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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-13 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-13 Pub. Date: 2019-08-13
Image Number: 178995
Caption: Sir, why did you change my health insurance to a plan that doesn't cover contraceptives? President Trump issues a ruling allowing employers to refuse to cover any procedures that we disagree with either religiously or morally. And you have a moral objection to women controlling their own bodies? I have a moral objection to not saving a few bucks a month. Yayle. CEO of the year 2002.,
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-29 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-29 Pub. Date: 2019-06-29
Image Number: 178260
Caption: Have you ever thought of being a nun, Sadie? Of course. Years ago I dreamt of converting and becoming a cloistered nun. I thought it would be the one vocation that would take advantage of all my talents. But that was before I discovered that nuns being abusive, vindictive, soul-crushing harpies was just a stereotype. Besides, the vow of chastity would've put a serious hitch in my get-along. Conversation over now.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-05 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-05 Pub. Date: 2018-05-05
Image Number: 171057
Caption: Your boy George Berkeley be trippin', Big L. Thinkin' he proved the existence of God. He argued the only thing we can be sure exist is our own minds. But because there got to be things in the universe we ain't ever thought of … that must mean there must be some all-seeing God out there, in whose mind erething exist. Later philosophers poked holes in that theory and what have you done, Clyde? That between my mind an' the big mind in the sky.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-22 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-22 Pub. Date: 2018-02-22
Image Number: 168663
Caption: I am come that you may have life and have it abundantly. Be not content to live in a basement studio apartment with cable TV jacked from your neighbor across the alley. You are capable of so much more, my child. Am I capable of gettin' some sleep, bruh? Well, excuse me for trying to grant you a divine revelation. Excused.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-21 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-21 Pub. Date: 2018-02-21
Image Number: 168662
Caption: Behold! I have a plan for you. What? Who that? I am the Lord thy God. And I have a plan for you, my child. Well what is it? I was just about to get to that. Clyde, I command thee to go forth and spread … I ain't got all night. Hurry up. Never mind, bruh. I lost interest. That's ok, somehow I've lost my train of thought anyway.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-16 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-16 Pub. Date: 2017-11-16
Image Number: 164873
Caption: Dick Fink, I want you to find out for me if there are any book tours happening in Djibouti. Can't, ma'am. I've recently converted to orthodox Buddhism. I can't use my phone or computer right now because obviously that would interfere with my 12-hour daily meditation. You wouldn't want to discriminate against an employee by forcing him to violate his religion would you? I've never heard of "orthodox" Buddhism. Maybe the answers you seek will come to me when I reach the sixth level of meditation.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-05 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-05 Pub. Date: 2017-09-05
Image Number: 162343
Caption: Do you know how know there's no god, Rosencrantz? Because we've been abandoned. Will eat for food. I once spun a top, Tyrone. I spun it and I walked away. How it fell, I have no idea. But I know this: An intelligent being spun that top. I thought you said you spun that top. Don't resent me just because I just blew your mind.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-03 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-03 Pub. Date: 2017-06-03
Image Number: 158605
Caption: Heavenly father, should I preside over a gay wedding even if it means half my congregation will quit in protest? Should I lead my flock to the right side of history … Reverend of the Year 2000 … even if the sheep that put the most in the collection plate feel cozy on the wrong side? Give me a sign, heavenly father ... So you're saying I should ponder on this a few more years.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-10 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151818
Caption: Four years ago … I've been coming here for years now, and I have yet to be matched up with the perfect woman. My needs aren't too crazy: I want a woman who's into politics, Star Trek, comics, Aboriginal art, and long walks on the beach. And I want her to be brilliant. Prayers aren't supposed to be specific. I'm not saying she also has to be hot, but I wouldn't object to that.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-23 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-23 Pub. Date: 2016-11-23
Image Number: 151296
