That's funny-looking salt. What's with the salt? It's a blend we have made specially for us. What're all these brown spots? Those are minerals. Iron, phosphorus … mined by hand at the base of the Himalayas. Wow. They give it a tangy aftertaste you can't find anywhere else. I see. And these cobwebs? Silken decorations weaved specifically for us.
Go away, little goil. But Daddy, you're not too old! So your "Michelle Obama called 'Whitey'" product flopped. You just need to spice it up with some modern lingo so it'll be believable! Nobody says "Whitey" anymore, Daddy. Sure dey do! It's a classic, like ****, ****, and ****! Um... nobody says that stuff anymore either, Daddy. ****!