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Candorville

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181. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-05 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-05 Pub. Date: 2010-01-05
Image Number: 42637
Caption: Fear, Inc. 2009 turned out to be a banner year for our division. Fox News Channel. In fact, if it weren't for us, the company would've ended the year in the red. Did you say red? You know who really liked the color red? … KARL MARX. Everybody give a round of applause to the 2009 "Salesman of the Year," GLENN BECK! Know who else measured time in years? ... Nazis.
     
182. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-12-19 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-19 Pub. Date: 2009-12-19
Image Number: 41950
Caption: In other news, the president is escalating the War in Afghanistan. This just in: thousands of Americans died this year for lack of health insurance. Zzzzz. In other news, Tiger Woods has SEX! Munch munch. Top story: thousands of Americans lost their jobs this month.
     
183. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-12-18 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-18 Pub. Date: 2009-12-18
Image Number: 41949
Caption: … So I'm sick and tired of all this talk about Tiger Woods! He's just a guy who can hit a ball with a stick! He has no impact on my life or yours! For the love of God, somebody explain to me why the media thinks I care that Tiger Woods has a couple chicks on the side! Um ... actually, what I asked was, "Are you aware your best friend, Lemont is missing and no one's seen him for weeks?" And I thought the alleged mistress count was up to eight. Nine. ... What?
     
184. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-12-05 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-12-05 Pub. Date: 2009-12-05
Image Number: 41434
Caption: (a) No, I hadn't heard the recession was over, and (b) your house is on my foot.
     
185. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-30 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-30 Pub. Date: 2009-10-30
Image Number: 40268
Caption: Hi, I'm David. I will be your kidnapper today. I'm Lemont Brown, a journalist. Nice to meet you. I'm at the forefront of Mexico's burgeoning "Kidnapping American Professionals" industry. Thriving U.S. companies pay me a lot of money to release their workers. Where should I send your ransom note? CNN? NBC? Well, I work for a newspaper. It's ... That was nice of them to give us 50 pesos. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
     
186. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-10 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-10 Pub. Date: 2009-08-10
Image Number: 37212
Caption: I'm back! How're you doing, Roxanne? How's Lionel? What nerve! While you were on vacation for a month, I had to raise Lionel all on my own. (a) I don't think he was RAISED in a month, and (b) I wasn't on vacation. I was held prisoner in an Iranian dungeon. Don't quibble. IT WAS ALL OVER THE NEWS!
     
187. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-22 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-22 Pub. Date: 2009-07-22
Image Number: 36429
Caption: In other news, a government jet was lost today when it accidentally flew straight up instead of horizontal for five hours. Officials suspect the pilot may have been distracted because he was text messaging. I told you, we're fine. We're exactly where we need to be to rescue your journalist. See? I'd know the white sands of the Iranian desert anywhere. Nuts. Foompsh.
     
188. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-16 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-16 Pub. Date: 2009-07-16
Image Number: 36192
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. I, Lemont Brown, confess I am not a reporter. I am an American spy and I caused the fake Iranian "Green Revolution." After I watched the Reman Captain Nero go back thru time 2 change Federation history in "Star Trek," CIA sent me here 2 change Iran. See? Lemont's giving us a signal so we know they're forcing him to say this! Everyone knows Nero was a Romulan, not a Reman! And he didn't change history, he created an alternate reality, leaving the original timeline intact! Dios mio I hang around Lemont way too much. Tell General Kirk I'm sorry he failed the Kobayashi Maru test.
     
189. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-13 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-13 Pub. Date: 2009-07-13
Image Number: 36189
Caption: Iran. Two weeks ago. What're you doing here? Covering the big story. Don't interrupt. Boom! Bam! Aaah. Sorry. He's rude. Continue. My sisters are still fighting in the streets for our voice to be heard. And the tyrants are still killing us. Bam! But the world has a short attention span. I am afraid the world will soon move on and forget all about us. Pow! Death to tyrants! God is great! Ouch! Again, you're avoiding my question: How did Michael Jackson's death affect you? Aaaah! Nooo! Oh dear, God!
     
190. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-11 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-11 Pub. Date: 2009-07-11
Image Number: 35973
Caption: Lemont calls the paper. What do you mean James Olsen's not in? I need to know if he got those Iran protest stories I filed. … What do you mean "elbow strain"? … Yes, I know Michael Jackson died. What's that have to -- Every editorial cartoonist in the country sent drawings of Michael Jackson moonwalking through the pearly gates. Mr. Olsen started shouting "Lazy! Cloying! Aaarggh!" Wha -- you're breakin' up. It sounded like you said "He personally beat them all down with a sock full of quarters."
     
191. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-03 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-03 Pub. Date: 2009-07-03
Image Number: 35736
Caption: Two weeks ago in Tehran … Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Twitter. Iran's "Green Revolution" exciting. With any luck, may actually bring about a kinder, gentler oppressive theocracy.
     
192. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-02 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-02 Pub. Date: 2009-07-02
Image Number: 35735
Caption: Two weeks ago, at the Candorville Chronicle … As our senior foreign correspondent, we're sending you to Iran. Really? We can … We can WHAT? Spit it out, Brown. Well, it's just that times are tight. Can we afford that? Things aren't that bad. Of course we can afford to send you to Iran. I'll pack my things. By the way, how strong of a swimmer are you?
     
193. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-01 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-01 Pub. Date: 2009-07-01
Image Number: 35734
Caption: Two weeks ago … Twitter. IranProtestr: Mousavi & Staff have been arrested. Oh no! RandmStrangr: Iranian militia storming local comic book store. Oh N … Huh? Twitter might not be the ideal source for news. iMightBcrazy: Supreme Leader Khamenei deposed by Conan O'Brien.
     
194. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-01 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-01 Pub. Date: 2009-06-01
Image Number: 34731
Caption: Liberals 9/11 whine 9/11 about 9/11 so-called torture 9/11… …But 9/11 the enhanced interrogations were 9/11 not "torture" 9/11, and even if 9/11 they were, who 9/11 gives a… Click. This is a REAL football uniform. …The kind that MEN wore. Cosby break.
     
195. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-28 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-28 Pub. Date: 2009-05-28
Image Number: 34377
Caption: Dear Annie, my father-in-law said I'm not man enough for his little girl. So I showed him one of my epithelial cells under extreme magnification and pointed out the Y chromosome. So what I want to know is, is there a non-surgical way to remove an atomic wedgie? I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!
     
196. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-26 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-26 Pub. Date: 2009-05-26
Image Number: 34375
Caption: Good news and bad news, Brown. Bad first, sir. We've had to lay off Annie Wiseacre, the "Dear Annie" advice columnist. Aw, man! I've been reading her column since… Forever, it'll be a shame to see it disappear. Well, now for the good news.
     
197. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-25 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-25 Pub. Date: 2009-05-25
Image Number: 34374
Caption: Good news and bad news, Brown. Bad first, please. Trigon Corp. is threatening to close the paper in 30 days unless we force you employees to wear rags, eat gruel… and generate your own electricity by running on a huge wheel in the basement. D'OH! What's the good news? Oh, did you say BAD first?
     
198. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
199. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-18 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-18 Pub. Date: 2009-02-18
Image Number: 30202
Caption: Lemont Brown, of NBC News. Rise and ask thy question, child. Actually, I'm not with NBC. I work for a newspaper. You poor wretch. Here's 25 shekels, buy thyself a hot meal of grains and figs. That's not funny, Mr. Burning Bush. I've been waiting all morning to do that.
     
200. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-16 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-16 Pub. Date: 2009-02-16
Image Number: 30185
Caption: I'm telling you, your fiancée and her dad…They're vampires! Yeah, I get it, they're bossy. No! Look, when Obama limited CEO pay to $500k at bailed-out companies…Roxanne's dad got mad. Went around the office biting everyone's head off. Yeah, he can yell. "That reminds me of my first day as the paper's White House correspondent..." Press. It was a bloodbath! Y'mind? You're interrupting a perfectly good flashback.
     
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