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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-20 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-20 Pub. Date: 2019-03-20
Image Number: 176837
Caption: Sadie, I just heard they discovered seven earthlike planets around a single star. Three of those planets are in the habitable zone, so they might just support life. I am just so excited! I guess what I'm asking you is ... were you this excited when earth was first discovered? Almost as excited as when I first discovered vengeful retribution.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-19 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-19 Pub. Date: 2019-01-19
Image Number: 175845
Caption: I've never had so many people tell me to go !@#$ myself in my whole entire life, Susan. All I did was write an article called It's Time to Make Private Schools Illegal. You did what? The theory is, if the children of millionaires and billionaires had to go to public school, you can bet they'd make sure our public school systems were amazing. It's not a bad idea. Half the comments I got misspelled !@#$. So I wrote another article about how that proved my point.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-10 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-10 Pub. Date: 2019-01-10
Image Number: 175739
Caption: Once the sun swallows the inner solar system, we'll probably have to live on one of Saturn's moons like Titan. Imagine gazing at a golden sunset over a red ocean, beneath the blue rings of Saturn. We've got 7.6 billion years. That should be plenty of time for us to learn how to breathe methane ... but you know how people like to procrastinate. I still disagree that we're doomed.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-12 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-12 Pub. Date: 2018-11-12
Image Number: 174935
Caption: Existence is cruel, Rosencrantz. And that is because of the nature of energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, so it must be stolen. For one creature to gain it, another creature or a plant must lose it and perish. To birth a star system and all its worlds ... a nebula must die. For a man to gain the good side of the sidewalk crack, his partner must lose it. Give it back. Your quarrel is not with me, Rosencrantz. It is with existence itself.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-03 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-03 Pub. Date: 2018-11-03
Image Number: 174720
Caption: I read your stupid article about so-called voter-suppression. How is it discrimination if the rules apply to everyone? So what if Georgia's exact match system rejects your voter registration if any public servant ever typo'd your name in a state document? If it's good enough for John Smith, it's good enough for Mahershalahashbat Siddhartha. And not being allowed to vote without a street address doesn't just affect Native Americans on reservations ... it affects everyone who doesn't have a street address.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-31 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-31 Pub. Date: 2018-10-31
Image Number: 174717
Caption: Now that my son's in the child protective services system, I have to be extra careful. But I'm still a journalist, Susan. We have ways to get the truth out. I mean, yes, I killed my story about the county suppressing minority voters. And yes, I ran a puff piece about the local bunny farm instead. But I trust my readers are bright enough to pick up on the secret code I used in the bunny farm story. Replace every time I wrote bunny with voter, and every time I wrote fluffy with disenfranchised, and ... Dios mio.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-29 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-29 Pub. Date: 2018-10-29
Image Number: 174715
Caption: This is child protective services, how may we hinder you? Hi, I had my son strapped to my back while I was working. I was reporting on how early voting was going. We were on a bus with a bunch of elderly black people who were on their way to vote, and they were all ordered to get off. I interviewed county officials about why they did that. Explain to me how that's child endangerment! The child was in danger of losing faith in his system of government. Give me back my son!!
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-22 Pub. Date: 2018-09-22
Image Number: 174077
Caption: You wanna build a what? An O'Neill cylinder. A huge, hollow cylinder in space. The inside is lined with soil, plants, rivers, lakes and buildings. It's a self-contained city. It crates spin-gravity by rotating. We don't have to wait centuries to colonize other worlds ... we could build these things right now and park them anywhere in the solar system! You been arguing online again? Gary226's cylinder could be on the other side of the sun.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-22 Pub. Date: 2018-08-22
Image Number: 173656
Caption: A voice from somewhere deep in the air duct system told me to be still, and to listen for the cries of a child, for it would lead me to a refugee whose story must be told. So I did. I stilled my mind … and it led me to wonder if I'd paid the gas bill, if I was missing an Amazon delivery, and if that cretin Gary226 had admitted defeat yet in our Facebook argument. Dios mio. Then I stilled my mind again ...
