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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-04 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-04 Pub. Date: 2019-08-04
Image Number: 178780
Caption: Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. Doctor's orders. I thought you might say that. That's why I brought along my doctor. He can attest that I'm perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. Mortimer Park is perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. His bones are strong, his blood pressure is dandy, and he's got the pancreas of a man half his age. Give my patient a quadruple espresso, stat!!! You're a great ventriloquist, but your aim is lousy.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-17 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-17 Pub. Date: 2019-06-17
Image Number: 178142
Caption: White supremacist moves into town … Florida teen accused of posing as a doctor. Denies diagnosing patients … Middle school teacher secretly ran white supremacist podcast … AR-15 rifles to protect crops from hogs … What on earth do you Google that makes youtube think you want to watch all that? The most inbred people of all time.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-22 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-22 Pub. Date: 2019-04-22
Image Number: 177323
Caption: My cousin Mafalda just got deported. Seriously? Why? What happened? She went to renew her work visa, and they told her forget it. Didn't even give her a reason. But she runs a health clinic. What about all her patients? What about me? I was about to go in and get a checkup. What? You were not. Now I'll have to wait till she goes back to Mexico, files and appeal, comes back and restarts her clinic. Dios mio. Stop coming up with excuses not to go to the doctor.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-17 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-17 Pub. Date: 2017-07-17
Image Number: 160501
Caption: Would you like the good news or the bad. Bad. Ok. That "Vancouver" chick you're so in love with is cheating on you. Omigod … What's the good news? Since you don't have health insurance, the hospital says the albatrossectomy cost you $15,000. $15,000?! That's the good news?! Did I forget to say "relatively"? Dios mio.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-17 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-17 Pub. Date: 2017-04-17
Image Number: 157012
Caption: My cousin Mafalda just got deported. Seriously? Why? What happened? She went to renew her work visa, and they told her to forget it. Didn't even give her a reason. But she runs a health clinic. What about all her patients? What about me? I was about to go in and get a checkup. What? You were not. Now I'll have to wait till she goes back to Mexico, files and appeal, comes back and restarts her clinic. Dios mio. Stop coming up with excuses not to go to the doctor.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-23 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-23 Pub. Date: 2015-02-23
Image Number: 123396
Caption: So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, for the fifth time, some girl at the bus stop beat the spit of me because I corrected her grammar. So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, the sixth time, some. Work with me here! General Hospital. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-01-11).
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-21 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-21 Pub. Date: 2014-09-21
Image Number: 115916
Caption: I just can't stop getting ahead of myself, doc. The other day, I was on a job interview … Dr. Noodle. They're not going to call me back, doc. You don’t know that. When they asked if I had any questions, I asked how secure the retirement pension was. That's not too bad. I asked the interviewer if I could call her "Susan." Still not that bad. ... So you think it wasn't that big a deal when they noticed I'd put a few sandwiches in their refrigerator? ... Do you have any other job prospects? Yeah, but Susan looked at me funny when I asked her for a letter of reference.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-06 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-06 Pub. Date: 2014-03-06
Image Number: 108216
Caption: I thought you were supposed to be in therapy right now. Me too. We were supposed to talk about my fear of abandonment. Bit the therapist never showed up.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-16 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-16 Pub. Date: 2013-08-16
Image Number: 100293
Caption: On the one hand, what you've just told me is incredibly alarming … General Hospital. … And as a healer, I took an oath to help those in pain. It is my calling. I don’t accept malady and suffering, not if there's anything I can do about it. What do you mean, "on the one hand"? I also don't accept your insurance.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-13 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-13 Pub. Date: 2013-07-13
Image Number: 99043
Caption: I still don’t get what happened. I realize my health insurance was about to run out … … So I had a panic attack. You'd do anything to get yo money's worth. Hey, I ordered extra penicillin.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-02-02 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-02-02 Pub. Date: 2013-02-02
Image Number: 93014
Caption: Have you ever seen "The Neverending Story"? No. It takes too long. (Published originally on 2010-09-25).
