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Candorville

Comics about quotes and quoting.

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Result page:    2  3  4  Next  (69 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-01 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-01 Pub. Date: 2019-09-01
Image Number: 179190
Caption: I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal You're the disease, and I'm the cure. Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said Consider that a divorce. Or like in They live, when just before he killed a bunch of evil aliens, Rowdy Roddy Piper said "I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick (butt) ... and I'm al out of bubblegum. Your task tonight is to generate six one-liners I can use whenever I squeeze unpaid work out of my employees. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. You're the rest, and I'm the bed. The kind with spikes on it ... See? That's awful. Fix that up and give me sixe more.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-19 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-19 Pub. Date: 2019-08-19
Image Number: 179093
Caption: Hi Mrs. Cass. It's Lemont Brown, your pupil from Baldwin kindergarten class of 1980. I'm writing my memoir, and I'm hoping you can check your records and confirm that I'm remembering an incident from back then correctly. That time I led the class in a rebellion against naptime ... Do your files show that I shouted You have nothing to lose but your blankies? Oh, you don't? ... So I guess you were lying when you said it would go down on my permanent record ... Yes ma'am, I have been waiting 40 years to do that.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-13 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-13 Pub. Date: 2019-07-13
Image Number: 178425
Caption: Did you see that video where important world leaders are talking at the G-20 … and wondering why the heck Donald Trump's daughter is trying to be part of their conversation? It triggered me. It brought back that time in college where I found myself at the same party with Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela. I interjected with a pretty enlightening Sanford and Son analogy, and things got awkward. Why is you still talkin'?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-19 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-19 Pub. Date: 2019-06-19
Image Number: 178162
Caption: I read the President's going to start keeping migrant kids at Fort Sill … one of the concentration camps where we kept Japanese Americans during World War II. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Santayana. It's one of the most-repeated quotes ever ... which means all of mankind probably needs to see a ... what do you call a memory-doctor? I forget.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-26 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-26 Pub. Date: 2019-04-26
Image Number: 177327
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some old quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. My bad can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-15 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-15 Pub. Date: 2019-03-15
Image Number: 176728
Caption: You sure in trouble now, Big L. All I did was write an article quoting what Ilhan Omar actually said … and pointing out that most of the people we see loudly insisting it was antisemetic seem to not be Jewish. I've seen a lot of Jewish people coming to her defense. So maybe it's more complicated. That's all I wrote ... so I have no idea why Congress passed a resolution against me. Ain't nobody in the mood for complicated no more, bruh.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-22 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-22 Pub. Date: 2019-02-22
Image Number: 176395
Caption: I did some research, and I'm not sure George Bernard Shaw ever really said that quote I attributed to him. Yeh … You is a journalist, bruh. What do you mean, Clyde? You got it wrong on Tuesday, an' you just barely correctin' it now, on Friday when nobody payin' attention. Y'know ... Most people who aren't journalists never correct themselves at all. You sure that's accurate?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-21 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-21 Pub. Date: 2019-02-21
Image Number: 176394
Caption: I looked up that Ralph Waldo Emerson quote. He said … To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment. I wonder if he'd have said that if he hadn't died in 1882. I'm not sure marching to the beat of one's own drummer is as great an accomplishment as walking on the moon, for instance. Shhh. Gilligan Island be on.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-20 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-20 Pub. Date: 2019-02-20
Image Number: 176393
Caption: To roll how you roll when erebody want you to roll different … that's everything … Ralph Waldo Emer's son said that. That's now what Emerson said. It is too. Emer's son tol' me that hisself back in second grade. Wow. You were into Emerson back in second grade. Huh? Nah, bruh. We was just friends. What? What?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-01 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-01 Pub. Date: 2019-02-01
Image Number: 176035
