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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-07-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-07-01 |
| Image Number: |
172353 |
| Caption: |
I'm not happy. I think I married the wrong person. Dr. Noodle. But I can't leave. Leaving is too hard. I mean, we've got all the same friends. They'd hate me. And she's got complete control of the bank accounts. What would I do for money? But maybe I could just start all over. Who needs any of that stuff? There's a whole world out there. Maybe it's not too late to explore the world, wrestle and alligator, move to Jamaica, change my name, and meet the woman I was really meant to be with. Sometimes it actually is too late. Zzzzzzzz.
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-07-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-07-01 |
| Image Number: |
172751 |
| Caption: |
You're in big trouble, you old coot. Give me a break, I'm clean. But you won't be. Meaning what? You won't get away with it. You will pay dearly for your eventual infidelities! How dare you! How dare it! LOOK! Making it Larry King's seventh divorce and further accusations of cheating on the part of a man well into his sunset years. How could you? I will not distance myself from CNN. And to think I was so good to you, filthbag. Larry, you're killing it for the rest of us. |
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-04-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-04-02 |
| Image Number: |
155710 |
| Caption: |
You realize we've been fighting in Afghanistan for fifteen years now? The war's old enough to get a work permit. The war's old enough to get married in seven states, with parental consent. The Candorville Chronicle. Trump Hotel Mars not cause of NASA … The war's old enough to be held criminally liable for breaking the law. It's old enough to roll its eyes at its parents and think they don't know anything about anything. Dems consider, reject change. The Afghanistan war is old enough to have read Orwell's "1984," in which he wrote "The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous." Wait ... we're still in Afghanistan? The war is old enough to Google that quote and find out Orwell didn't really write that.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Brian Crane |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Pickles |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-10-06 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-10-06 |
| Image Number: |
133137 |
| Caption: |
What're you doing with that tray? Tossing it out. Really? We've had that tray our entire married life. How can you just toss it away? It used to be nice, but now it's just old and out of style. If that's all it takes to get tossed out of this place then I'm in trouble! |
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
John Deering |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Strange Brew |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-04-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-04-18 |
| Image Number: |
125657 |
| Caption: |
As they aged, their marriage was reduced to a series of grunts and growls. So you still haven't found your Blackberry? Editorials. Oped. Only you can prevent forest fires. I'd rather be hibernating. |
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Rudy Park |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-11-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-11-25 |
| Image Number: |
119413 |
| Caption: |
Did you know that Solange Knowles married a guy who's 22 years older than her? So what? That's not unusual. When I was a young lass, much older gentlemen courted me all the time. Albert was 40 years older than I was. Winston was 45 years my senior. W.E.B. was half a century older than I was. You should've seen the time they all ran into each other at my house. Albert scrawled E=MC2 on Winston's forehead with the last of W.E.B.'s mustache wax. |
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Mike Twohy |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
That's Life |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-01-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2003-02-03 |
| Image Number: |
3758 |
| Caption: |
Well, 18 years and three broken marriages later. |
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Greg Evans |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Luann |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-07-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-07-21 |
| Image Number: |
99065 |
| Caption: |
"Pasquale watched as Dee Moray moved toward his hotel - " What are you guys doing? Reading a book. We read aloud to each other so we can enjoy the book together. How long does THAT take? Oh, a couple of weeks. Here's a tip: Wait for the movie to come out and go SEE it together. Get it done! At our age, we don't WANT to "get it done." Spending two weeks on one thing is a perfect pace for me. Read on, my love. Slowly. |
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Brian Crane |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Pickles |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-04-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-04-27 |
| Image Number: |
79238 |
| Caption: |
My mother died at the age of 84, and 2 months later my dad died. I guess he couldn’t bear to go on without her. I hope if I go first you'll follow his example. Because you'd miss me so much? Of course, but I also don’t like the idea of you having fun without me. |
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Brian Crane |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Pickles |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-12-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-12-21 |
| Image Number: |
74049 |
| Caption: |
How many Christmases have we spent together, Opal? I don’t know. Quite a few, I suppose. Quite a few? More like oodles. Tons. A lot! I mean a WHOOOLE LOT! It sort of boggles the mind. Okay, okay, I got it. |
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Brian Crane |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Pickles |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-10-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-10-26 |
| Image Number: |
23346 |
| Caption: |
Argh! Frustration is trying to find your glasses without having your glasses! What? I said, frustration is trying to find your glasses without having your glasses!! Eh? Patience is not swatting your husband when he refuses to wear his hearing aid. (Published originally on 2008-05-14) |
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Brian Crane |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Pickles |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-10-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-10-18 |
| Image Number: |
23149 |
| Caption: |
Do my eyes look funny when I smile? Funny? Nelson said my eyes get wrinkly and squinty when I smile. What do you think? Augh! One of these days you're going to have a real heart attack and I won't believe you. (Published originally on 2008-05-06.) |
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Dave Coverly |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Speed Bump |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-08-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-08-26 |
| Image Number: |
64750 |
| Caption: |
On their 50th anniversary, Lee once again pops the question … Carol, will you, um, help me up? That pop was my back. |
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Dave Coverly |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Speed Bump |
| Viewable Date: |
2011-04-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2011-04-14 |
| Image Number: |
59713 |
| Caption: |
&*(%, you're right! We totally forgot to get married. |
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2010-11-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2010-11-25 |
| Image Number: |
54482 |
| Caption: |
Lemont, if neither of us is married by the time we're thirty, will you marry me? Sure. Really? Yeah. Girl-cooties have a half-life of about 30 years. Dios mio. Girls are safe to be around after about 30 years, just like uranium. |
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Greg Evans |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Luann |
| Viewable Date: |
2010-09-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2010-09-05 |
| Image Number: |
51170 |
| Caption: |
Hon, you still awake? I can't sleep. Why? What's wrong? I heard a dermatologist on the radio say that frown lines can be caused by habitual frowning while asleep. So I'm lying here worrying that as soon as I fall asleep, I'll start getting wrinkles. Well, if you can't sleep, problem solved! I'm getting anger lines now. Z. |
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Greg Evans |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Luann |
| Viewable Date: |
2010-07-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2010-07-23 |
| Image Number: |
49797 |
| Caption: |
Vintage Luann * 1995. Do these pants make me look too fat? 1. Ha! Are you kidding? 2. No - Not too fat … 3. Do you want an honest opinion? 4. Oh, maybe a teensy bit. 5. Well, yeah, a little … 6. At your age, what can you expect? Never mind!! What? I didn't even say anything! |
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Dave Coverly |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Speed Bump |
| Viewable Date: |
2009-10-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2009-10-29 |
| Image Number: |
40356 |
| Caption: |
We still sit in the old gum tree, and we still eat all the gumdrops we can see … But we never laugh anymore, Hal … Old kookaburra couple. |
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Greg Evans |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Luann |
| Viewable Date: |
2009-05-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2009-05-24 |
| Image Number: |
32296 |
| Caption: |
I remember when "bedtime" meant: 1. Brush teeth. 2. Remove clothes. 3. Jump into bed. Yeah. Took four minutes, tops. Now it's lotions, scrubs, serums, masks…Nose strip, teeth guard, eye drops, medicines…Takes forever. Guess that's why the romance has diminished - We're just oo tired. I'm sure that's it. |
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Brian Crane |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Pickles |
| Viewable Date: |
2008-12-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2008-12-09 |
| Image Number: |
28479 |
| Caption: |
Wow, just think, that piece of pencil lead has been stuck in your hand since you were a little boy. That's right. It was there when you got married. And when my mom was born, and when I was born…And when Lincoln was born… |
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