Caption: Dick, would you get Lemont Brown on the phone for me? Sorry, it's against my religion. I've converted to being Amish. We're not allowed to use phones, or computers, or copiers … or anything else you might ask me to do. Pretty sure the Amish do use phones, Dick. I'm not sure I'm supposed to be listening to backtalk from the womenfolk.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-20 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-20 Pub. Date: 2016-09-20
Image Number: 148762
Caption: You're with what? "Jehovah's Alibi." Wit' all the terrible things happening in the world today … you may be wonderin' if a higher power know you done some o' that … and you may be wonderin' how you can blame that higher power for the stuff you done did. Tell me more. Kevin, give her a copy of the I-Ain't-Seen-Nothin' Tower.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-19 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-19 Pub. Date: 2016-09-19
Image Number: 148761
Caption: We don't want any. We ain't sellin' any. We jus' spreadin' the good news. Oh. No offense, but we don't want Jehovah's Witnesses ringing our doorbell. Me neither. But … I thought you were saying you were a Jehovah's Witness. Never said that. Oh. We with Jehovah's Alibi.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-14 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-14 Pub. Date: 2016-09-14
Image Number: 148481
Caption: 1982. I don't buy all the stuff they tell me in Sunday school. But I do think there's a God. You do, Lemont? I believe the universe is an organism. Like my hamster. We call it "God," and we're its constituent parts. And like any hamster, it wants every one of its organs and cells to thrive. Even the tunas? 'Cause we kill them and put them in cans. I didn't say I had it all worked out.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-13 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-13 Pub. Date: 2016-09-13
Image Number: 148480
Caption: The end of all people is before Me; for the earth is filled with violence and with reality TV stars running for president … and behold, I am about to destroy them with the earth … Or maybe with an asteroid this time. Or a comet. Similar apocalyptic destruction, but it's got a long, sparkly tail which is quite lovely. Whatever, bruh. Anyway, make thee an ark with a habitat module and a propulsion system ...
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-12 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-12 Pub. Date: 2016-09-12
Image Number: 148479
Caption: I am the God of thy father Cletus. What? Who that? Cletus. Cletus Dogg. Your father. Didn't nobody call my daddy "Cletus." Erebody called him "Hot Sauce." I call him by his given n … Never mind, that is not important right now, Clyde. "C-Dog." (Sigh) fine, C ... no, it's not fine.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-04 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-04 Pub. Date: 2016-08-04
Image Number: 146691
Caption: Did you know the bible say charging interest is a sin? So e'rebody that be charging me interest - bankers, payday loans, Massacard … They all gonna burn in the bottomless, fiery pit of damnation for all eternity. You've never even gone near a church, Clyde. That's not important right now.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-18 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-18 Pub. Date: 2016-06-18
Image Number: 144567
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? There's a new Star Trek tv show coming next year. Isn't that a good thing? Star Trek is like a religion to you. Don't you see? When they canceled the first show, I wasn't even born. When they canceled the last show, I was almost thirty. When they cancel this next one, I'll be an old man! So? It happens ... and you, you'll be an old woman, Susan. Never.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-14 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-14 Pub. Date: 2016-06-14
Image Number: 144563
Caption: Mr. Trump, you said the judge presiding over your fake university trial can't do his job impartially because he's "Mexican" and you've offended Mexicans. You also say Muslim judges could "absolutely" be biased because you've offended Muslims. But you've offended pretty much everyone other than white, right-handed Appalachian car mechanics' pet zebras ... and he doesn't have any judicial experience. No, but he's never treated me unfairly.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-13 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-13 Pub. Date: 2016-05-13
Image Number: 143025
Caption: What's the last book you read, Clyde? The Bible. Really? You read the Bible? Of course. The Bible tell us no matter what awful, horrendous, calamitous thing we done, it already forgiven an' forgotten. What did you do? If JESUS don’t remember, why should I? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-28).
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-14 religion 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-14 Pub. Date: 2016-01-14
Image Number: 137666
Caption: I am come that you may have life and have it abundantly. Be not content to live in a basement studio apartment with cable TV jacked from your neighbor across the alley. You are capable of so much more, my child. Am I capable of gettin' some sleep, bruh? Well, excuse me for trying to grant you a divine revelation. Excused.
     
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