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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-03 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-03 Pub. Date: 2018-12-03
Image Number: 175262
Caption: I saw Clerks the other day. I don't get why you said it's the best movie ever. What? I said that way back in 1994, Susan. You're thinking in three dimensions. But we live in a four-dimensional world. Everything has four coordinates, one of which is time. It may be dates now, but in 1994 when it came out, Clerks was the best movie ever. I highly doubt that. 2018 Susan cannot argue with 1994 Lemont. It's scientifically impossible.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-24 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-24 Pub. Date: 2018-09-24
Image Number: 174191
Caption: I wrote a very realistic screenplay that subverts all the usual Hollywood cliches. We don't see the protagonist in a moody bar when he feels down; we spend an hour watching him fall asleep all alone in front of his TV … and when he tries to stop a wedding, it takes him half an hour to find a good parking spot, and he misses the whole thing. We watch him circle the block for half an hour. Cliches are cliches for a reason.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-14 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-14 Pub. Date: 2018-05-14
Image Number: 171501
Caption: Wanna play 21? Yeh, bruh. Why don't you get started? I'ma go watch a movie. You text me when you get up to 20 points, then I'll come in. No, thanks. I don’t need your ridiculous head start. I'm offended you even offered. I'll text you when I get to 19. Maybe I'll watch a double feature.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-16 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-16 Pub. Date: 2018-02-16
Image Number: 168417
Caption: I can't get over Black Panther, Clyde. Me neither, bruh. I ain't never had to sit next to no dude wearin' nothin' but black body-paint before. I tried spandex, but it still looked too puffy. Bruh … It's not my fault Disney made Black Panther's costume so skintight. Can ... can we not talk 'bout it no more?
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-15 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-15 Pub. Date: 2018-02-15
Image Number: 168416
Caption: You ready to see Black Panther tonight, Big L? Almost. I got the tickets, I got a baby sitter for Lionel … but I still need to sew my costume. You have any idea how hard it is to find black spandex? What? You're not afraid to be seen with a man wearing spandex tights, are you? Bruh, after what you wore to The Little Mermaid, ain't nothin' faze me.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-14 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-14 Pub. Date: 2018-02-14
Image Number: 168415
Caption: Daddy? Can I thee Bwack Panthew? No, son, you can't see Black Panther. There'll be lots of people doing not-nice things in that movie. I don't want you seeing all that fighting. But ith onwy make-beweave fighting, not weaw fighting. Do you need me to ecthpwain the diffwenth? No, son, I don't need you to explain the difference. Are you thure? You theem to.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-13 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-13 Pub. Date: 2018-02-13
Image Number: 168414
Caption: 1982. Did you get Superman for your birthday. Sort of. I should've been more specific. Momma gave me a video called Abar: The First Black Superman. Instead of fighting Lex Luthor, Abar the first black Superman fights housing discrimination. You should ask your momma to exchange it. I did. She said When it comes to black superheroes, it's slim pickings, whatever that means.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-12 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-12 Pub. Date: 2018-02-12
Image Number: 168413
Caption: I can't wait to see "Black Panther"! All the critics love it! They say it's the best Marvel movie yet! They say it's the best thing in the whole entire history of things. I sure am glad they're not over-hyping this movie. I sure am glad they're not building expectations up so high that we're bound to be disappointed. You sure have been happier ever since you started this whole #sarcasm-Monday thing. Every revolutionary gets undone by his own movement.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-08 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-08 Pub. Date: 2018-02-08
Image Number: 168183
Caption: What do you mean, do I believe aliens abduct people? You talkin' Donald Trump aliens, or is you talkin' Men in Black aliens? More like Fire in the Sky aliens, as seen in the 1993 film that's based on an actual account. I just think if that eyeball scene is real, it would explain why the whole country's so cranky. You spendin' way too much time on Youtube.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-02 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-02 Pub. Date: 2018-02-02
Image Number: 167921
Caption: 1980. I don't think I like that Luke Skywalker can fly. What do you mean? Jedi can't fly. That's silly. Then how come he flew up out of that carbonite pit when Vader tried to freezify him? And how come he changed direction while he was falling on Cloud City and flew right into that trash chute? None of that happened. Yes it did! (Sigh) You didn't even notice it 'cause movies always show men doing amazing things. I bet if Princess Leia were to ever fly, men everywhere would get their Underoos all in a bunch over it. You don't give us men enough credit.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-01 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-01 Pub. Date: 2018-02-01
Image Number: 167920
Caption: Spoiler warning for The Last Jedi is all you had to say, bruh. It's been months. If people haven't seen it yet, that's their own problem. Still, don't nobody wanna know that Princess Leia flies like Mary Poppins. Why's it have to be Mary Poppins? That's sexist. Fine. Peter Pan. You happy?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-13 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-13 Pub. Date: 2018-01-13
Image Number: 167094
Caption: I had a dream. I dreamt that in 2020, "The Rock" runs for president as an independent. The Republicans nominate Trump again. Democrats are so overconfident that they nominate the corpse of Woodrow Wilson. And while we're all distracted, Congress quietly eliminates elections altogether and they appoint an immortal A.I. as the chairman and CEO of the American Corporate Empire, LLC. I think I like Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech better. I'd tell you the rest, but you might as well just watch "The Matrix."
