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Rudy Park

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61. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-13 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-13 Pub. Date: 2016-11-13
Image Number: 150320
Caption: The Fad Herald cometh. Did he come in a self-driving car? Hear ye, the following is now out: Politics. Yes! The following are in: Fluffy kittens, rainbows, daffodils, long hikes in the woods. Also in: Turning off the news. And for the other half of us, the following is now in ... Numbing the pain with the adult beverage of your choice, or with acupuncture. Now in: Wondering who'll run in 2020. Kanye. We need Kanye. And anyone who thinks different is a moron. I think Dukakis is primed for a comeback.
     
62. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-09 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-09 Pub. Date: 2016-11-09
Image Number: 150762
Caption: Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).
     
63. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-11 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-11 Pub. Date: 2016-09-11
Image Number: 147507
Caption: Great news! Scientists have cured many, many diseases! They've used new discoveries and innovative techniques to cure inherited liver disease … to cure cardiac disease caused by a formerly fatal genetic disorder … to cure all forms of cancer with no side effects ... and to totally reverse the aging process ... in mice. Oh COME ON!!! When will all this be applicable to humans, Chuck? We asked a scientist, but he just glanced at a tiny hole in the wall and said "Shhh ... there are ears everywhere."
     
64. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-21 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-21 Pub. Date: 2016-08-21
Image Number: 146592
Caption: $12 for bottled water?! Haven't you been watching the news? America's aging pipes are leaching chemicals into the water that cause horrific illnesses. The entire city of Flint was poisoned by lead, leading to developmental damage in children and probably causing an outbreak of Legionnaires' disease. All bottled water is tested for lead. But ours is special, it's guaranteed to be 100% free of certain other chemicals too. Our bottled water is also 100% free of adamantium, NTH metal, vibranium, kryptonite and dilithium. No other bottled water on the market makes that claim. Just give me a coffee. Regular or guaranteed aniumanium-free? Very bad man.
     
65. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-23 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-23 Pub. Date: 2016-07-23
Image Number: 146156
Caption: Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.
     
66. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-04-23 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-04-23 Pub. Date: 2016-04-23
Image Number: 142135
Caption: We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … An "Indiana Jones" producer says he can't imagine anyone other than Harrison Ford playing Indiana Jones in the upcoming sequels. This means Ford may be playing the intrepid archaeologist well into his eighties. Breaking news!!!!! He's way too young for me, but he could raid my Temple of Doom any day. We now return you to "The Price is Right."
     
67. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-04-21 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-04-21 Pub. Date: 2016-04-21
Image Number: 142133
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 4am, minion. I'm hoping it's good news, boss. I notice you haven't supported the café on Kickstarter yet. I work here. You're supposed to pay me, not the other way around. I saw something interesting on YouTube the other day: A robot that walks, performs manual labor, never complains, never sleeps, never calls in sick ... Kickstarter accepts all major forms of payment. Very bad man.
     
68. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-26 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-26 Pub. Date: 2016-03-26
Image Number: 140831
Caption: I'm sick of the media covering Donald Trump all the time! There are so many other, more important stories to cover. Like the Kardashians. Have any of them been naked lately? I hardly think that's a more important story, little buddy. You're right. I guess that really wouldn't be earth-shattering news. HOJ. How about "have any of them NOT been naked lately?" Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?
     
69. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-06 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-06 Pub. Date: 2016-03-06
Image Number: 139362
Caption: Breaking news! The Brazilian Zika virus is spreading explosively! Experts say it could be a bigger global health threat that Ebola! Most people infected with the disease won't feel any symptoms at all and those who do will probably just think it's a minor cold, experts say. Of course, if you're pregnant or may get pregnant, the virus may give your child a tiny microcephalic head. Otherwise no biggee. Wait ... what? Experts say concern over this calamitous virus is overblown. This is really no big deal at all. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!! Experts say this mostly innocuous virus could ravage the entire globe.
     
70. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-19 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-19 Pub. Date: 2015-12-19
Image Number: 136618
Caption: Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie "studio fees" for operating her radio show in the café? Well, I've got good news and bad news. What's the good? She's agreed not to resort to violence. I see. And the bad news? On today's "Sadie Cohen Radio Show": Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers.
     
71. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-03 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-03 Pub. Date: 2015-12-03
Image Number: 135995
Caption: We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … uh … never mind, we're sorry. It can wait. Please forgive us. Breaking News!!!!! Nobody messes with my routine. It'll never happen again.
     
72. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-19 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-19 Pub. Date: 2015-11-19
Image Number: 135391
Caption: This just in: A deadly new disease called "turkey leprosy" is threatening to ruin this year's holiday season. Symptoms include numbness in the feet, muscle weakness after working out, and potentially disfiguring dandruff. Sadie M. Cohen, the worlds foremost expert on turkey leprosy, issues the following statement from her front lawn. "You are all ignoramuses. There will be no further comment." What did she mean by that, Harvey? Good question. Let's discuss that for a few days.
     
73. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-24 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-24 Pub. Date: 2015-08-24
Image Number: 131657
Caption: Not cool, little buddy. Not cool. What're you talking about? Someone on Facebook posted a video of themselves making out with a ham sandwich … and you "liked" it. What? How did you know that?! We're Facebook friends. Every time you "like" something, it shows up in my newsfeed. But I thought you could only see my "like" if you've watched the video too. No ... No, I don't think so.
     
74. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-15 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-15 Pub. Date: 2015-08-15
Image Number: 131014
Caption: This just in: A sheriff's deputy in Kentucky is being sued over a video posted on Youtube … of him handcuffing a crying third-grader's biceps behind his back in a position most of us may consider torture. The child hadn't committed any crime, but he had displayed symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder and PTSD. Breaking news!!!!! Maybe the police ARE a tad out of control. Some say the child brought it on himself by having a disability.
     
75. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-19 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-19 Pub. Date: 2015-07-19
Image Number: 129104
Caption: Breaking news! The Hubble telescope has just detected a rogue planet the size of Venus, plummeting through the asteroid belt. Its gravity is pulling Ceres and several dozen mountain-sized asteroids along with it. NASA believes their combined gravity will be enough to pull Mars and the moon along with them as they scream past earth and plummet into the sun. There will only be one place on earth that won't be utterly devastated by gravimetric forces. Find out where that is later in this broadcast. But first stay tuned for sports, after these messages ... OH COME ON!!! Tired of outrageous cable bills? Switch to satellite (until they all get knocked out of orbit)!
     
76. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-11 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-11 Pub. Date: 2015-07-11
Image Number: 129354
Caption: We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking news!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.
     
77. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-06 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-06 Pub. Date: 2015-05-06
Image Number: 126576
Caption: There's nothing awesome to see at the movies these days. What're you talking about? Avengers 2 just came out. I know. It's been out for like an entire weekend. It's old news. The next blockbuster is "Mad Max," and that's not out until the 15th! Hollywood is totally neglecting the entire May 4th-to-May-15th window! That kind of gaping hole is unconscionable. You can always watch "In the Name of My Daughter."
     
78. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-05 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-05 Pub. Date: 2015-04-05
Image Number: 124320
Caption: Rudy, gas prices are rising again. I bet somehow this is bad news for me. I suppose you're wondering how that affects the café. Uh … sure. Well, did you know that a great many products are made from oil? Such as plastic? And did you know that, for a brief time, manufacturers would actually pay people to cart away all their plastic shavings? ... And did you know that it's much cheaper to cut coffee grounds with plastic shavings than to serve pure coffee? Theoretically, of course, I would never do such a thing. Anyhow, our profit margins have plummeted 0.02%, so I'll have to cut your pay. Yes! I just won a bet!
     
79. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-23 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-23 Pub. Date: 2015-03-23
Image Number: 124709
Caption: 47 Republican senators sent a letter to the government of Iran saying any agreement they reach with the president is worthless. Students in Oklahoma were caught cheerfully singing chants about lynching black people. Hillary Clinton used a private email address, and Kim Kardashian is blond now. I told you, constantly getting breaking news alerts on your phone would not end well. Jellyfish protein may help improve memory.
     
80. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-22 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-22 Pub. Date: 2015-03-22
Image Number: 123750
Caption: This just in: People can get used to anything. Scientists at Tonga Technical Online University have discovered that 81% of Americans become accustomed to horrendous news after being repetitively exposed to it for more than six weeks. Participants in the study were fed with regular updates on ISIS, Ukraine, missing airliners, the measles outbreaks, Bill Cosby and Brian Williams. 100% of participants were initially shocked. By week two, 95% had progressed to being appalled. By week six, a whopping 87% were either bored or had completely forgotten about the story that had outraged them just weeks earlier. Fix your attention span, America! By week 7, 0.01% had either moved to Syria, become pilots, refused to vaccinate their kids, started eating Jell-O pudding pops, or mistakenly "remembered" they were at Gettysburg.
     
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