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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-28 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-28 Pub. Date: 2018-10-28
Image Number: 174529
Caption: I hope we never terraform Mars. House of Java Café. Grand Opening. Why not, Randy? Because, if we gave Mars oxygen and air pressure, we wouldn't need space suits. If we gave Mars trees and oceans, it wouldn't be one big desert anymore. There's just something sexy about driving a dune buggy across a desert planet with only half an inch of space helmet separating you from certain death. Also, if we give it a magnetic field, we wouldn't be bombarded by radiation. Ok ... I'll bite ... what's bad about not being bombarded by radiation? Isn't it obvious? When you look at me, little buddy, you're looking at the pinnacle of human evolution. But my line has taken us as far as possible. I come from a long line of Randies. I've traced my lineage all the way back to a romantic primate named Randy Erectus. He was the first hominid to get up off his knuckles and stand up straight, and that as just in response to a beautiful sunset. Imagine what my genes would do in response to a huge dose of radiation? You really should have your own science show.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-18 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-18 Pub. Date: 2018-09-18
Image Number: 174073
Caption: The President said his response to the Puerto Rico hurricane was an incredible unsung success. It turns our about as many people died because of the hurricane as died on 9/11. And most of them died in the weeks after the hurricane had passed. He could've done a lot more to save those Americans. I still don't see how this is proof the large Hadron collider shifted us into an antonym universe where words mean the opposite of what they meant in our original universe. In the antonymverse, that means you do see it.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-14 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-14 Pub. Date: 2018-03-14
Image Number: 169395
Caption: The Huffington Post keeps deleting my comments every time I write anything even remotely negative about establishment Democrats. You one to talk. You keep deleting e're comment I pot on your own news site. That's totally different. I wrong an article about how water, inaction and institutional racism are still poisoning people in Flint, Michigan. Your response was totally out of line. No, it was high-level satire. His is lemme barrow $3 satire? I even posted a satirical link to my Paypal.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-05 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-05 Pub. Date: 2018-02-05
Image Number: 168180
Caption: You know my favorite part of the president's State of the Union speech? Tell me. The lame SJW response by that beta Congressman Joe Kennedy III. It was equal parts virtue-signaling, multiculturalism, political correctness, and run-of-the-mill snowflakery. (Sigh) ... labeling-away speech and people we don't like is one of mankind's oldest pastimes. Spoken like a typical, deep-state, crybaby, anti-neoreacitonaryist.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-24 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-24 Pub. Date: 2018-01-24
Image Number: 167652
Caption: Fox News tweeted that crime is down since Trump took office. So I wrote an article about how crime has been steadily falling for 25 years. Some random guy posted that’s fake news in response. So I sent him links to the data. He wrote back accusing me of obsessed with making him believe what I believe. I replied hey, you contacted me. Then he called me names. The internet is the dumbest land there ever was. I replied leave me alone. He replied you first.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-07 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-07 Pub. Date: 2017-12-07
Image Number: 165706
Caption: Merry Christmas, young brother … I said, Merry Christmas. It's a time of joy and happiness. You're supposed to say "Merry Christmas" back. What's wrong with people? Doesn't anyone have any manners anymore? I hate everybody!!! What jus' happened?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-09 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-09 Pub. Date: 2017-10-09
Image Number: 163628
Caption: I was part of the press pool covering the president's visit to Puerto Rico. I covered the whole thing. The part where he gave his own response an A+ … the part where he threw supplies as if they were prizes at desperate survivors … the part where he told Puerto Ricans they were costing us a lot of money ... the part where he said it wasn't a "real" catastrophe like Hurricane Katrina ... the part where he said that finger the crowd used must be the Puerto Rican equivalent of a "thumbs-up" ... How come the article you wrote about it was called "Nailed It."?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-23 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-23 Pub. Date: 2017-06-23
Image Number: 159392
Caption: This just in … Russia has persuaded its ally, the Dictator Santa Claus, to call for a ceasefire. In response, rebel elves have released their hostages and … Click … If passes, millions stand to lose their health insurance. Click … White supremacist activity is on the rise. A years-old report about how they were planning to infiltrate law enforcement is getting ... Click ... Won't you be my neighbor? It's Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, a land of make-believe ...