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-11 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-11 Pub. Date: 2018-01-11
Image Number: 167092
Caption: I'm a big fan of minimalism. Less is more. For instance, last night … I was watching "Grace's Review" on YouTube. She went off on the movie "The Post," implying it didn't tell the whole story about the "Pentagon Papers" incident. I replied "you are part of the problem. Don't just imply there was another side to the story, say what that other side was! Otherwise you're basically just shouting "fake news!" Like any other partisan hack!" Then I deleted that and just wrote "you." ... I think I still got my point across.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-06 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-06 Pub. Date: 2018-01-06
Image Number: 166784
Caption: 1982. Do you believe in life after death, Susan? Of course. Me too. It's the first law of thermal dynamics. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only transmogrify into something else … like a sea anemone. I've decided I'll be a sea anemone. Not a care in the world, it's be a welcome interlude between this life and my next one where I'm a Jedi. I don't know if you get to choose what happens to your energy, Lemont. No offense, but I think Obi-Wan and Yoda know more about that than you do.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-29 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-29 Pub. Date: 2017-12-29
Image Number: 166537
Caption: You do it all the time, bruh. You convinced yourself you loved Justice League an' Batman v Superman. You convinced y'self you like Ghostbusters 2. You convinced y'self you liked From Justice to Kelly … From Justin to Kelly was criminally underrated. I ain't never seen no one so unwilling to admit he got bad taste. As musical romantic comedies starring American Idol competitors go, it was by far the best.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-28 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-28 Pub. Date: 2017-12-28
Image Number: 166536
Caption: I saw that review of The Last Jedi you posted, Big L. You need to cut that out. You said it made you feel like a kid again. You said Luke Skywalker was amazing. You said it was the bet thing since Empire. Then I saw the movie. That spit was the worst thing since Phantom Menace. Your Jedi mind tricks ain't gonna change that. A positive review isn't a Jedi mind trick just 'cause you disagree with it. Your headline was this is the Star Wars you're looking for.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-20 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-20 Pub. Date: 2017-12-20
Image Number: 166285
Caption: Lemont … I hope you don't feel weird about the fact that I just wrote a novel in six days. Of course not, Susan. Why would I fee weird about that, just 'cause I've been writing all my life, and it always takes me months or years. And you're not bothered that all the biggest publishers are bidding in the six figures for it? 'Course not ... And you don't feel weird at all that it's already going to be turned into a movie? Censored censored I mean ... I am so censored censored happy for you.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-16 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-16 Pub. Date: 2017-12-16
Image Number: 166006
Caption: Wow. The Last Jedi was such a good movie. I never saw an audience give a film a standing ovation before. Well, wait until Youtubers get ahold of it. Youtube's full of random people who think they're experts on film. They love to tear movies apart. They always say the same things, too: "It had pacing problems." Or "That moment wasn't earned." Or "That scene wasn't necessary." I'm thinking of starting Youtube channel where I give my critiques of people's critiques. Dios mio.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-15 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-15 Pub. Date: 2017-12-15
Image Number: 166005
Caption: Ok, I'll go with you to see "Star Wars." But I'm not dressing up as Princess Leia this time. Too painful. I don't want to go to the ladies room, catch a glimpse of my Leia hairbuns, and start crying. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not dressing as Han Solo this time, either. Harrison Ford is still alive. Han Solo wasn't a real person, Lemont. It's not the same. Yeah, but Carrie Fisher's the one I'll see onscreen. In a way, she's still alive too.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-04 movie 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-04 Pub. Date: 2017-11-04
Image Number: 164420
Caption: You know how China built all those huge mega-cities, expecting people to flock to them, but they're still mostly empty? It's kind of ruined one of my all-time favorite movies: "Field of Dreams." Apparently if you build it, they don't come. I posted an article about that on my site, but nobody's read it ... That's more proof. Dios mio.
     
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