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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-20 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-20 Pub. Date: 2019-08-20
Image Number: 179094
Caption: Hey, Turbo, it's Lemont. We haven't spoke in decades, and I don't even remember why. Something about me not caring how you felt about stuff, or whatever. Well, actually, no I don't want to let bygones be bygones. I'm writing a memoir, so I'm hoping you can remind me what happened ... Hello?
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-12 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-12 Pub. Date: 2019-07-12
Image Number: 178424
Caption: Daddy? Can you expwode thtuff again tomorrow? Daddy didn't explode stuff on purpose, Lionel. That was a barbecuing accident. We're supposed to try not to explode stuff. How come we buried the pigeonth that fell from the thky inthtead of barbecuing them? Hunterth eat what they kill. We weren't hunting.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-28 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-28 Pub. Date: 2019-05-28
Image Number: 177794
Caption: Wachooneed, bruh? I got an encyclopedia, an almanac an' a walkman. What the … ? Nobody wants that stuff. Nobody's used any of those things in years. When most people want to get rid of old junk, they hold a garage sale. That's 'cause they amateurs. Whachoogot?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-06 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-06 Pub. Date: 2019-05-06
Image Number: 177508
Caption: I applied for a Home Depot credit card, Susan. What? Why? You rent. How much Home Depot stuff could you need? Well, when I picked little Lionel up from Toddlerville day care and asked him what he learned today … he said they learned how to barricade the door and hide form an active shooter. This country is sick. Toddlerville told me they didn't have the budget for bulletproof doors, so I figured I'd build them some.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-06 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-06 Pub. Date: 2019-04-06
Image Number: 177047
Caption: My baby boys' really into trains. So I bought a train bed, hand-painted in the colors of his favorite steam train. I ordered a handmade train quilt for it and got him train conductor pajamas. By the time it all arrived, he was really into monster trucks. So I sent it all back and ordered a bunch of airplane stuff. Wait - you did what? I'm getting ahead of the curve. He's not going to fool me again.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-16 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-16 Pub. Date: 2018-09-16
Image Number: 173878
Caption: Black coffee, please. That'll be extra. What? It's the least popular item on the menu. I'm not following. It's supply and demand. Mocha, white mocha, caramel macchiato, breakfast blend, veranda blend, peppermint onion cactus blend. Those are our most popular drinks. Still not following. People love that stuff, so we have lots of it. You ordered something that's highly unpopular, and therefore it's incredibly rare. Very bad man. You might as well have ordered a unicorn.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-01 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-01 Pub. Date: 2018-07-01
Image Number: 172353
Caption: I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-29 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-29 Pub. Date: 2018-04-29
Image Number: 170626
Caption: I read your article called We Still Have Slavery in America. What a load of nonsense. Everyone knows our dear, sweet and wonderful Congress abolished slavery with the thirteenth amendment. That's right. But that same 13th amendment says Except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly connected. Trump calls mass incarceration "good start". Black and brown people are stopped more often, and convicted more harshly than white people who've done that same stuff, our prisons are mostly black and brown. They force these people to work. Sometimes for next to nothing. But often for nothing at all. They lease convicts out to work in mines, to pick cotton on farms, to sew lingerie, to build weapons of war, and if they refuse to work for free, they're punished. Yeah, well ... slavery was in the 19th century. This is the 21st, ipso facto, it can't be slavery. Haven't you wondered why they've sent millions and millions to prison for smoking the wrong plant?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-06 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-06 Pub. Date: 2018-04-06
Image Number: 170152
Caption: Don't tell nobody, bruh, but I just recorded a song with Hall & Otis. Hall & Oates! Really?! Maneater was one of my favorite songs when I was a kid! What that have to do with anything? That was Hall & Oates' biggest hit. Nah, bruh … Hall & Otis' biggest hit was I Got Yo Stuff, @#$%. Yeh, when they was in prison for that beatdown they gave Ice Cube.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-30 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-30 Pub. Date: 2018-03-30
Image Number: 169889
Caption: Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Hey … guess what. Mainstream Media. We eat the poor. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. MSM. Say, what are Congress and the states up to? Stuff that either thwarts or helps Donald Trump.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-30 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-30 Pub. Date: 2018-01-30
