sit in front of my TV. What if I gave you $10 off for the next six months? Ok.
     
179. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-20 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-20 Pub. Date: 2013-01-20
Image Number: 92314
Caption: You think there'll ever be a short President? I doubt it. The shortest President we ever had was James Madison. He was 5'4". Thug 4 Life. But since the TV age, the shortest one was Truman, at 5'9". Reagan was 6'1". Bush Sr. and Clinton were 6'2". Obama is 6'1". Even W. was inch shy of 6'. I know all this for no particular reason. Thug 4 Life. I'm just good with trivia. Thug 4 Life. Short bruthas always be knowin' exactly how tall e'rebody is. 5'6" AND 3/8THS IS NOT "SHORT"!
     
180. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-18 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-18 Pub. Date: 2013-01-18
Image Number: 92333
Caption: She blew it, Clyde. Who blew what? What are you talking about, Big L? Thug 4 Life. The whole reason I thought about dating Susan was because I thought maybe she and I would be compatible. … So I tested her. I asked her out in Klingon, and she didn’t have any idea what I said. Thug 4 Life. I blew it. Your standards is too high. ... Or low. ... Or something. Thug 4 Life.
     
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