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281. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-06 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-06 Pub. Date: 2009-09-06
Image Number: 38003
Caption: VH1 presents Where are They Now? The Some People Story. It was the mid-2000's. Politicians across the country relied on him. There wasn't a press conference around that didn't broadcast his beaming smile. I sound wise compared to him. And for one brief fearmongering season, the strawman called "some people" was at the top of his game. I've forgotten 9-11. I want to hug terrorists. But as often happens in the cutthroat false argument business, his star began to dim. I want to take your guns. Yawn. And it sent him on a downward spiral. He came into the bar already drunk, talkin' 'bout nobody's scared of him no more and no one takes 'im seriously. Bartender. ... an' I was like "bruh, you're bringin' down the whole room." Very bad tipper, too. But then, in his darkest hour, some people makes a surprising comeback. AFTER THESE MESSAGES...
     
282. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-15 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-15 Pub. Date: 2009-07-15
Image Number: 36191
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Trying 2 interview Basij, Iran's secret police. But Basij only paying attention 2 people in green. Will put on green hat 2 get their attention. Don't do that! They don't see me. Raising hand, like at press conferences. No! Stop it with the hand! Basij running over for interview. Will start w/ softball question 2 form bond. Dios mio!!
     
283. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-14 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-14 Pub. Date: 2009-07-14
Image Number: 36190
Caption: So, Mr. Mousavi. Leader of Iran's "Green Revolution." The entire free world has invested its hopes for a better Middle East in you. … Why? Because I share the same yearning for individual liberty as you, I suppose. In the words of your own Founding Fathers ... Give me something approximating slightly greater liberty, or give me death!!! Inspiring. We'll be seeking permits for any future protests.
     
284. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-13 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-13 Pub. Date: 2009-07-13
Image Number: 36189
Caption: Iran. Two weeks ago. What're you doing here? Covering the big story. Don't interrupt. Boom! Bam! Aaah. Sorry. He's rude. Continue. My sisters are still fighting in the streets for our voice to be heard. And the tyrants are still killing us. Bam! But the world has a short attention span. I am afraid the world will soon move on and forget all about us. Pow! Death to tyrants! God is great! Ouch! Again, you're avoiding my question: How did Michael Jackson's death affect you? Aaaah! Nooo! Oh dear, God!
     
285. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-11 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-11 Pub. Date: 2009-07-11
Image Number: 35973
Caption: Lemont calls the paper. What do you mean James Olsen's not in? I need to know if he got those Iran protest stories I filed. … What do you mean "elbow strain"? … Yes, I know Michael Jackson died. What's that have to -- Every editorial cartoonist in the country sent drawings of Michael Jackson moonwalking through the pearly gates. Mr. Olsen started shouting "Lazy! Cloying! Aaarggh!" Wha -- you're breakin' up. It sounded like you said "He personally beat them all down with a sock full of quarters."
     
286. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-12 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-12 Pub. Date: 2009-06-12
Image Number: 35003
Caption: I don't trust that Latina Judge Obama appointed to the Supreme Court. She was a member of La Raza! Republicans are right, La Raza is "a Latino KKK without the hoods or the nooses." ...Or the violence or the preaching of racial superiority. Other than tha-- oh, and without the long history of terrorism. Other than that, it's exactly the same.
     
287. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-11 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-11 Pub. Date: 2009-06-11
Image Number: 35002
Caption: Mainstream Media. Obama's Latina Supreme Court nominee said she thinks a Latina woman could make wiser rulings than a White man. …About race and sex discrimination cases. Wait… What was that? SOME very few PEOPLE ARE CALLING HER A BIGOT!
     
288. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-28 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-28 Pub. Date: 2009-05-28
Image Number: 34377
Caption: Dear Annie, my father-in-law said I'm not man enough for his little girl. So I showed him one of my epithelial cells under extreme magnification and pointed out the Y chromosome. So what I want to know is, is there a non-surgical way to remove an atomic wedgie? I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!
     
289. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-26 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-26 Pub. Date: 2009-05-26
Image Number: 34375
Caption: Good news and bad news, Brown. Bad first, sir. We've had to lay off Annie Wiseacre, the "Dear Annie" advice columnist. Aw, man! I've been reading her column since… Forever, it'll be a shame to see it disappear. Well, now for the good news.
     
290. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-25 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-25 Pub. Date: 2009-05-25
Image Number: 34374
Caption: Good news and bad news, Brown. Bad first, please. Trigon Corp. is threatening to close the paper in 30 days unless we force you employees to wear rags, eat gruel… and generate your own electricity by running on a huge wheel in the basement. D'OH! What's the good news? Oh, did you say BAD first?
     
291. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
292. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-01 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-01 Pub. Date: 2009-05-01
Image Number: 32000
Caption: The comic strip industry doesn't need a bailout, Senator. The problem is a lack of vision, not a lack of money. Newspaper comics are stale and boring. The real bold and innovative stuff's online. Skull. T. Brahe. Really? How do you differ from print comics? Well, we can censored censored censored censored censored and censored censored censored censored whenever we get the urge. If newspaper cartoons emulated us, readers would censored to them. What the-- all the said was "flock."
     
293. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-30 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-30 Pub. Date: 2009-04-30
Image Number: 31999
Caption: It's October 1985. I'm basking in the two-million-year-old light of Andromeda. I can see the Supernova that Ernst Hartwig discovered in 1885, a century ago. It's February, 1895. I'm watching Joseph Pulitzer add the very first comic strip to tempt young readers to buy his newspaper. It's April, 2009, I'm watching myself explain to a congressional committee why the newspaper industry is dying. It's March, 2009. I'm watching an editor who just dropped a full page of comics wonder why young people won't buy his paper.
     
294. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-22 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-22 Pub. Date: 2009-02-22
Image Number: 30259
Caption: My newspaper told me the car industry was dying. But I don't make cars, so I was fine. Then my paper told me the financial industry was dying. But I'm not a banker, so I was fine. Then my newspaper told me America's influence in the world was dying. But I don't care about the world, so I was fine. Then my newspaper told me my NEWSPAPER was dying. But there's still TV and the web, so... Fine. Everything's dying, Doc. What's it mean? ...Doc? DOC!!! Heh. Just kidding. Couldn't help it. Where were we?
     
295. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-18 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-18 Pub. Date: 2009-02-18
Image Number: 30202
Caption: Lemont Brown, of NBC News. Rise and ask thy question, child. Actually, I'm not with NBC. I work for a newspaper. You poor wretch. Here's 25 shekels, buy thyself a hot meal of grains and figs. That's not funny, Mr. Burning Bush. I've been waiting all morning to do that.
     
296. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-17 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-17 Pub. Date: 2009-02-17
Image Number: 30186
Caption: Some say the Obama administration is arrogant. What does the president say to that? The White House. He sayeth lo, the President will deliver unto them a new, post-partisan age. And they of the faithless who revel in partisan bickering will be smote but the voter, for a new day is upon us all. O...K...And lo, will the...what was the question again?
     
297. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-16 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-16 Pub. Date: 2009-02-16
Image Number: 30185
Caption: I'm telling you, your fiancée and her dad…They're vampires! Yeah, I get it, they're bossy. No! Look, when Obama limited CEO pay to $500k at bailed-out companies…Roxanne's dad got mad. Went around the office biting everyone's head off. Yeah, he can yell. "That reminds me of my first day as the paper's White House correspondent..." Press. It was a bloodbath! Y'mind? You're interrupting a perfectly good flashback.
     
298. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-15 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-15 Pub. Date: 2009-02-15
Image Number: 29991
Caption: Here we have the nation's newspapers. The Fourth Estate. Traditional guardians of our sacred liberties. Bidding starts at $10 billion. Ten. We have $10 billion. $10 billion going once… $10 billion going twice… No, no! Wait… I meat ten dollars. I take it this isn't the "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" auction. Down the hall, Boosler Ballroom. Sold! For ten dollars to the gentlemen from Mexico. Do you accept pesos?
     
299. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-16 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-16 Pub. Date: 2008-11-16
Image Number: 28016
Caption: VH1 presents: Where are they now? The Ozzy-the-Undecided-Voter Story. The time was October, 2008. Journalists across the country yearned for him. There wasn't a television show around that didn't broadcast his beaming smile. And for one brief electoral season, Ozzy-the-Undecided-Voter was at the top of his game. Mainstream media. Which one is Obama again? But as sometimes happens in the dog-eat-dog ignoramus industry, his star dimmed like a light bulb over a moron's head. Guess who I voted for? Yawn. And it sent him on a downward spiral. Anonymous Friend. After the election, he started hangin' around the wrong crowd. People who read an' pay attention. He started recognizin' the difference between such things as ketchup an' mustard. I was shocked, an' I was like "What the @#$% did you do with the real Ozzy? Next up, Ozzy hits rock bottom...
     
300. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-31 media 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-31 Pub. Date: 2008-10-31
Image Number: 27642
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal, Day 18: We found McCain's long-lost honor. After Karl Rove's lies destroyed John in 2000… …he told me: "My God…the genius of that. "The will to do that perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure." That's when he realized, they were stronger than he was. You couldn't stay to talk him out of becoming just like them? I had frequent flyer miles that were about to expire.
     
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