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-22 Pub. Date: 2018-07-22
Image Number: 172923
Caption: Dear "Critic," I read your article about how Star Trek gets its own impulse drive all wrong. You said that even though Star Trek SAYS it's not faster than light, it HAS to be, because of all the times they said they had to leave the star system before jumping to warp speed. Sigh ... not again ... Impulse drive is not faster than light!!! you're a two-dimensional thinker. Has it occurred to you they could leave a star system by flying UP, out of the ecliptic plane? Moron!!! Dear reader, light passing Jupiter would take 250 minutes to reach Neptune. But in the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, they start a conversation as they're passing Jupiter, end it ten seconds later as they're passing Neptune ... Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap t - ... at which point the captain says Have we left the Sol system? The navigator says yes, and the captain says Take us to warp ... I rest my case. I was wrong. I was wrong. Just once let someone restore my faith in humanity by just admitting they were wrong. Discovery isn't REAL Star Trek.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-02 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-02 Pub. Date: 2018-07-02
Image Number: 172687
Caption: Dick, can you get met the "Ask Shadie Show" metrics and then get Sadie Cohen on the phone? Can't ma'am. This is America. Don't use the metric system. Doesn't pay to appear un-American in there perilous times. Get to work, Dick. You'll thank me when "they" don't come for you.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-03 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-03 Pub. Date: 2018-06-03
Image Number: 171757
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... Every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-29 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-29 Pub. Date: 2018-04-29
Image Number: 170626
Caption: I read your article called We Still Have Slavery in America. What a load of nonsense. Everyone knows our dear, sweet and wonderful Congress abolished slavery with the thirteenth amendment. That's right. But that same 13th amendment says Except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly connected. Trump calls mass incarceration "good start". Black and brown people are stopped more often, and convicted more harshly than white people who've done that same stuff, our prisons are mostly black and brown. They force these people to work. Sometimes for next to nothing. But often for nothing at all. They lease convicts out to work in mines, to pick cotton on farms, to sew lingerie, to build weapons of war, and if they refuse to work for free, they're punished. Yeah, well ... slavery was in the 19th century. This is the 21st, ipso facto, it can't be slavery. Haven't you wondered why they've sent millions and millions to prison for smoking the wrong plant?
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-22 Pub. Date: 2018-04-22
Image Number: 170147
Caption: Here we have a fabulous, publicly owned power grid. It served an island that was home to 3 million American citizens, until it was devastated by a natural disaster. Bidding starts at $3 billion. $3 billion! $4 billion! We have $4 billion. $4 billion going once ... $4 billion going twice ... Sold, to the gentleman from Foreignvania, for $4 billion! Is this the room where they're auctioning off Captain Picard's flute for Star Trek? You want the Macarthur Ballroom. 3rd floor. Here we have a fabulous-but-devastated public education system ...
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-09 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-09 Pub. Date: 2018-02-09
Image Number: 168184
Caption: Daddy, why did the moon go away? Well, it's simple, son. You know about the sun? Uh huh. And the earth? Uh huh. Just as earth orbits the sun, the moon orbits the earth. When it's on our side of the planet, we can see it, but when it dips below the horizon, or when there's a total lunar eclipse or cloud cover, we can't. The moon's sleeping. Oh.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-06 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160565
Caption: Your latest article was a little confusing, Lemont. What's confusing about my having solved Fermi's paradox? I've single-handedly explained how the universe could be filled with civilization, even though we've seen no evidence them. Did you know there's a possibility our universe exists within a black hole? ... and every black hole in our universe may contain an entire universe of its own? I've heard that. And did you know that people ultimately just can't stand those who are different from them? Don't you see, Susan? There is no paradox. When a civilization advances far enough, it doesn't fly to other stars. It thinks much bigger. It creates a black hole and vanishes into it so it can have a whole universe to itself. They could shape it and write its natural laws however they want. The Berniezoidians could have a whole universe full of single-payer healthcare, ... and the Trumpmagans could have a whole universe full of no undocumented immigrants. Oh. I was just confused about the part where you wrote "The Trumpmagans still insist Mexico will pay for the event horizon."
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-25 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 155918
Caption: Has it occurred to you that our neighboring planet is populated entirely by robots, and most of us have no idea what they're up to? Stop that!
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-30 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-30 Pub. Date: 2016-10-30
Image Number: 149667
Caption: What do you mean you're already dressed for the Halloween party? I'm going as a man who's been so crushed by the crumbling economy that he's sunk into a deep, dark chasm of despair … A man who feels so powerless and frustrated that he'll vote to overturn the rotten system, even if it means voting for a bigoted, thin-skinned, narcissistic chicken little who's always taken advantage of that system. Dios mio. Can't you tell? Make America Great Again.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-29 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-29 Pub. Date: 2016-10-29
Image Number: 150199
Caption: My Obamacare premiums just skyrocketed. We need to get rid of Obamacare. My premiums just skyrocketed too. We do need to get rid of it. We need to get rid of all the mandates and regulations governing us and the insurance companies. We need to get rid of the insurance companies. We need to move back to a market-driven system where everyone gets the care they can afford. We need to move to a single-payer system where everyone gets the care they need. Obama went too far. Obamacare didn't go far enough.
     
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