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-05 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-05 Pub. Date: 2017-06-05
Image Number: 158825
Caption: To: Lemont Brown. From: UC Berkeley Alumni Association. Hey LB, it's Louis Black. Remember me? We worked at the school paper together. We're putting together a class of '97 Reunion. Hope you can make it. Also, are you in touch with any other '97 grads we should invite? Hi, Louis! I did hear from my college roommate, Kenneth Noh. He called me a couple years ago to invite me to join ISIS with him. Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Hi, Louis! I am following my other college roommate, Rudy Park, to Russia, where he's meeting with Putin's henchman in order to ... Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Hi Louis! ... Nah, I don't really know anyone anymore. Send. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-14 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-14 Pub. Date: 2017-05-14
Image Number: 157342
Caption: They got to him. I don't know how, but they got to him. Dr. Noodle. I should've seen it coming, though. After all, a guy who gets all butt-hurt about questions is the White House Spokesman in charge of answering questions. A guy who opposes paid leave and equal pay is in charge of the White House's responses to women's issues. A guy who doesn't believe in climate change is in charge of the EPA. A reputed bigot is in charge of enforcing civil rights. Trump even tried to put a guy whose company violated wage, hour and child labor laws in charge of the Department of Labor. I still don't think we know what Luke Skywalker meant by "it's time for the Jedi to end." I don't like Star Wars now that I know it's set in the Trump White House.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-16 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-16 Pub. Date: 2016-02-16
Image Number: 139235
Caption: I'm tired of people saying Marco Rubio sounds like a robot. Since when has repeating oneself over and over again been robotic? He doesn't sound anything like a robot. Robots say "I'll be back" in a thick Austrian accent. Or they say "I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: Let the Wookiee win." Or they say "Danger, Will Robinson!" Don't worry, people won't be talking about Rubio for much longer.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-15 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-15 Pub. Date: 2016-02-15
Image Number: 139234
Caption: I can't stop telling jokes about how when Marco Rubio calls people, they think it's a robocall. M.A.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-18 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-18 Pub. Date: 2015-04-18
Image Number: 125567
Caption: This just in: The Afghanistan war appears not to be over after all. An American soldier was just … Click. More and more states are passing restrictive voter ID laws, eliminating early voting, and passing other laws that many say will make it harder for black ... Click. In response to California's epic drought, the governor has ordered people to shower no more than once a month ... Click. Gilligaaaan ... The Skipper tooooo ... The millionaire ...
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-16 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-16 Pub. Date: 2015-02-16
Image Number: 123051
Caption: I still can't believe Jon Stewart is quitting "The Daily Show." Why not? Ain't you never quit no job? Yes. … Wait, no. Wait, that's a double negative. Maybe even a triple. I don't know how to answer that. You open your mouth an let wind come out. For an intelligent dude there an awful lot you ain't be knowin'.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-05 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-05 Pub. Date: 2014-05-05
Image Number: 111017
Caption: Meanwhile, on a non-descript, barren street, two disheveled men sit alone. The first man turns to the second and says … … What? Silent moments pass. It grows awkward. Upon receiving no reply, the first one grows more and more agitated, until he finally says .... STOP THAT.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-01 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-01 Pub. Date: 2014-05-01
Image Number: 110712
Caption: The other night, Jimmy Fallon joked that if Chelsea Clinton's baby is a boy, he'll get some of Hillary's hand-me-downs. Heh. That laugh you think you heard just now was, of course, nervous laughter in response to something that made me very uncomfortable. Or maybe it was gas. There really is no way to tell. Quit while you're behind.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-01 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-01 Pub. Date: 2013-08-01
Image Number: 99763
Caption: Pie Rett Collection Agency. Some guy named Lester called me yesterday from your office and said I owe ATNT $158. When I told him I've never used ATNT and won't pay him a dime, Lester ended up insulting me. I hung up on him. I'm sorry. So you're calling to file a complaint? I'm calling 'cause I just thought of a good comeback.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-23 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-23 Pub. Date: 2013-07-23
Image Number: 99560
Caption: Do you ever think you're too late, Rosencrantz? For what? You should have asked me that earlier. Earlier, my answer may have totally changed the trajectory of your life. Earlier, it would've mattered. You have some nerve asking me at this late a date Rosencrantz. It's too early for this.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-26 response 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-26 Pub. Date: 2013-06-26
Image Number: 98449
Caption: Why is there something instead of nothing? That's maybe the most fundamental question ever. It's also a trick question. "Nothing" can only be defined as an absence of "something." It's ok to say "I don’t know," Lemont. Every nothing is therefore proof of something.
     
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