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Candorville

Comics about realness.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-28 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-28 Pub. Date: 2019-03-28
Image Number: 176942
Caption: Your article about the electoral college was riddled with inaccuracies. You mean my humor column? The electoral college not a for-profit, fake real estate training program started by James and Ivanka Madison to defraud people out of their life savings. It was a joke. And Hollywood actors and rich CEOs did not bribe people to get their spoiled kids into the electoral college. It was a joke. (Sigh) People always get extra-literal when their worldview is challenged. We're talking about my view of the electoral college, not of the world.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-17 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-17 Pub. Date: 2019-03-17
Image Number: 176613
Caption: Dear journalist, I am offended by your biased hit-piece condemning so-called Fake News. You wrote … some of these sites main sources seem to be their rear ends. Who are YOU to say what's fake and what's real? I don't know that your sources are any more real than my rear end. I know my rear end. I trust my rear end. you, one the other hand, are a total stranger to me. There's an old saying, doofus: Trust is in the eye of the beholder. That's actually Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Oh, I suppose one of your sources told you that? Sad! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-07 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-07 Pub. Date: 2019-02-07
Image Number: 176173
Caption: Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-15 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-15 Pub. Date: 2019-01-15
Image Number: 175841
Caption: Hah! You race-baiters got owned! I read your article last week about that little black girl who got shot. How embarrassing for you. When the police said the suspect was a white man in a truck, you all wanted to talk about racism. But it turned out the real shooter was a couple of black guys. Now you're talking about guns and gangs, but not one mention of racism. It's normal to chance your focus when you get new facts. Ha! You flip-flopper. Bet you wish you hadn't made such a big deal out of a little girl getting shot.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-14 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-14 Pub. Date: 2019-01-14
Image Number: 175840
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? Jasmine barns, the little black girl who was killed in a shooting. When the police said the suspect was a white man, I was shaken. I was scared. I was afraid it was one more example of racism getting out of control in America. But when the police later said no, the real killer were black ... I felt ... I felt ... relief. That's normal, Lemont. Don't be too hard on yourself. How bad off are we when we can think Oh good, it's just normal gun violence.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-06 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-06 Pub. Date: 2019-01-06
Image Number: 175478
Caption: I'm thinking of buying an income property. That's 'cause I'm already paying one mortgage that I barely qualified for, so I didn't think I'd qualify for another. But YouTube videos told me I'm not supposed to get a new mortgage. I'm supposed to get a home equity line of credit, and use that heloc to pay cash for my investment property. A heloc is usually 80% of the equity a homeowner has in the home. And I have lots of equity. What's lots? 20% of what I bought it for. Wait ... didn't you buy your shack for $8,000? I can get a pretty sweet income property in Chernobyl for 80 percent of $8,000. But your heloc wouldn't be 80% of $8,000. It'd be 80% of 10% of $8,000. Yeah. I figured that out. That's why my realtor and I are scoping out underwater caves off the Siberian coast. That's why you wanted to borrow my scuba gear.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-24 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-24 Pub. Date: 2018-12-24
Image Number: 175584
Caption: Hey mister, is Santa Claus real? Sorry, kid … I'm not supposed to talk about it. It's a rule. I'm supposed to tell you you have to ask your parents. It's rule 547,983 in the handbook they give you when you become a grownup. But YOU would know better than them. I know an elf when I see one. Santa Claus is a lie.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-29 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-29 Pub. Date: 2018-11-29
Image Number: 175157
Caption: Did you catch the Ask Sadie Show? They were talking about immortality. You're interrupting today's How to be an Alpha lesson, little buddy. They said that in just 30 years, we'll be able to transfer our minds to a server, shoot it into deep space where the cold will help the hard drive to survive for eons, and live in a virtual. But what if we've already done that? What if it's like the Matrix, or like Elon Musk's theories, and nothing we see is really real? What if right now, we're in a hard drive orbiting Ur ... As I was saying ... Alphas don't tell Uranus jokes.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-29 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-29 Pub. Date: 2018-09-29
Image Number: 174196
Caption: Tyrone, for whom did you cast your vote? Anderson Jackson Perot Bradley Dean Sanders Chisolm. I figured that was the only candidate who chould create real change. Of course, Reagan Bush Gore Bush Kerry Clinton Nixon Clinton won, in the end. That one almost always wins. No change is always easier than change. Spare change?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-13 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-13 Pub. Date: 2018-08-13
Image Number: 173499
