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Candorville

Comics about being paranoid .

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Result page:    2  Next  (29 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-11 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-11 Pub. Date: 2019-08-11
Image Number: 178906
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. How so I know you're you? Today's special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. Pardon? The real Uncle Mort always orders espresso. But a month ago, just for laughs, I took a picture of him with Faceapp, that app that show what you'll look like decades older. Then we discovered the app's fine print says you're granting the Russians who made it permission to use your photos for any reason. How do I know you're not a Russian spy surgically altered to look like Uncle Mort? (Words indicating Russian language). I mean, Don't be paranoid. Yeah ... Yeah I guess you're right.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-27 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-27 Pub. Date: 2019-05-27
Image Number: 177788
Caption: How come all your social media say you at the National Writers Society annual convention right now? You was there last week. You here now, bruh. Isn't it obvious, Clyde? I don't want burglars to know when I'm not in town. That's just paranoid, Big L. Since when is it paranoid to always time-shift my life by one week? There wasn't -- I mean, there prolly wasn't nothin' in your apartment worth stealin' no way.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-27 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-27 Pub. Date: 2019-01-27
Image Number: 175735
Caption: Ever since the president announced he'd be pulling troops out of Syria, I've felt like some nefarious entity has put blinders on me. And I only see what they want me to see. Dr. Noodle. I spent all day channel-flipping between MSNBC, Fox and CNN … and reading all the usual newspapers ... and then it hit me ... I didn't read or hear a single voice saying we should not be militarily occupying other people's countries. It's as if the media's entire purpose is to pretend there is no dissenting opinion about our endless wars. Look what happened when Phil Donahue. He had the highest rated show on MSNBC. But as soon as he came out against invading Iraq, he disappeared! Anti-war voices in the media always disappear. That's a bit paran ... Hey ... where'd you ... ?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-30 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-30 Pub. Date: 2018-10-30
Image Number: 174716
Caption: I was reporting on an instance of voter suppression when the county took my son. They said I was endangering him. When I asked why, they said no you're being belligerent. When I suggested they were trying to discourage the press from covering their dirty tricks, they said I was exhibiting signs of paranoia. When I said I was going to write a story about this, they accused me of threatening them. Is that why you ran a story about the local bunny farm instead of the one about voter suppression? I got my son back. That's all that matters.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-19 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-19 Pub. Date: 2018-08-19
Image Number: 173372
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath them they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a nondisclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-18 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-18 Pub. Date: 2018-04-18
Image Number: 170576
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia … which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for year. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia. 2002.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-05 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-05 Pub. Date: 2017-12-05
Image Number: 165704
Caption: Am I paranoid, doc? I interviewed FCC Chairman Ajit Pai the other day … Dr. Noodle. I asked why he's so bent on killing net neutrality when it's the only thing stopping internet service providers from picking and choosing which websites we see. He said there's no evidence they do that. I said "Yeah, that's because net neutrality rules have forbidden them from doing that." All of a sudden our Skype conversation slowed to a crawl. First we should examine the possibility he was talking in slow motion just to mess with you.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-10 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-10 Pub. Date: 2017-09-10
Image Number: 161858
Caption: My uncle keeps sending me crazy, paranoid conspiracy theories he hears on Youtube. Dr. Noodle. It all started a few years ago when he sent me an email about how the victims of the Hindenburg crash were all crisis actors. These same victims died on the Titanic! He wrote. Then he told me President Obama was setting up Femur Camps, where he'd be letting the Illuminati harvest our femur bones for voodoo incantations to turn all our frogs into insomniacs. When I asked him why on earth would anyone want to do that? he said I had been brainwashed by the cabal that runs both the fake news and the pepperoni industries. So I replied why would they waste their time brainwashing me? What would they gain from that? Does your uncle have a hobby? Get him to refer uncle!!! $$$$$$$ ... because it's possible that you're his hobby. He said they've brainwashed me into thinking there's nothing to gain from brainwashing me.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-12 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-12 Pub. Date: 2016-06-12
Image Number: 143982
Caption: It all started when … hired me to … they flew me to … to meet the CEO. Dr. Noodle. I was so excited. I'd never been to … before. They took me to a reception for their biggest clients. There was wine and cheese and an awesome … best I've ever … That's when they brought out the 900-pound ... and the albatross. They all started ... around them. They stripped off all their clothes, and beneath then they were all wearing robes made of actual living ... Look, there's abiding by a non-disclosure agreement, and then there's paranoia. I think they may have bugged my ...