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-11 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-11 Pub. Date: 2013-01-11
Image Number: 91987
Caption: So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, for the fifth time, some girl at the bus stop beat the spit of me because I corrected her grammar. So you're sayin' you fought off six dudes in the alley? No, the sixth time, some. Work with me here! General Hospital.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-03 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-03 Pub. Date: 2012-12-03
Image Number: 90577
Caption: It's all coming back to me, doc. I was reporting on the Mexican drug cartels … PhD. Then it all went wrong. I got kidnapped. I ignored warnings. I made a mistake. AND THE WORLD ENDED. Lemont? We're still here. If the world ended, how can that be? How can the sky glow after the sun has already set? How can smoke rise after the candle has already gone out? Yes, yes ... How can my tongue still taste all aluminum-y long after I finish the diet cola? Leave the poetry to your patients. PhD. (Published originally on April 27, 2011.)
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-13 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-13 Pub. Date: 2012-07-13
Image Number: 51942
Caption: Lemont, why don't you tell her exactly what you want? I want her to stop scaring me spitless with all her talk about bed bugs and asteroids and flesh-eating viruses. How do you feel about what Lemont just said? What if I only scare him twice a week. THIS IS NOT A NEGOTIATION!!! Ok, three times a week, but I feel like I'm compromising more than he is. (this cartoon was originally published in 2010).
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-12 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-12 Pub. Date: 2012-07-12
Image Number: 51941
Caption: She's crazy! She's been scaring me spitless for YEARS. Have not. Very few SCIENTISTS BELIEVE AIDS MAY or may not HAVE MUTATED INTO AN AIRBORNE VIRUS!!! HOLDing YOUR BREATH is not necessary! You forgave me for that! You can't keep throwing that in my face! And what was all that mess about asteroids blowing up the Earth? I thought we moved past that. (This cartoon was originally published in 2010).
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-11 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-11 Pub. Date: 2012-07-11
Image Number: 51940
Caption: She's always trying to scare the spit out of me. I can't take it anymore. I see. And how do YOU feel about what Lemont just said? I care about him. I want him to be informed. Is that so bad? Scratch scratch scr-- SCRATCHING YOUR NOSE CAN LEAD TO CATCHING THE FLESH-EATING VIRUS!!! Fascinating. ... What? You see what I'm working with here?! (This cartoon was originally published in 2010).
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-26 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-26 Pub. Date: 2012-02-26
Image Number: 76209
Caption: What's the main reason I'm here, you mean? Dr. Noodle. I'd have to say the main reason is that I'm controlled by my fears. … Or maybe it's because I interrupt people way too much. … Or maybe it's because my parents are suffocating me. … Or maybe it's because I have trouble making decisions. Eureka. Maybe I actually don't need therapy.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-16 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-16 Pub. Date: 2012-01-16
Image Number: 43923
Caption: twitter. Sassynic: Jumping jacks … have those ever been considered a real exercise? They seem so … fake to me. They're the breast implants of exercises. Candorville: If a caveman saw all the glowing, blinking devices in my room, he'd flip out. I'd hate 2 see what he'd do if he saw my bills for all of them. I don't understand, what's this have to do with you deciding you no longer need counseling? I'm cured! All the voices in my head have been crowded out by all the voices in my phone. (Published originally on 2010-02-08.)
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-31 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-31 Pub. Date: 2011-07-31
Image Number: 63739
Caption: Last month, I watched NASA launch the very last space shuttle mission, ever. It's been a whole month and I haven't heard anyone even talk about it. I remember watching the first shuttle launch, when I was six. It pre-empted Romper room. That's how big a deal it was. We don't dream big as a country anymore. We don't believe we can rebuild our roads, let alone get to Mars. I see ... Dreaming is over. This still doesn't explain why you're stuck on a girl who treats you badly. When you deserve so much more. If the country doesn't dream big, why should I?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-10 patient 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-10 Pub. Date: 2011-07-10
Image Number: 63062
Caption: My brother's buying a house. I didn't know that was really possible. We never owned anything growing up. We couldn't afford books, so we'd go to the library. We couldn’t afford a car so we'd take the bus ... We come from a long line of renters. I'd convinced myself it had to be that way. After all we're all only renting our time on this earth anyway. Ownership is a delusion. The only thing we can really own is our soul. I see. You're wondering if you can conquer the limits you've placed on yourself, like your brother did. I'm wondering if my brother will rent me his basement cheap.
     
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