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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (38 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-20 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-20 Pub. Date: 2018-03-20
Image Number: 169627
Caption: I'm starting to feel like nothing really matters anymore. Dr. Noodle. I remember just ten years ago, I'd spend hours online arguing with random strangers about important things. M.D. We all seemed to take plenty of time back then to listen to each others' points. We'd research our counter-arguments and present them. Sometimes we'd actually change each others' minds. I see. So when you tweeted all that last night, how did people respond? Some said I was being a snowflake, other said that was fake news.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-07 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-07 Pub. Date: 2017-12-07
Image Number: 165706
Caption: Merry Christmas, young brother … I said, Merry Christmas. It's a time of joy and happiness. You're supposed to say "Merry Christmas" back. What's wrong with people? Doesn't anyone have any manners anymore? I hate everybody!!! What jus' happened?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-05 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-05 Pub. Date: 2017-06-05
Image Number: 158825
Caption: To: Lemont Brown. From: UC Berkeley Alumni Association. Hey LB, it's Louis Black. Remember me? We worked at the school paper together. We're putting together a class of '97 Reunion. Hope you can make it. Also, are you in touch with any other '97 grads we should invite? Hi, Louis! I did hear from my college roommate, Kenneth Noh. He called me a couple years ago to invite me to join ISIS with him. Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Hi, Louis! I am following my other college roommate, Rudy Park, to Russia, where he's meeting with Putin's henchman in order to ... Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Hi Louis! ... Nah, I don't really know anyone anymore. Send. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-16 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-16 Pub. Date: 2016-02-16
Image Number: 139235
Caption: I'm tired of people saying Marco Rubio sounds like a robot. Since when has repeating oneself over and over again been robotic? He doesn't sound anything like a robot. Robots say "I'll be back" in a thick Austrian accent. Or they say "I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: Let the Wookiee win." Or they say "Danger, Will Robinson!" Don't worry, people won't be talking about Rubio for much longer.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-15 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-15 Pub. Date: 2016-02-15
Image Number: 139234
Caption: I can't stop telling jokes about how when Marco Rubio calls people, they think it's a robocall. M.A.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-16 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-16 Pub. Date: 2015-11-16
Image Number: 135313
Caption: The DA ain't gonna prosecute the cop who unnecessarily shot that white kid. … What the kid name again? Zachary Hammond? Yeh. I noticed it seem like the only people still outraged about it is the "Black Lives Matter" crowd. I ain't seen white people put on no marches, no protests ... nothin'. You know what this tell me? It tell me that when people hear "Black Lives Matter" an' reflexively respond by sayin' "All Lives Matter" ... What they REALLY sayin' is "shut up an' take it, like we do." "All Lives Matter" is catchier.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-27 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-27 Pub. Date: 2015-09-27
Image Number: 132520
Caption: When someone says "Black Lives Matter," I respond by saying "All Lives Matter." Because I don't see color. But if you "don't see color," you can't see that young black men are far more likely to be shot unnecessarily by police than men of any other color. And you can't solve a problem if you can't even see it exists. It felt food to stand up for equality. So I didn't stop there. What do you mean? OWS protester love of red velvet cake. Daily Nut Job. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Goodnight Grandpa. I came across a "breast cancer survivor" meeting at the rec center. I poked my head in and shouted "All Cancer is Bad." By the looks on their faces, I could tell some of them realized they'd been totally horrible for acting like their cancer was so much more important than other cancers. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Exoneration. I came across a funeral this morning, and after the eulogy I reminded the family that all people die, and that it's wrong of them to act like this one was more special than the rest of us. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-07 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-07 Pub. Date: 2014-09-07
Image Number: 115372
Caption: I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-01 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-01 Pub. Date: 2013-08-01
Image Number: 99763
Caption: Pie Rett Collection Agency. Some guy named Lester called me yesterday from your office and said I owe ATNT $158. When I told him I've never used ATNT and won't pay him a dime, Lester ended up insulting me. I hung up on him. I'm sorry. So you're calling to file a complaint? I'm calling 'cause I just thought of a good comeback.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-26 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-26 Pub. Date: 2013-06-26
Image Number: 98449
Caption: Why is there something instead of nothing? That's maybe the most fundamental question ever. It's also a trick question. "Nothing" can only be defined as an absence of "something." It's ok to say "I don’t know," Lemont. Every nothing is therefore proof of something.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-10 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-10 Pub. Date: 2013-06-10
