As our CEO-in-Chief has demonstrated, it's good for a businessman to surround himself with children who'll cover for â€¦ I mean, help him. I've tried adopting a baby, but the agency grew suspicious just because I asked for the type least likely to sell out its parent. Unfortunately, I can't just clone myself. I need an actual mate if I want to produce accomplices ... I mean "off-spring." Your job, minion, is to craft a date-a-dude.com profile for me that'll recruit ... I mean "attract" a suitable mate. Very bad man.
Facebook is an awesome thing but it's got one big flaw that makes it really horrible and dangerous. What's that, little buddy? If you have a public fan page, you can't block a stalker from reading it and posting to it. You can "ban" them from seeing your personal profile, but they can still see your fan page. it's downright criminal that Facebook allows that to happen. Why on earth do you have a "fan page"? Just 'cause no one knows who I am doesn't mean I'm not famous.