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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-08 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-08 Pub. Date: 2019-12-08
Image Number: 180640
Caption: Last week, a drunk driver almost ran me off the road. Dr. Noodle. So I tweeted Drunk drivers are the worst. Some guy replied What about violent criminals? He wrote They kill people and take their stuff on purpose. Why are you minimizing violent crime? I replied This is stupid. Then someone else replied that I'm heartless for writing that Caring about violent crime is stupid. I replied with That's not what I said! Have you considered that social media is a waste of time? Someone else replied He's denying it. That's proof he know he got caught.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-01 Pub. Date: 2019-12-01
Image Number: 180584
Caption: I saw that article you wrote about how California should do a public takeover of that PG&E utility company … just because they seem to keep starting massive wildfires. And to stop that they keep turning off power for millions of people. Yeah. The state's publicly-owned utilities like SMUD and Silicon Valley Power don't seem to get themselves into these predicaments. Maybe that's because they don't spend their money on lobbyists, fancy dinners, huge salaries, or dividend payments. Yeah, but Venezuela. Um ... What? That's the universally recognized trump card for any conversation. So declared by the International Association of Weaselly Arguments. I don't recognize their authority. Venezuela.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-25 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-25 Pub. Date: 2019-11-25
Image Number: 180571
Caption: I can't stand it when black people whine about so-called racism. We live in a country where hundreds of thousands of white people died in a civil war to end slavery. How could people still think racism is a big part of this country in light of that history? Well, first of all ... didn't 260,000 of those Americans die trying to keep slavery? Ancient history. Has nothing to do with anything.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-21 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-21 Pub. Date: 2019-11-21
Image Number: 180467
Caption: The next election may be the last election. Russia hacked election systems in all fifty states last time. All signs point to that being just a trial run. And since one of our parties has spent the last couple decades suppressing votes, half the country has been trained not to care whether elections are fair. I think all votes should count, when they're cast by the right people. I heard that.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-20 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-20 Pub. Date: 2019-11-20
Image Number: 180466
Caption: I think everything went wrong when people decided not to care about the Iran-Contra thing. That's when we decided presidents could do whatever they want and get away with it. Our Democracy has been circling the drain of authoritarianism for the last 32 years. What we're witnessing now is just the big flush. It's a new metaphor I'm trying out. You should keep working on that.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-12 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-12 Pub. Date: 2019-11-12
Image Number: 180299
Caption: 1982. Momma says I should be a teacher when I grow up. I said I want to be a writer, and she said 40 years from now, nobody's gonna read.. I said I want to be an astronaut, and she said we already did the moon, and 40 years from now, NASA's gonna be out of a business. Why a teacher, though? Momma said The one thing we know people will still be doing in 40 years is making kids. So I asked her how they make kids. That's when she said I should be an astronaut. My mama can never make up her mind either.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-01 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-01 Pub. Date: 2019-11-01
Image Number: 180106
Caption: Everyone goes through this at one time or another, Lemont. It's important not to worry about what other people think of you, if you know you're doing the right thing. It's important to get to a place of self-confidence, self-assurance, peace. Whatever. I still think your new Get your 10 psychosis treated free punchcards make you look tacky. And yet I'm at peace with that.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-19 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-19 Pub. Date: 2019-10-19
Image Number: 179919
Caption: A country this polarized is destined for civil war, don't you think? Spare change? Will work 4 food. Of course not! You're not just ignorant and reckless for saying that … you're evil! Something should be done about people like you.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-16 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-16 Pub. Date: 2019-10-16
Image Number: 179916
Caption: I counted fifteen punctuation errors on your site in the past five years, Lemont. It's not a huge number, but it's the kind of thing that can damage your Q rating. I propose a 3-phase operation: Hire an editor to prevent future occurrences … Have my people scrub all your past articles to correct every error ... and have a foreign troll farm impugn the intelligence of anyone who's ever pointed out those errors. When's your vacation over? You really need to go back to work.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-15 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-15 Pub. Date: 2019-10-15