Caption: Were I but a gossamer figment of they father's illumination … that I might reach for the golden moment … the singular image of that sweet glimmering night … then upon my breast I would beseech thee, do not speak kindly, but carry a dagger and consign thyself to havoc. I'm not convinced that you're quoting Shakespeare. I suspect you're stringing together a bunch of random words. Knaves! Fiends! Avail thyself of house and bitter rain and sleep no more.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-12 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-12 Pub. Date: 2018-03-12
Image Number: 169393
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Pentagon. Hi, Pentagon, this is Lemont Brown with the news site candorville.com. I'm writing a story, and I'm just wondering … could you remind me how many countries we're currently bombing? I wouldn't want to get it wrong. Is it still seven, or is it eight now? Click. Can I quote you on that?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-09 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-09 Pub. Date: 2017-12-09
Image Number: 165708
Caption: Clyde, I did some investigating, and I don't think Doctor Seuss said that quote you attributed to him. A variation of don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened has also been attributed to Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Ludwig Jacobowski … and that brother Big Oatmeal down my the car wash. Don't attribute a quote to someone until you've googled it. Abraham Lincoln said that. You googled all that jus' so you could tell that joke. Admit it.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-06 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-06 Pub. Date: 2017-12-06
Image Number: 165705
Caption: Of course they gon' kill net neutrality, Big L. So what we won't be able to visit any site we want to online anymore. Nothin' good last forever, bruh. It's like that old Doctor Zeus book said … Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. I don't think Doctor Seuss meant we should apply that to our freedom. Freedom just an illusion, bruh, like parking tickets.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-12 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-12 Pub. Date: 2017-06-12
Image Number: 159151
Caption: Sup, fool? I'm here to pick up bad boy Lionel Brown. Where he at? You're not the father. Day Care. If I had a dime for 'erytime I had heard that … Is that supposed to be a joke? Nah, sis … Maury was deadly serious, 'erytime. What? What? (Sigh) Nevermind. Are you on the list? I was once. But to be in the audience, not up on the show. What? What?
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-02 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-02 Pub. Date: 2017-04-02
Image Number: 155710
Caption: You realize we've been fighting in Afghanistan for fifteen years now? The war's old enough to get a work permit. The war's old enough to get married in seven states, with parental consent. The Candorville Chronicle. Trump Hotel Mars not cause of NASA … The war's old enough to be held criminally liable for breaking the law. It's old enough to roll its eyes at its parents and think they don't know anything about anything. Dems consider, reject change. The Afghanistan war is old enough to have read Orwell's "1984," in which he wrote "The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous." Wait ... we're still in Afghanistan? The war is old enough to Google that quote and find out Orwell didn't really write that.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-18 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-18 Pub. Date: 2017-02-18
Image Number: 154537
Caption: "A rising tide lifts all boats," except the ones made of cardboard. This end …
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-31 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-31 Pub. Date: 2017-01-31
Image Number: 153972
Caption: I interviewed President Trump the other day. I think he really believes he only lost the popular vote because there were up to 5 million illegal votes … even though there's zero evidence of that. It didn't make sense 'til yesterday. Remember that line from the Seinfeld rerun we saw last night? "A lie is not a lie if you believe it." America elected George Costanza president.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-02 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-02 Pub. Date: 2016-11-02
Image Number: 150473
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year. 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. "My bad" can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-02 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-02 Pub. Date: 2016-06-02
Image Number: 143921
Caption: Hi, San Francisco? This is Lemont Brown from Candorville.com, the news blog. You just announced people will be able to reserve a spot of grass in a public park. But they have to go on your website and pay up to $250. And if they sit on grass someone else paid for, they might get tossed out by security. I just have one question: Can people also reserve a spot in the growing gap between the rich and poor? Click. Can I quote you on that?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-22 quote 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-22 Pub. Date: 2016-04-22
Image Number: 142116
Caption: Hi, this is Lemont Brown. I'm looking for a good preschool for my son, and you come highly recommended. Yes, he interacts "well" with other kids … Yes, he "follows" directions … Yes, he's potty "trained." What do you mean you're rejecting my son? … Seriously? How could you tell I was using air quotes over the phone? ... Hello? Do not lean on door.
     
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