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-09 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-09 Pub. Date: 2016-03-09
Image Number: 140180
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia … which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for years. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-20 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-20 Pub. Date: 2015-06-20
Image Number: 128381
Caption: Dear person who keeps calling the wrong number, you've reached the same wrong number once again. I can't come to the phone 'cause I'm busy having a secret affair with the person you're trying to reach, or tying them up, or impersonating them, or stealing their phone, or whatever paranoid nonsense has you thinking I'm lying about this being the wrong number. Please call back a couple more times and ask me if I'm "sure" I'm not someone who's not me. Beep.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-09 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-09 Pub. Date: 2014-11-09
Image Number: 118031
Caption: What brings you to therapy? I feel like everyone's out to get me, because I'm the top dog. I'm the Tony Soprano. The Gus Fring. The Nino Brown. The other day, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Groundhog Day ate pasta e fagioli in a private booth at Whole Foods. They were conspiring to knock me off! My own lieutenants betrayed me after all I've done for them! I have eyes everywhere! Don't they know this? I'll just check the box next to "paranoid delusions." Those traitors are about to find out "coal" is just a euphemism.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-26 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-26 Pub. Date: 2014-05-26
Image Number: 111789
Caption: My son slept all night ling, Clyde. First time ever. Usually I can't get any uninterrupted sleep because he's always getting up. But last night, he didn’t even make a sound. … So I ended up staying up all night to make sure he wasn't dead.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-04 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-04 Pub. Date: 2014-04-04
Image Number: 109565
Caption: How come I never see any photos of your son, Lemont? Susan … the custody agreement specifically says I can't show you any pictures of him. His mom despised you. She once said the reason we weren't working out was because I was always comparing her to you in my head. What'd you say back? I said "Susan would never say anything that paranoid."
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-30 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-30 Pub. Date: 2014-03-30
Image Number: 108533
Caption: NASA found 715 new planets, Clyde. That makes about 1,700. But they can only detect planets that orbit the stars at certain angles relative to Earth. Do you have any idea what that means? That you gon' be talkin' for another twenty, twenty-five minutes? It means that for every planet they've detected, there are 1,000 more they can't detect because of the angle of their orbits. That means there are at least 1,700,000 planets up there that are right in our cosmic back yard. Whatever, dawg. Let's go outside. I can't. All of a sudden I feel like a whole lot of people are watching me. I never shoulda stole you that telescope when we was six.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-07 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-07 Pub. Date: 2013-12-07
Image Number: 104629
Caption: Sorry Clyde, I don’t share newspapers during the flu season. It's important to take reasonable precautions. For instance … Thug 4 Life. I try not to touch anything that's been touched by other living hands, from October to March. You crazy. Please don’t talk to me with your mouth open.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-23 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-23 Pub. Date: 2013-11-23
Image Number: 104087
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out. (Originally published on 2012-04-14).
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-10 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-10 Pub. Date: 2013-03-10
Image Number: 93969
Caption: Why have you come to Therapy, Mr. Lapew? "Mr. Lapierre." Wayne Lapierre, of the NRA. Dr. Noodle. I see. And what brings you to therapy? I'm afraid I may be paranoid, doctor. Last month I said on TV that the reason we need more guns is because Americans will SURELY find ourselves in a post-apocalyptic "hellish world ... " ... Filled with hurricanes, tornadoes, gangs and criminals, euro-style debt riots, and looters who'd murder you over a box of Pampers. I can see why you think you may be paranoid. So you agree. The thought that nobody's taking me seriously is all in my head. What? What?
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-06 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-06 Pub. Date: 2012-08-06
Image Number: 85359
Caption: I don’t see why Janet Jackson upset about her niece bein' in a movie. Maybe she thinks Michael Jackson's daughter should have a normal childhood … Thug 4 Life. … Instead of having random guys at bus stops talking about her. Thug 4 Life. That's paranoid. What's the odds of that happening? Thug 4 Life.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-14 paranoid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-14 Pub. Date: 2012-04-14
Image Number: 79199
Caption: Kids are put on this earth for one reason only: To make sure adults don't get any sleep. It's a vast conspiracy run by a cabal of population-control fanatics. Kids equal sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation equals early death. Early death equals seven billion people on earth instead of seventeen billion. So "they" encourage us to have more children so there'll be fewer people? I didn't say I had every little detail worked out.
     
Result page:    2  Next  (29 images)