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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-22 Pub. Date: 2018-09-22
Image Number: 174077
Caption: You wanna build a what? An O'Neill cylinder. A huge, hollow cylinder in space. The inside is lined with soil, plants, rivers, lakes and buildings. It's a self-contained city. It crates spin-gravity by rotating. We don't have to wait centuries to colonize other worlds ... we could build these things right now and park them anywhere in the solar system! You been arguing online again? Gary226's cylinder could be on the other side of the sun.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-22 Pub. Date: 2018-08-22
Image Number: 173656
Caption: A voice from somewhere deep in the air duct system told me to be still, and to listen for the cries of a child, for it would lead me to a refugee whose story must be told. So I did. I stilled my mind … and it led me to wonder if I'd paid the gas bill, if I was missing an Amazon delivery, and if that cretin Gary226 had admitted defeat yet in our Facebook argument. Dios mio. Then I stilled my mind again ...
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-22 Pub. Date: 2018-07-22
Image Number: 172923
Caption: Dear "Critic," I read your article about how Star Trek gets its own impulse drive all wrong. You said that even though Star Trek SAYS it's not faster than light, it HAS to be, because of all the times they said they had to leave the star system before jumping to warp speed. Sigh ... not again ... Impulse drive is not faster than light!!! you're a two-dimensional thinker. Has it occurred to you they could leave a star system by flying UP, out of the ecliptic plane? Moron!!! Dear reader, light passing Jupiter would take 250 minutes to reach Neptune. But in the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, they start a conversation as they're passing Jupiter, end it ten seconds later as they're passing Neptune ... Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap t - ... at which point the captain says Have we left the Sol system? The navigator says yes, and the captain says Take us to warp ... I rest my case. I was wrong. I was wrong. Just once let someone restore my faith in humanity by just admitting they were wrong. Discovery isn't REAL Star Trek.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-02 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-02 Pub. Date: 2018-07-02
Image Number: 172687
Caption: Dick, can you get met the "Ask Shadie Show" metrics and then get Sadie Cohen on the phone? Can't ma'am. This is America. Don't use the metric system. Doesn't pay to appear un-American in there perilous times. Get to work, Dick. You'll thank me when "they" don't come for you.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-03 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-03 Pub. Date: 2018-06-03
Image Number: 171757
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... Every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-29 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-29 Pub. Date: 2018-04-29
Image Number: 170626
Caption: I read your article called We Still Have Slavery in America. What a load of nonsense. Everyone knows our dear, sweet and wonderful Congress abolished slavery with the thirteenth amendment. That's right. But that same 13th amendment says Except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly connected. Trump calls mass incarceration "good start". Black and brown people are stopped more often, and convicted more harshly than white people who've done that same stuff, our prisons are mostly black and brown. They force these people to work. Sometimes for next to nothing. But often for nothing at all. They lease convicts out to work in mines, to pick cotton on farms, to sew lingerie, to build weapons of war, and if they refuse to work for free, they're punished. Yeah, well ... slavery was in the 19th century. This is the 21st, ipso facto, it can't be slavery. Haven't you wondered why they've sent millions and millions to prison for smoking the wrong plant?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-22 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-22 Pub. Date: 2018-04-22
Image Number: 170147
Caption: Here we have a fabulous, publicly owned power grid. It served an island that was home to 3 million American citizens, until it was devastated by a natural disaster. Bidding starts at $3 billion. $3 billion! $4 billion! We have $4 billion. $4 billion going once ... $4 billion going twice ... Sold, to the gentleman from Foreignvania, for $4 billion! Is this the room where they're auctioning off Captain Picard's flute for Star Trek? You want the Macarthur Ballroom. 3rd floor. Here we have a fabulous-but-devastated public education system ...
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-09 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-09 Pub. Date: 2018-02-09
Image Number: 168184
Caption: Daddy, why did the moon go away? Well, it's simple, son. You know about the sun? Uh huh. And the earth? Uh huh. Just as earth orbits the sun, the moon orbits the earth. When it's on our side of the planet, we can see it, but when it dips below the horizon, or when there's a total lunar eclipse or cloud cover, we can't. The moon's sleeping. Oh.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-06 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-06 Pub. Date: 2017-08-06
Image Number: 160565
Caption: Your latest article was a little confusing, Lemont. What's confusing about my having solved Fermi's paradox? I've single-handedly explained how the universe could be filled with civilization, even though we've seen no evidence them. Did you know there's a possibility our universe exists within a black hole? ... and every black hole in our universe may contain an entire universe of its own? I've heard that. And did you know that people ultimately just can't stand those who are different from them? Don't you see, Susan? There is no paradox. When a civilization advances far enough, it doesn't fly to other stars. It thinks much bigger. It creates a black hole and vanishes into it so it can have a whole universe to itself. They could shape it and write its natural laws however they want. The Berniezoidians could have a whole universe full of single-payer healthcare, ... and the Trumpmagans could have a whole universe full of no undocumented immigrants. Oh. I was just confused about the part where you wrote "The Trumpmagans still insist Mexico will pay for the event horizon."