Image Number: 179915
Caption: What do you think like will be like in the year 2036? I take it you mean for those of us who survive the upcoming world war? It'll be awesome. We've got 7.7 billion people on earth. That's why too many. But after the autocrats get their war, we'll have maybe 100,000 left. There'll only be a handful of people in any given city. Not counting mutants. I feel like we've had this conversation before, Lemont. The nuclear wasteland is going to have very affordable housing. Dios mio.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-14 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-14 Pub. Date: 2019-10-14
Image Number: 179914
Caption: 1982. What do you think life'll be like in the year 2019? I take it you mean for those of us who survive the nuclear Armageddon. It'll be pretty rad. We've got 4.6 billion people on earth right now. That's way too much. After the nuclear war, we'll have maybe 10,000 people left. We'll have to scrounge to survive. There will be no time for hate. No time for chores. No time for homework. The nuclear wasteland will be a paradise. I like when you're optimistic.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-13 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-13 Pub. Date: 2019-10-13
Image Number: 179803
Caption: The other day, my little girl insisted that our dog was a horse. Dr. Noodle. So I took her to a ranch and showed her a real horse. She said This is a horsey? Then … our doggie is a doggie. That evening, we had dinner with my dad. He said The President has never lied. That shocked me. So I pulled up the Washington Post's list of over 12,000 lies the President's told. He dismissed it all as fake news, called reporters Enemies of the people, and said Jeff Bezos and everyone who buys from Amazon are of questionable citizenship. I still don't think it's wide of you to refuse to talk to anyone older than three from now on. Do you happen to know any toddlers with a psychiatric degree.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-06 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-06 Pub. Date: 2019-10-06
Image Number: 179724
Caption: The American people are so happy that we have the greatest president of all time! Sure, some libs hate him, but the American people laugh at those losers! LOLOLOLOL! The American people are 100% behind our POTUS! What're you doing, auditioning for the role of Suckup who posts fawning replies every single time the President tweets? Heh-heh ... Heh ... You know they have bots for that, right? *@#$! automation is ruining everything!
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-27 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-27 Pub. Date: 2019-09-27
Image Number: 179621
Caption: I left the Chronicle years ago to start my own site. But now they want me to collaborate with them on a story. The questions is: Do you think you'd be moving backward? What're you talkin -- I didn't ask if you though I'd be moving backward. Are you wearing earbuds? Um ... Do you often imagine people are wearing earbuds?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-17 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-17 Pub. Date: 2019-09-17
Image Number: 179499
Caption: Sir, I demand you let me fire Dick Fink. He's condescending, slovenly, forgetful, always late, and I'm fairly sure he's made two attempts on my life. You have to learn to tolerate people who are different from you, Garcia. He's blackmailing you, isn't he. I've never even heard of Vegas and I deny everything.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-07 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-07 Pub. Date: 2019-09-07
Image Number: 179299
Caption: You know the Amazon produces a lot of oxygen, and now it's burning up? So? This a good thing, bruh. Amazon rainforest makes oxygen. People breathe it in. Know what they breath out? Carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide be causing global warming. By transitive logic, the Amazon rainforest be causin' global warming. That's ... look, for one thing, the Amazon soaks up carbon dioxide. Tell it to make up its mind.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-24 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-24 Pub. Date: 2019-08-24
Image Number: 179098
Caption: Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-23 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-23 Pub. Date: 2019-08-23
Image Number: 179097
Caption: Seems like we may be headed for a recession. Is now a good time to get out of the stock market? C-Dog's incredibly bad advice $2. Nah, bruh, now the time to put half your money in McDonald's an' KFC an' let it ride. In hard times, people be double-fisting that comfort food, Big L. Recessions don't last forever, though. That's why you put the other half into 48-Hour Fitness.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-05 people 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-05 Pub. Date: 2019-08-05
Image Number: 178904
Caption: Did you know ICE and border patrol are detaining American citizens now? So far it's just a few. They detained 18-year-old Francisco Erwin Galicia for almost a month … even though he showed his state ID and his social security card. His mom showed them his birth certificate proving he was born in Dallas. But they still wouldn't release him ... not until the Dallas morning news reported on it. I still agree with the readers who said it was crude for you to title your article The Press is the Enema of the People.
     
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