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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-14 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-14 Pub. Date: 2019-07-14
Image Number: 178556
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-20 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-20 Pub. Date: 2018-01-20
Image Number: 167360
Caption: Will work for $$$. Will explain the appeal of Donald Trump for $$$. (Originally published on 2016-01-02).
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-19 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-19 Pub. Date: 2018-01-19
Image Number: 167359
Caption: Oh, you got a big date tonight? Glad you came in. I could do somethin' for you. I could tell you ain't no haircut in the world gonna make a woman like you. If she like you, she like you. In fact, only thing a woman like more than a man who's all put together is a man she can put together. I don't think we like the same type of woman. Women like a scar, too. I could give you one. That'd be extra. (Originally published on 2016-01-01).
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-18 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-18 Pub. Date: 2018-01-18
Image Number: 167358
Caption: This C-Dog. Whachoo want, fool? Clyde, it's me, Lemont. I just wanna say thanks for watching Lionel for me tonight. Just an FYI: I'm potty training him, so please don't put a diaper on him till bedtime. Also, he's refusing to use the potty, so he may jump up and run around the house in mid-poop. Why you ain't tell me all this BEFORE I agreed to watch him?! No reason. (Originally published on 2015-12-31)
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-17 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-17 Pub. Date: 2018-01-17
Image Number: 167357
Caption: I'm not in love with my girlfriend anymore. How do I fix that? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice 50¢. Here what you do, bruh: Pretend she ain't your girlfriend. Pretend she the hot single women you first noticed. You mean try to look at her with fresh eyes again? I meant go see other women ... but that could work too. (Originally published on 2015-12-30)
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-16 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-16 Pub. Date: 2018-01-16
Image Number: 167356
Caption: I've considered what you said, about how every story, change only occurs after an interlude. But those are stories, Rosencrantz, not real life. In real life, the biggest changes often occur randomly and unexpectedly. There usually is no calm before the storm. We often jarringly shift from one storm to the next. And unlike with fictional characters, the actions of real people often don't make sense. I still demand to know why you took my shoe. (Originally published on 2015-12-29).
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-15 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-15 Pub. Date: 2018-01-15
Image Number: 167355
Caption: Let's take a moment for a brief interlude, between what was, and what will be. All the days in all the years we've been partnered have been the same, Tyrone. Wake up. Scrounge. Reflect on our dire circumstance but do nothing to change it. And then drift back to sleep. But it occurred to me today, in every story I've ever read, there's been an interlude between the status quo and the big change. I feel interludy. Do you feel interludy? Not even a little bit. (This cartoon was originally published on 2015-12-28).
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-04 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-04 Pub. Date: 2016-06-04
Image Number: 143923
Caption: Have fun, Sherry! When you're done, take the chainsaw back here to me. Pardon me … couldn’t help but overhear … What you really meant to say was "bring," not "take." "Take" would only be appropriate if you were NOT going to be here when she got back. I will bring you great pain and suffering. Perfect! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-26).
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-14 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-14 Pub. Date: 2016-05-14
Image Number: 143026
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because the caller ID says "blocked ID," and I'm annoyed with the fact that you know who I am, but I don’t know who you are. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I feel like talking to someone who like to have other people at a disadvantage. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-01).
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-13 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-13 Pub. Date: 2016-05-13
Image Number: 143025
Caption: What's the last book you read, Clyde? The Bible. Really? You read the Bible? Of course. The Bible tell us no matter what awful, horrendous, calamitous thing we done, it already forgiven an' forgotten. What did you do? If JESUS don’t remember, why should I? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-28).
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-12 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-12 Pub. Date: 2016-05-12
Image Number: 143024
Caption: What's the last thing you usually think about at night? Is it me? Pizza. You. Oh. I really don’t think I could ever go through life without pizza. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-27).
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-11 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-11 Pub. Date: 2016-05-11
Image Number: 143023
Caption: Seriously, you should cast me in your commercial, Susan. I've always wanted to act. I need money. The thought of connecting with an audience on an emotional level is just intoxicating. I need money. I've always wanted a chance to connect with an audience on an emotional level I need money. I REALLY wish I could, Lemont, but I can only cast union actors. You'd probably stink. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-26).
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-10 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-10 Pub. Date: 2016-05-10
Image Number: 143022
Caption: Do you ever stop to think about how videos of you are all over the place? Huh? People are always filming things with their phones. You know how many times you've probably appeared as an extra in someone else's phone movie? You still can't star in that commercial I'm casting. But I have a pretty extensive resume. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-25).
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-09 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143021
Caption: Do you remember the very first time YOU got mad at someone? I don’t. It's one of those millions of "firsts" that are lost to time. Do you realize that everyone carrying around iPhones and Androids at all times has changed that, for the first time in human history? Whatever. I still don't think your son will ever appreciate your keeping a video of you accidentally dropping him in the toilet. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-24).
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-30 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-30 Pub. Date: 2016-04-30
Image Number: 142414
Caption: Why do I keep a journal of my son's firsts? Because they're precious moments. Why they "precious"? … Because they happen once and then they're gone forever, living only in a parent's memories. Is they still precious if they ALSO live on in your hard drive, the NSA files and Edward Snowman's briefcase? First time I've ever heard Clyde be so deep. Yeah. I wish I'd recorded that. You ain't never learnin'. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-02).
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-29 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-29 Pub. Date: 2016-04-29
Image Number: 142413
Caption: I'm proud of you, Lemont. You're a good dad. I am? You must be. We used to spend hours together. Now I only get to see you about ten minutes a day. … And when I do see you, you look horrible. It's like you save all your clothing-and-soap money for your boy. ... Thanks? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-05).
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-28 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-28 Pub. Date: 2016-04-28
Image Number: 142412
Caption: I remember your first word, son. It was "agoo." That'th not a word, daddy. It was to you. I could tell because your eyes would light up whenever I said it back to you. But in the movies people's eyes onwy wight up when they'we evil. Am I evil? What've I told you about taking things literally. I didn't take anything. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-03).
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-27 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-27 Pub. Date: 2016-04-27
Image Number: 142411
Caption: Is it weird that I've been keeping a journal of all my son's firsts? No. His first smile … His first act of defiance, the first time he said "agoo" … Is it weird that it's all annotated with photos, videos and audio recordings? No. Is it weird that I had him reenact the firsts I missed? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-31).
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-26 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-26 Pub. Date: 2016-04-26
Image Number: 142410
Caption: What do you mean America is the "angry black country"? You heard of the "angry black man' stereotype, right? A young brotha know the man out to get him. He see injustice everywhere. He don’t trust no one, not even his own allies. He always keep in fighting shape 'cause he jus' know a revolution comin'. America that intense brotha in lockdown who always be doin' one-handed pull-ups. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-25).
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-25 originally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-25 Pub. Date: 2016-04-25
Image Number: 142409
Caption: You have any plans today, Clyde? Nah dawg, that ain't how it go. The C-Dog don’t make plans, Big L. You make a plan, you spend all day tryin' to make that plan happen. … An' you fail to capitalize on the dozens of random opportunities that come outta no place ereday. Plans is for the lazy. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-14).
     
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