Image Number: 167918
Caption: Did you know there's a Youtube video of the last surviving eyewitness to the Abraham Lincoln assassination? Samuel Seymour. He was 95 years old. And he clearly remembered what he saw when he was just five years old. I still think your son'll forget seeing you fall in that manhole. I just hope he forgets all that stuff I shouted.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-25 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-25 Pub. Date: 2017-10-25
Image Number: 164149
Caption: Studies show that teachers are more likely to harshly punish black students than they are white ones who do the same things. Even black teachers do it. How am I supposed to feel comfortable sending my baby boy out into the world when I know this sort of stuff happens? They done called me a "troublemaker" from day one. Didn't do me no harm. Maybe I'll home-school him till he's got his Ph.D. It was educational. I bee in the principal office so much that I learned exactly where he keep his spare house keys.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-25 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-25 Pub. Date: 2017-08-25
Image Number: 161804
Caption: I detest those Nazis and KKK and white supremacists who marched on Charlottesville. You do? That's great. I'm surprised. I mean, you were a tea partier, you hate immigration, you've fought to make it harder for minorities to vote, you complain all the time about gays and Muslims and atheists ... You're right, they do have some good points. But still ... all that violence and the Anti-Semitism and the tattoos and the torches. I detest all of that stuff. Never look a political awakening in the mouth. Maybe "detest" is too strong a word.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-07 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-07 Pub. Date: 2017-08-07
Image Number: 161291
Caption: Seven Years Ago. Can you believe they're ramming Obamacare through with no votes from Republicans and only a year of hearings and stuff? Horrible leadership!!! Two Weeks Ago. Can you believe they're ramming Trumpcare through with no votes from Democrats and no hearings or anything? Amazing leadership!!! Color-blinded. What? MAGA.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-04 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-04 Pub. Date: 2017-08-04
Image Number: 161034
Caption: Why you always readin' that newspaper, Big L? Because I want to know what's happening in the world. Why? A man only has so much room in his head; why fill it up with stuff that ain't got spit to do with you? You ever seen a hamster worryin' about global warming? No, he just want his pine nuts. Hamsters don't eat "pine nuts," Clyde. See? Why you even know that? You ain't never had no hamster.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-11 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-11 Pub. Date: 2017-06-11
Image Number: 158398
Caption: Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading you-stuff? I thought it was just for posting me-stuff. I'm sorry, man. I feel horrible. As you should ... Anyway, you still working as a roadie for Hootie and the Blowfish?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-07 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-07 Pub. Date: 2017-02-07
Image Number: 154238
Caption: Dick Fink, did you send out that company-wide memo I gave you? No way. All that stuff about "tolerance" and "acceptance" of employees of all faiths and national origins made you sound like some boring "social justice warrior." Frankly, it smacked of "virtue signalling," so I tossed it for your own good. You can't make "being nice" a bad thing by labeling it to death. You're welcome.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-18 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-18 Pub. Date: 2016-12-18
Image Number: 151614
Caption: I wish I could fly, Big L. I know what you mean. Ever since I donned my first pair of underoos, I wanted to fly too. But the older I get, the more I realize it's not all it's cracked up to be. First of all, there's all the stuff in the air you'd crash into: birds, helicopters, jets, drones, power lines ... Then there are all the idiots who'd take a shot at you. And if you flew high enough to avoid all that, you'd freeze your nuggets off. Flying's one of those powers you think would be cool, but really wouldn't be. Like invisibility. I don't know what you talkin' about, bruh. I just meant I'm on the no-fly list. If you were an invisible hero, people would still see your clothes. You'd have to fight crime naked.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-20 stuff 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-20 Pub. Date: 2016-09-20
Image Number: 148762
Caption: You're with what? "Jehovah's Alibi." Wit' all the terrible things happening in the world today … you may be wonderin' if a higher power know you done some o' that … and you may be wonderin' how you can blame that higher power for the stuff you done did. Tell me more. Kevin, give her a copy of the I-Ain't-Seen-Nothin' Tower.
     
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