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Candorville

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101. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-19 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-19 Pub. Date: 2015-07-19
Image Number: 129280
Caption: How many fights you think I been in in my life, Big L? I try not to think about it, Clyde. I figure as long as I don’t have statistics about the horrible details of your life, I can pretend you're actually a good person. Denial is a skill I began honing at an early age, when I first saw "Galactica 1980". If I could convince myself that show was good, I could convince myself of anything. No offense. I started a fight exactly ... For the love of god, man, don't ruin our friendship!
     
102. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-05 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-05 Pub. Date: 2015-07-05
Image Number: 128670
Caption: But if you just watch. I ain't wanna talk about this, Big L. But why can't we talk about it? 'Cause there only so many words we get to hear an' say before we die. The average person say 370,110,001 words in his lifetime, bruh. Way I see it, I ain't got but 180,000,000 left. I ain't gonna waste nary a one of them on that corny @*$%. Besides, Star Track Next Generation been off the air 20 years now, bruh. I'm just saying, once you notice Worf doesn't have any ears, you can't ever unnotice it.
     
103. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-28 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-28 Pub. Date: 2015-06-28
Image Number: 128375
Caption: Hello Concast Cable? This is Lemont Brown. I'd like you to stop calling me. You don't really want that. Yes, I do. Stop trying to get me back. It's over. It's satellite … isn't it? I could give you more than satellite gives you … just give me a chance. No, its not ... Listen, it's not you, it's not satellite. A couple years ago, I discovered Roku. And all of a sudden, Roku gave me Netflix, and Hulu, and Crackle on my tv ... and all of a sudden I had what I never knew I'd been missing. So you see, it's not you, Concast ... it's me. You're just saying that. Yeah. I am. it IS you. You and your stupid van and your smug attitude and your crazy hidden fees. It would be a shame if I were to raise your broadband bill and then you couldn't afford to stream Netflix. See? This! This is exactly the sort of thing that made me leave you!
     
104. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-26 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-26 Pub. Date: 2015-06-26
Image Number: 128675
Caption: I wish I could visit the alternate universe where the Kennedy brothers had never been assassinated. In that universe, we never escalated in Vietnam, Nixon was never president, we never ended the Apollo program … I was born on the moon, Carter and Reagan were never presidents, so Iran never turned out to be what it is and we never helped create all these terrorists ... and "Chappelle's Show" never went off the air. You really need to let that go, Lemont.
     
105. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-10 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-10 Pub. Date: 2015-06-10
Image Number: 128069
Caption: What do you think of The X-Files coming back, Clyde? You gonna watch it? Nah, bruh, there was a time an' place for that spit, an' this ain't it no more. Back then, trenchcoats was cool. That was before Columbine. Back then, secret government conspiracies was just fiction. That was before Edward Snowman. Back then, you had a high-top fade and parachute pants. Now you ain't got no hair an' you make regular pants look like parachute pants. I've only gained 30 pounds!
     
106. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-30 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-30 Pub. Date: 2015-05-30
Image Number: 127505
Caption: I got so angry at "The Flash" the other day. Flash went to the super-villain Captain Cold for help. Dr. Noodle. And Captain Cold knew he was Barry Allen. In fact, everyone on the whole show knows his secret identity. Ph.D. I kind of flipped out when I realized that. Why'd I even care? You were jealous. All those people knowing his true identity reminded you you have very few close friends who know the real you. Shut up. You don't know me.
     
107. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-18 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-18 Pub. Date: 2015-05-18
Image Number: 127171
Caption: Did you know we spend $2 billion a week in Afghanistan, Susan? Do you know how many Americans could have health insurance for $2 billion a week? Do you know how many roads and bridges and tracks we could fix for $2 billion a week? Do you know how many episodes of a new "Star Trek" show we could produce for $2 billion a week? I mean ... Do you know how many hungry Americans we could feed for $2 billion a week?
     
108. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-02 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-02 Pub. Date: 2015-05-02
Image Number: 126135
Caption: OK, I have to admit, that was a really good film. What was your favorite part? Avengers. My favorite part was seeing Elizabeth Olsen play the Scarlet Witch. I remember when she was the baby on "Full House." So not only did I get to feel incredibly old, I also got to be distracted by the image of "Uncle Jessie" singing to her that kept running through my head. She wasn't on "Full House." Those were her older twin sisters. Avengers. Well then they should've put "she wasn't on' Full House'" on the posters.
     
109. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-29 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-29 Pub. Date: 2015-04-29
Image Number: 126132
Caption: My son keeps loading 'The Cosby Show' on Hulu. What fo'? Cosby ain't never been funny. He always been boring as @#$% an' I ain't never liked him. Cosby ain't nothin' now, Cosby ain't never been nothin', and I always thought he was creepy. People always try to go back and pretend they were right about someone all along. He ain't never made me laugh. Not even once!
     
110. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-23 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-23 Pub. Date: 2015-04-23
Image Number: 125857
Caption: Dang, bruh … American Idol be really, really bad this year. Where they be findin' all these mediocre singers? I can't picture not a one of them bein' on the radio. This is the best they can find in a country of 320 million people? If I were a conspiracy theorist, I'd say it's no coincidence they're getting us used to voting for mediocre talent just as the presidential election season starts. When "Gilligan Island" be on?
     
111. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-18 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-18 Pub. Date: 2015-04-18
Image Number: 125567
Caption: This just in: The Afghanistan war appears not to be over after all. An American soldier was just … Click. More and more states are passing restrictive voter ID laws, eliminating early voting, and passing other laws that many say will make it harder for black ... Click. In response to California's epic drought, the governor has ordered people to shower no more than once a month ... Click. Gilligaaaan ... The Skipper tooooo ... The millionaire ...
     
112. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-06 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-06 Pub. Date: 2015-04-06
Image Number: 125198
Caption: I can't stand ISIS, Big L. They ruined everything. "ISIS" used to be the best woman name there was. 'Member that show "The Secrets of Isis" from the seventies? A hot archeologists find a amulet … that let her turn into a even hotter Egyptian superhero. I ain't NEVER seen a woman that fine since, Big L. Clyde ... I changed my mind. Let's not talk politics. I'ma Youtube the mess outta that when I get home.
     
113. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-04 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-04 Pub. Date: 2015-04-04
Image Number: 124962
Caption: I just watched "Rescue from Gilligan's Island" on Youtube. After all those years, they finally made it home and were welcomed as heroes. Then they went their own separate ways and tried to resume their lives. Only they realized their journey had changed them so much they no longer fit into their old lives, so they got back together and sailed off into the unknown. It's been 14 years. You really need to get over it. Even Gilligan's Island had a better ending that Star Trek: Voyager.
     
114. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-31 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-31 Pub. Date: 2015-03-31
Image Number: 124958
Caption: All right, I'll admit it: There were just way to many plot twists in the "Empire" season finale. First you find out that thing about Lucious … then there's what Hakeem does to Lucious … then there's what Dre and Rhonda do to Uncle Vernon … then there's what Dre, Rhonda, Cookie, Vernon and Hakeem do to Jamal ... then there's what Vernon and Cookie do to Lucious ... This still doesn't explain why you only really have two friends. Fewer friends means fewer people who can DO to me.
     
115. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-30 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-30 Pub. Date: 2015-03-30
Image Number: 124957
Caption: Did you watch the "Empire" finale? Yeh. Weeks ago. Where you been at? I just barely got caught up on the whole season on Hulu. Listen, bruh … you want me to talk to you about a show, you gotta be on C-Dog schedule. Watch it when I do or you outta luck. Nobody watches anything at the same time anymore, Clyde. That's probably why don't nobody get along no more.
     
116. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-21 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-21 Pub. Date: 2015-03-21
Image Number: 124249
Caption: Emails. We got people hungry, bridges fallin' down, people sick … an' all anyone be talkin' 'bout last week was some #$%& emails. This country unbelievable, bruh. (A) It's alarming when our leaders act like they have something to hide … and (B) Since when do you watch the news? They interrupted "Gilligan's Island" widdat *$%# press conference.
     
117. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-01 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-01 Pub. Date: 2015-03-01
Image Number: 123057
Caption: I'm so sick of Hollywood values. They clearly have nothing but hatred for America. That's nonsense. Why do you think Hollywood makes billions of dollars from millions of Americans every year? All those "Hollywood" values are actually American values. Millions of Americans engage in violence, promiscuity, and whatever else you see on your tv. On the other hand, millions of Americans practice all the kindness, selflessness and tolerance you also see on tv. Hollywood is just a mirror of our society. I only meant they charge a lot for movies and cable. Oh. Never mind, then. You're right.
     
118. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-16 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-16 Pub. Date: 2015-02-16
Image Number: 123051
Caption: I still can't believe Jon Stewart is quitting "The Daily Show." Why not? Ain't you never quit no job? Yes. … Wait, no. Wait, that's a double negative. Maybe even a triple. I don't know how to answer that. You open your mouth an let wind come out. For an intelligent dude there an awful lot you ain't be knowin'.
     
119. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-13 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-13 Pub. Date: 2015-02-13
Image Number: 122693
Caption: Son, please go to sleep. Please? Not till you thing me a thong. Lionel, I just sang you a bunch of songs. I sang you "Spock Had a Little Lamb," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Vulcan," "Hush Little Yoda," and "The Wheels on the Tardis." But you thang them in the wong order. Now you hafta thart over.
     
120. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-05 television 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-05 Pub. Date: 2015-02-05
Image Number: 122420
Caption: 1982. If you could be anyone in the whole wide world, who would it be? Anyone at all. I would be Harriet Tubman. Not only do I love railroads, but I'd get to be the hero who led the slaves out of Egypt. Only I'd have to be "Harry Tubman." That doesn't have the same ring to it. Dios mio. Or maybe I'd be Fonzie.
     
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