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-25 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 155918
Caption: Has it occurred to you that our neighboring planet is populated entirely by robots, and most of us have no idea what they're up to? Stop that!
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-30 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-30 Pub. Date: 2016-10-30
Image Number: 149667
Caption: What do you mean you're already dressed for the Halloween party? I'm going as a man who's been so crushed by the crumbling economy that he's sunk into a deep, dark chasm of despair … A man who feels so powerless and frustrated that he'll vote to overturn the rotten system, even if it means voting for a bigoted, thin-skinned, narcissistic chicken little who's always taken advantage of that system. Dios mio. Can't you tell? Make America Great Again.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-29 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-29 Pub. Date: 2016-10-29
Image Number: 150199
Caption: My Obamacare premiums just skyrocketed. We need to get rid of Obamacare. My premiums just skyrocketed too. We do need to get rid of it. We need to get rid of all the mandates and regulations governing us and the insurance companies. We need to get rid of the insurance companies. We need to move back to a market-driven system where everyone gets the care they can afford. We need to move to a single-payer system where everyone gets the care they need. Obama went too far. Obamacare didn't go far enough.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-30 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-30 Pub. Date: 2016-09-30
Image Number: 149029
Caption: What the -- ?! Hey, whose luggage is this over my seat?! It's mine. I just didn't feel like lugging it back here. You're throwing off the whole system! It's gonna be anarchy now! There's room for yours back here, pal.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-13 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-13 Pub. Date: 2016-09-13
Image Number: 148480
Caption: The end of all people is before Me; for the earth is filled with violence and with reality TV stars running for president … and behold, I am about to destroy them with the earth … Or maybe with an asteroid this time. Or a comet. Similar apocalyptic destruction, but it's got a long, sparkly tail which is quite lovely. Whatever, bruh. Anyway, make thee an ark with a habitat module and a propulsion system ...
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-12 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147069
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I Youtubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to off himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-24 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-24 Pub. Date: 2016-04-24
Image Number: 141854
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump to warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system, they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-07 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-07 Pub. Date: 2015-11-07
Image Number: 134726
Caption: Processing … Processing … Installing software update that'll consume so many system resources that your two-year-old phone will slow to a crawl and you'll have no choice but to upgrade to the new phone. What was that? Um … I mean … "processing … " (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-10-01).
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-27 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-27 Pub. Date: 2015-10-27
Image Number: 134383
Caption: I tried to buy tickets to "Star Wars" online as soon as they were available, but they were already sold out. I grew up playing video games. I had the first Atari. The first Playstation. I had the fastest thumb on the block. But if "Star Wars" sold out before I could complete my order and hit "purchase," that means I'm ... I'm ... A geek? It means I'm getting old! My thumb is past its prime.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-05 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-05 Pub. Date: 2015-08-05
Image Number: 130585
Caption: Susan, did you hear about the EM drive? It seems to work and if so, it'll revolutionize mankind. Is it going to make us be nice to each other? It's all coming together. NASA discovers half a dozen worlds and moons in our solar system that have subsurface oceans. And at the same time, we may have developed a new engine that requires no fuel and can get us to all these places in just weeks or months. Don't you see? The age of interplanetary colonization is actually about to begin! Is it going to make us be nice to each other? I'm sorry, did you say something?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-30 system 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-30 Pub. Date: 2015-06-30
Image Number: 129037
Caption: An 11-year-old boy was playing in his yard for 90 minutes after the school bus dropped him off … because his parents were stuck in traffic and couldn't get home to let him in. They were thrown in jail, charged with a felony, and their kids were taken away. When you have for-profit prisons, there's a lot of incentive to fill them by any means necessary. I still say if your son's never had a peanut butter sandwich, go ahead and make him one. If he turns out to have an allergy, they'd probably charge me with attempted murder.
     
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