Image Number: 97909
Caption: You haven't responded to our last offer, Brown. We want you back. This spying-on-reporters'-emails story is heating up, and we want our top man on the case. The Candorville Chronicle. What's it going to take to seal the deal, Brown? $900k? Day care for your son? A house on the moon? A guarantee you'll still be in business in a year. Your demands are outrageous.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-06 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-06 Pub. Date: 2013-04-06
Image Number: 95259
Caption: … And in other news, the President's golf match with Republican Congressional leaders ended in acrimony. One anonymous member filibustered the President's choice of club and ball. The President responded by issuing an executive order allowing the use of a putter. Republican leaders suggested the match could continue if Obamacare is repealed.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-16 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-16 Pub. Date: 2012-12-16
Image Number: 90583
Caption: … So I said "Second term Presidents always stumble by appointing boring nobodies to their cabinet. Dr. Noodle. … "President Obama should appoint Bill Clinton as Secretary of State. It'd be bold. Confident. "He'd keep the enthusiasm of the campaign alive and make his second term like a dream team." ... And that's when my date said "Take me home, this isn't gonna work out." Blah blah blah. When you're slow-dancing, and you whisper sweet somethings in a lady's ear, she never responds like they do in the movies. PhD. ... What? It's supposed to be "sweet nothings." PhD.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-14 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-14 Pub. Date: 2012-10-14
Image Number: 88131
Caption: Dear Idiot ... I read your "article" about how it's more appropriate to call MIDDLE CLASS CONSUMERS "job creators," because job growth relies on consumer demand. I was EXTREMELY OFFENDED! Your headline was written in HELVETICA, the most heartless, totalitarian font in the world. It's totally devoid of the smooth and supple body of Garamond. Or the firm yet polite lines of Times New Roman. Must respond in COMIC SANS. A man who knows nothing about fonts clearly knows nothing about macro-economics. Buy Candorville books at www.candorville.com.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-17 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-17 Pub. Date: 2012-06-17
Image Number: 81512
Caption: Hi, I answered the phone by accident. Please hang up and call back. Hi … Um … What? I like to DVR my calls. You like to WHAT? I like to check my voicemail at my leisure … … And only respond once I've had time to think about it. In real-time conversations, it's hard to concoct plausible excuses to get out of whatever the caller wants me to do. Seriously? Too much pressure. Also, without planning my response, the conversation can be inefficient and boring. This conversation has been a total waste of time, Lamont. SEE?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-06 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-06 Pub. Date: 2011-06-06
Image Number: 61777
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. How are you? Tap tap tap tap. Awful. I don't think the judge will give me custody of Lionel because my ex is pretending she's never heard of me, that Lionel's not mine, ad that I'm a mentally disturbed stalker with no standing to demand a DNA test. DELETE DELETE DELETE. Good, now that you've written to me. Aw, that's so sweet.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-15 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-15 Pub. Date: 2011-02-15
Image Number: 57399
Caption: Why should I be your Facebook friend? So we can chat. Spare change? But we're chatting now. It's not the same. If we're Facebook friends, I could respond to you at my leisure instead of having to do it in real time. And I don't even have to get dressed just to chat with you. This doesn't explain why you're not wearing pants. I don't have a computer. Spare change?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-16 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-16 Pub. Date: 2010-12-16
Image Number: 55239
Caption: Younger me, I remember this like it was yesterday. Sasha Mitchell Facebooked us … and you're not sure whether to write back. But that's because you only remember her as that 17-year-old teenager you knew in college, so you're in no hurry. But trust me ... ... write back to Sasha Mitchell right now, and ... you will meet the WOMAN of your dreams. Great. You oversold it. Now she'll NEVER live up to that. It's Obama all over again.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-15 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-15 Pub. Date: 2010-12-15
Image Number: 55238
Caption: Hello, younger me. I've come back through time in your dreams to tell you something that'll change the whole course of your life. Sasha Mitchell, your "one that got away," Facebooked you a couple of days ago. You have to write back … NOW. Surely it can wait till morning. No it can't, and ... and ... um ... mph. Oh go ahead, we know we want to. DON'T CALL ME "SHIRLEY"! ... last time I swear.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-13 respond 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-13 Pub. Date: 2010-12-13
Image Number: 55236
Caption: Wait, why'd you decided to write back to Sasha Mitchell? What happened to "I'm such a loser; I'm the same underachieving loser I was in college. I don't want my long-lost love to find out I'm a loser." What made you suddenly change your mind? I don’t think I ever used the word "loser." How come you don't care that I know about your loserness?
     
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