Caption: So … Anderson Cooper distracted the guards while I snuck into the air duct to cover the real story. The architect who gave me the blueprints marked a path that'd take me to the refugees Mayor Thump had imprisoned … but I seemed to have made a wrong turn. Psst! You there ... Are you a refugee? Don't think so. My daddy said I'm on vacation.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-09 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-09 Pub. Date: 2018-08-09
Image Number: 173376
Caption: twitter. Sassynic: Jumping jacks … have those ever been considered a real exercise? They seem so … fake to me. They're the breast implants of exercises. Candorville: If a caveman saw all the glowing, blinking devices in my room he'd flip out. I'd hate 2 see what he'd do if he saw my bills for all of them. I don't understand, what's this have to do with you deciding you no longer need counseling? I'm cured! All the voices in my head have been crowded out by all the voices in my phone.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-04 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-04 Pub. Date: 2018-08-04
Image Number: 173245
Caption: Tyrone, for whom did you cast your vote? Anderson Jackson Perot Bradley Dean Sanders Chisolm. I figured that was the only candidate who could create real change. Of course, Reagan Bush Gore Bush Kerry Clinton Nixon Clinton won, in the end. That one almost always wins. No change is always easier than change.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-22 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-22 Pub. Date: 2018-07-22
Image Number: 172923
Caption: Dear "Critic," I read your article about how Star Trek gets its own impulse drive all wrong. You said that even though Star Trek SAYS it's not faster than light, it HAS to be, because of all the times they said they had to leave the star system before jumping to warp speed. Sigh ... not again ... Impulse drive is not faster than light!!! you're a two-dimensional thinker. Has it occurred to you they could leave a star system by flying UP, out of the ecliptic plane? Moron!!! Dear reader, light passing Jupiter would take 250 minutes to reach Neptune. But in the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, they start a conversation as they're passing Jupiter, end it ten seconds later as they're passing Neptune ... Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap t - ... at which point the captain says Have we left the Sol system? The navigator says yes, and the captain says Take us to warp ... I rest my case. I was wrong. I was wrong. Just once let someone restore my faith in humanity by just admitting they were wrong. Discovery isn't REAL Star Trek.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-23 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-23 Pub. Date: 2018-06-23
Image Number: 172359
Caption: I'm an accomplished writer, Susan. I don't tiptoe around the big issues. I've won awards for that. How could they reject me? You wrote "I love you so much that when you were a toddler and you choked on your own vomit … I dug it out of your mouth with my own hand without even thinking about it ... Happy birthday. That's real love. You'd think Hallmark would know that the country's in the mood for authenticity.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-12 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-12 Pub. Date: 2018-05-12
Image Number: 171294
Caption: You know what's the best thing about a Saturday, Clyde? … Nothing. Because I'm self-employed. I make my own hours. Any day can be a Saturday for me. All real-Saturday is to me is a day when every place I love to go is suddenly super-crowded. Whatever, bruh. I told you this roof for e'rebody. It ain't just yo' spot. If you're not gonna share your fries, you're just taking up space.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-28 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-28 Pub. Date: 2018-04-28
Image Number: 170824
Caption: I told you we should've held on to the cardboard box until the housing market picked back up. Need $ 4 shelter.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-04 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-04 Pub. Date: 2018-04-04
Image Number: 170150
Caption: Because of Donald Trump, I'm taking my son and I'm moving to New Zealand. Canada, bruh. Erebody always say they movin' to Canada if someone they don't like be president. Trump's a bully. The whole world knows it. One day he's going to threaten the wrong country, and then it'll be Armageddon. You overreactin', bruh, for real. Maybe. Anyway New Zealand should be far enough from the nuclear fallout.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-31 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-31 Pub. Date: 2018-03-31
Image Number: 169890
Caption: Sure, there are probably aliens. But why would they want to come here? The answer's obvious. How many of us tune in to insipid reality shows like The Bachelor and Real Housewives? If there's on thing we should all be able to agree on, it's that world history's been a bit melodramatic. We can't be the only species enthralled by the eternal question: What the @#$% is going on over there?
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-18 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 167988
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre came along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiter exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year - wait, this whole thing is confidential, right?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-08 real 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-08 Pub. Date: 2018-02-08
Image Number: 168183
Caption: What do you mean, do I believe aliens abduct people? You talkin' Donald Trump aliens, or is you talkin' Men in Black aliens? More like Fire in the Sky aliens, as seen in the 1993 film that's based on an actual account. I just think if that eyeball scene is real, it would explain why the whole country's so cranky. You spendin' way too much time on Youtube.
     
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