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Candorville

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21. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-06 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-06 Pub. Date: 2018-01-06
Image Number: 166784
Caption: 1982. Do you believe in life after death, Susan? Of course. Me too. It's the first law of thermal dynamics. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only transmogrify into something else … like a sea anemone. I've decided I'll be a sea anemone. Not a care in the world, it's be a welcome interlude between this life and my next one where I'm a Jedi. I don't know if you get to choose what happens to your energy, Lemont. No offense, but I think Obi-Wan and Yoda know more about that than you do.
     
22. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-29 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-29 Pub. Date: 2017-12-29
Image Number: 166537
Caption: You do it all the time, bruh. You convinced yourself you loved Justice League an' Batman v Superman. You convinced y'self you like Ghostbusters 2. You convinced y'self you liked From Justice to Kelly … From Justin to Kelly was criminally underrated. I ain't never seen no one so unwilling to admit he got bad taste. As musical romantic comedies starring American Idol competitors go, it was by far the best.
     
23. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-28 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-28 Pub. Date: 2017-12-28
Image Number: 166536
Caption: I saw that review of The Last Jedi you posted, Big L. You need to cut that out. You said it made you feel like a kid again. You said Luke Skywalker was amazing. You said it was the bet thing since Empire. Then I saw the movie. That spit was the worst thing since Phantom Menace. Your Jedi mind tricks ain't gonna change that. A positive review isn't a Jedi mind trick just 'cause you disagree with it. Your headline was this is the Star Wars you're looking for.
     
24. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-20 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-20 Pub. Date: 2017-12-20
Image Number: 166285
Caption: Lemont … I hope you don't feel weird about the fact that I just wrote a novel in six days. Of course not, Susan. Why would I fee weird about that, just 'cause I've been writing all my life, and it always takes me months or years. And you're not bothered that all the biggest publishers are bidding in the six figures for it? 'Course not ... And you don't feel weird at all that it's already going to be turned into a movie? Censored censored I mean ... I am so censored censored happy for you.
     
25. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-16 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-16 Pub. Date: 2017-12-16
Image Number: 166006
Caption: Wow. The Last Jedi was such a good movie. I never saw an audience give a film a standing ovation before. Well, wait until Youtubers get ahold of it. Youtube's full of random people who think they're experts on film. They love to tear movies apart. They always say the same things, too: "It had pacing problems." Or "That moment wasn't earned." Or "That scene wasn't necessary." I'm thinking of starting Youtube channel where I give my critiques of people's critiques. Dios mio.
     
26. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-15 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-15 Pub. Date: 2017-12-15
Image Number: 166005
Caption: Ok, I'll go with you to see "Star Wars." But I'm not dressing up as Princess Leia this time. Too painful. I don't want to go to the ladies room, catch a glimpse of my Leia hairbuns, and start crying. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not dressing as Han Solo this time, either. Harrison Ford is still alive. Han Solo wasn't a real person, Lemont. It's not the same. Yeah, but Carrie Fisher's the one I'll see onscreen. In a way, she's still alive too.
     
27. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-04 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-04 Pub. Date: 2017-11-04
Image Number: 164420
Caption: You know how China built all those huge mega-cities, expecting people to flock to them, but they're still mostly empty? It's kind of ruined one of my all-time favorite movies: "Field of Dreams." Apparently if you build it, they don't come. I posted an article about that on my site, but nobody's read it ... That's more proof. Dios mio.
     
28. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-29 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-29 Pub. Date: 2017-08-29
Image Number: 162088
Caption: I read that article you wrote about how DC bringing Joss Whedon to "lighten up" the Justice League movie is endemic of America's refusal to confront harsh realities. How could you, Lemont? What, you don’t agree? Remember how upset America got when Batman V. Superman didn't have enough jokes amidst all the carnage? No, I mean how could you write anything about the philandering cad after his wife published an article about how he cheated on her for 15 years! Don't say anything if you know what's good for you. I think this is a debate I can win.
     
29. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-28 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-28 Pub. Date: 2017-08-28
Image Number: 162087
Caption: You know how Marvel had heroes star in separate movies, and then they all united in "The Avengers"? And then on Netflix Marvel had separate series, and then they all united in "The Defenders"? Why don't newspaper comic strips do that? You've got a couple hundred separate characters who've been building an audience for decades. What if the protagonists from "The Oldersons," "23 Skiddoo" and "Should've Ended in 1950" got together? It'd be epic. They could call it "The Dependers." Careful, you ain't all that young neither, bruh.
     
30. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-22 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-22 Pub. Date: 2017-08-22
Image Number: 161801
Caption: I posted an article on Candorville.com about how the terms "cuck," "beta," SJW" and "virtue-signalling" were essential to the resurgence of white supremacists. It's an old Nazi tactic from the 1930s. When you beliefs are morally indefensible, just label those who oppose you with belittling code words ... code words that make opposing you seen uncool. They also popularized "libtard", "snowflake," "white genocide," "neoreactionary multiculturalist" ... "Neoreactionary multiculturalist"? They considered shortening it to "Nemo," but then they heard Disney was litigious.
     
31. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-26 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-26 Pub. Date: 2017-07-26
Image Number: 160759
Caption: Wait … did you say someone is bullying my song? Yeh, but I took care of that while you was gone. I taught little bruh to man up an' overcome it exactly the way you did back when we was kids an' a bully was clownin' you. You taught him to stand toe-to-toe with the bully, look him in the eye, and deliver a stirring speech that won his respect? What? That ain't even close to what happened. Well that's how I remember it. You also 'member Sinbad playing a genie ins some '90s movie, but that ain't never happened neither. Yes it did!!!
     
32. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-23 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-23 Pub. Date: 2017-05-23
Image Number: 158341
Caption: Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.
     
33. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-20 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-20 Pub. Date: 2017-05-20
Image Number: 158081
Caption: Ain't nobody know what they be doin', Big L. What do you mean? Media be talkin' 'bout Russia Russia Russia all day long. But they ain't marketing it right. How come Netflix don't have "Red Dawn" an' "Twins" an' all them other Cold War movies up on they front page right now? None of this is entertainment!!! Whachoo mean? Danny DeVito an' Arnold Schwarzenegger bein' twins is pure entertainment.
     
34. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-14 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-14 Pub. Date: 2017-05-14
Image Number: 157342
Caption: They got to him. I don't know how, but they got to him. Dr. Noodle. I should've seen it coming, though. After all, a guy who gets all butt-hurt about questions is the White House Spokesman in charge of answering questions. A guy who opposes paid leave and equal pay is in charge of the White House's responses to women's issues. A guy who doesn't believe in climate change is in charge of the EPA. A reputed bigot is in charge of enforcing civil rights. Trump even tried to put a guy whose company violated wage, hour and child labor laws in charge of the Department of Labor. I still don't think we know what Luke Skywalker meant by "it's time for the Jedi to end." I don't like Star Wars now that I know it's set in the Trump White House.
     
35. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-30 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-30 Pub. Date: 2017-04-30
Image Number: 156792
Caption: What brings you to therapy … "Steve"? I feel like everything is slipping out of my clutches. Dr. Noodle. I spent years cozying up to the boss, isolating him from the advice of others, stoking his paranoia. I subtly convinced him that everyone was against him and that he could trust no one but me and his family, and even they were a little fishy. I had him in the palm of my hand. I said "buy," he bought. I said "sell," he sold. I said "destroy," and he ruined the lives of the people I said were his enemies. I was the most powerful man in the world! I was the man behind the throne! Did I say I charge $100 an hour? I meant to say $1,000. But then I made the mistake of turning off his tv in the middle of Finding Dory. It's his favorite movie.
     
36. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-09 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-09 Pub. Date: 2017-04-09
Image Number: 155971
Caption: Donald Trump is cutting all funding for NPR, the National Endowment for the Arts, PBS, the Institute of Museum and Library Services, and more. What? They goin' after Big Bird? What Big Bird do to him? I didn't know Trump was mad at 'im. I ain't seen no tweet about it or nothin'. Big Bird'll be fine. HBO owns Big Bird now. Say what? I don't know if I could watch Big Bird on HBO. Last thing I need to see is Big Bird naked, or Big Bird choppin' off people arms an' whatnot. That's not the point. The point is, he's stripping funding from the Smithsonian and other icons of our culture, but buying more bombs we don't need. I don't need to see Big Bird slingin' smack for the mafia. It's not always about Big Bird.
     
37. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-28 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-28 Pub. Date: 2017-03-28
Image Number: 156198
Caption: I've been wanting to see "get out" for weeks, Susan. I remember before I had a kid, I was at the movies every week. Now I don't have the time of the energy. I can't remember the last movie I saw that didn't involve a talking fish or a puppet. Reason #28,754 why I'll never have kids. On the other hand, movies won't change your diapers when you're old.
     
38. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-07 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-07 Pub. Date: 2017-03-07
Image Number: 155380
Caption: Did you see Trump's address to Congress last week? Nah, bruh. Did you catch the "Gilligan's Island" marathon on channel 32 last night? . I don't watch broadcast tv. I only watch Netflix and Hulu. You wanna catch a movie? Watched them all off bittorrent for free already, bruh. You get Kanye new album? I only download songs I like and make my own playlists. Read any good books? C-Dog only read tweets.
     
39. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-28 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-28 Pub. Date: 2017-02-28
Image Number: 155067
Caption: "James Bond" can't be black. Why not? Black, white, so what? Was he ever black in the books? I don't think they ever even mentioned his ethnicity. All he has to be is smooth, charming, debonair and cunning. What's important is that he's English. And there of plenty of black men in England. There'd be a lot of bigots furious about this. Bonus. It would give me a reason to avoid the internet and have a life again. Dios mio.
     
40. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-27 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-27 Pub. Date: 2017-02-27
Image Number: 155066
Caption: Seriously? They never gonna cast a brotha as the next James Bond. I don't see why not. All the actors have been different. Blond, brunette, blue-eyed, brown-eyed, Scottish, Irish, English, Australian … White, white, white, white, white, white, white, white be all I heard.
     
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