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Candorville

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241. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-26 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-26 Pub. Date: 2007-07-26
Image Number: 18009
Caption: Where's Clyde? He's been acting weird. Dunno. Haven't see him all day. It makes no sense. …In other news, having failed to stop people from using the N-word with their mock N-word burial, the NAACP is ratcheting up their campaign… …by hunting down every man, woman and child who uses the N-word gratuitously. Oh.
     
242. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-14 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-14 Pub. Date: 2007-07-14
Image Number: 17869
Caption: What's wrong, Big L? I wrote an article about how the media pays too much attention to Paris Hilton. …and? Ok… I'll repeat it very slowly…
     
243. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-09 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-09 Pub. Date: 2007-07-09
Image Number: 17864
Caption: Hello, you've reached CNN. Finally! Lemont Brown, Candorville Courier. I want to ask why Larry King canceled Michael Moore's discussion of our healthcare system in order to talk to Paris Hilton. I've been on hold for a whole week, by the way. Oh my, let me find out why that happened. Hold, please. @#$%!
     
244. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-20 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-20 Pub. Date: 2007-06-20
Image Number: 17670
Caption: Would you ever kill yourself, Susan? If you were drowning in despair, sick of the whole stupid world… …or if you were in agonizing, excruciating pain? All right, I'll stop talking about Paris Hilton.
     
245. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-19 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-19 Pub. Date: 2007-06-19
Image Number: 17669
Caption: I have to give my editor a column by 5, but all morning I couldn't think of anything to write. Then it hit me: Dr. Kevorkian just got out of jail. (He's the dude who used to help suffering people kill themselves.) You take writer's block way too hard. What? What?
     
246. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-07 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-07 Pub. Date: 2007-06-07
Image Number: 17456
Caption: In the year 75066… Why'd the Democratus Congressorus go extinct, L-Munt? Tough to say, Cleeb. Most records from that time period were lost during The Great Burn. Extinct Species. Neanderthal. Democratus. Positivus Rapperus. Archaeologists pieced together what little we know from something called "Fox News Tapes." Talking Headus Fox "News". Apparently, the primitive species' supreme leader was a loud biped called "Hannity."
     
247. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-06-04 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-06-04 Pub. Date: 2007-06-04
Image Number: 17453
Caption: BRITNEY SPEARS! ALEC BALDWIN! DAVID HASSELHOFF! SIMON COWELL! ANNA NICOLE! President Bush gives himself vast powers in the event he declares a "National Emergency." BRITNEY SPEARS! ALEC BALDWIN! DAVID HASSELHOFF! SIMON COWELL! ANNA NICOLE! Wait. Back up a little? Sorry, time for my nap.
     
248. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-05-30 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-30 Pub. Date: 2007-05-30
Image Number: 17383
Caption: In other news, after having outsourced some commander-in-chief duties to a so-called "war czar"… …the president has decided to outsource other typical presidential roles. Oprah Winfrey has just been appointed "photo op czar." When asked for comment, Winfrey directed us to the new "Avoiding-the-question czar," who hasn't returned our calls.
     
249. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-07-02 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-22 Pub. Date: 2006-07-02
Image Number: 14162
Caption: On today's Sunday morning political show, our guest in Condoleeza Rice. Thanks, Bob. Listen, Iran is a grave and gathering threat. We must confront it now, while we still can. Ms. Rice, that's almost exactly what you said in 2002 about Iraq. Some critics argue that you're using the same old script to scare Americans into another, jingoistic frenzy right before the elections. All you did was pick a different country to fear. Of course not, Bob! That's an irresponsible and inappropriate allegation. How dare you impugn my integrity, sir Sorry. As I was saying, [insert name] is a grave and gathering threat to our security. Did you just "bracket insert name close-bracket"? No! And it's irresponsible and inappropriate of you to ....
     
250. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-07-04 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-22 Pub. Date: 2006-07-04
Image Number: 14164
Caption: Lemont, I'm you at age 80. I've come back through time in our dreams to warn you not to watch the news tomorrow. Why not? Um … I don't remember. Oh. Listen, I've been meaning to ask you, does our son grow up happy? Son? What son? Not to self: Eat more fruits and vegetables. Who are you?
     
251. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-06-26 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-18 Pub. Date: 2006-06-26
Image Number: 14156
Caption: You can't support a family on a minimum wage jog these days, Susan. Pigville Pork Burgers just doesn't pay enough. You'll be happy to know I got a better job. At last! You're using you college education. Where are you working, the Candorville Chronicle? The Daily News? Burger Queen. They pay $1 more an hour.
     
252. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-05-15 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-15 Pub. Date: 2007-05-15
Image Number: 17241
Caption: 1996. The House approves a bill making the burning of churches a hate crime. Well, there've been lots of church burnings, so giving churches some extra protection makes sense. 2007. The House approves a bill making violence against gay people a hate crime. Yeah, there's been lots of violence against gays, but giving gays extra protection makes no sense!
     
253. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-04-30 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-04-30 Pub. Date: 2007-04-30
Image Number: 17064
Caption: 148 killed in Baghdad today. Zzzzz. 298 killed in Baghdad today. Zzzzz. 54 zillion killed in Baghdad today. Zzzzz. 32 killed in America today. Gasp!
     
254. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-04-21 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-04-21 Pub. Date: 2007-04-21
Image Number: 16894
Caption: 2002. The Executive Branch infringes on the jurisdiction of the Judicial Branch by holding military tribunals for Americans. Awful! Reasonable. 2006. The Executive Branch infringes on Congress jurisdiction with "signing statements." Awful! Reasonable. 2007. Congresswoman Pelosi has infringed on the Executive Branch's jurisdiction by talking peace in Syria. Reasonable. Awful!
     
255. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-04-20 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-04-20 Pub. Date: 2007-04-20
Image Number: 16893
Caption: In other news, Newt Gingrich was deported to Mexico today. He was trying to convince a group of Mexicans that he's not a bigot - that he really loves them. That he's one of them. Here to discuss this, Captain Al, from the INS. Honest mistake. He was speakin' Spanish and had on a sombrero and poncho. This just in: Mexico has deported Newt Gingrich.
     
256. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-31 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-31 Pub. Date: 2007-03-31
Image Number: 16524
Caption: Ever notice how CNN's Baghdad Reporter Michael Ware always has exactly three days' growth of beard on his face? Every day, same amount of stubble. What's that tell you, Susan? That you watch way too much news? It tells you the news is all fake!
     
257. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-02-26 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-11 Pub. Date: 2007-02-26
Image Number: 16385
Caption: 2006 Movie star Mel Gibson says horrible things about Jewish people. Stay tuned for several weeks of coverage about this outrage. 2006 TV star Michael Richards says horrible things about black people. Stay tuned for several weeks of coverage about this outrage. 2007 NBA star Tim Hardaway says horrible things about gay people. ...in other news... zzzzz
     
258. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-02-27 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-11 Pub. Date: 2007-02-27
Image Number: 16386
Caption: I'm tired of Libs saying Fox News is racist just 'cause their "Daily Show" rip-off made fun of Barack Obama. So what if the bit started by showing a bunch of Africans jumping around? That doesn't mean Fox was playing on racial fears. I mean, since when have white people feared mobs of unruly blacks?
     
259. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-01 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-11 Pub. Date: 2007-03-01
Image Number: 16388
Caption: Fox's show about Obama started with shots of jumping Africans and ended with "Don't tell mama, I'm for Obama." How can you say that's not racist? Thought you'd never ask. What's this? My uncle gave me this book. Changed my whole life. "The Delusional Black Man's Guide to Interpreting the Behavior of Others." Page 87: "That security guard's only following you to make sure nothing bad happens to you."
     
260. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-02 news 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-11 Pub. Date: 2007-03-02
Image Number: 16389
Caption: "The Delusional Black Man's Guide to Interpreting the Behavior of Others." I've had it since I was ten. It literally covers every contingency. Literally? Check out page 18,987. "Fox News' satire show -- Barack Obama Skit -- Time Index 01:37… "…titled 'Barack vs. Tiger Woods: Who's More Diverse?' -- is actually a celebration of diversity."
     
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