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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-10 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-10 Pub. Date: 2020-01-10
Image Number: 181116
Caption: We might not be able to travel to other stars ever, Susan. Because of what Anton Petrov calls the wall of fire. What's that? A year ago, Voyager II left our solar system, passing out of the heliosphere, which is a bubble made of plasma that encases the whole solar system. Voyager II discovered the plasma gets up around 89,000 degrees ... Yeah, but ... is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? Interstellar colonists will need a lot of sunscreen.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-09 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-09 Pub. Date: 2020-01-09
Image Number: 181115
Caption: Last year, cosmologists observed that everything in the universe is physically connected by a superstructure. They call it the cosmic web. It's made of filaments of gases and clustered galaxies. They reach across the endless voids, spanning the entire universe to bind everything there is, to everything there is. If you were anyone else, I'd think this was a pickup line. I bet the structure pulsates, like the beating of our hearts.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-03 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-03 Pub. Date: 2020-01-03
Image Number: 181019
Caption: What's your problem, Big L? I forgot to make a new year's resolution, man. I've made a resolution every year of my life. And my whole life, all my new year's resolutions have always come true. Do you have any idea what this mean? That nothing at all gonna happen to you this year? Exactly. And you know what that means? It mean that superstition be a dangerous thing? I'm too young ish to die!
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-11 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-11 Pub. Date: 2019-11-11
Image Number: 180298
Caption: 1982. You want to be what, Lemont? A Jedi. I'm already practicing. But that's just a movie, Lemont. It's not really real. I think all stories are real. I think writers only think they made them up. I think what's really going on is, the universe is alive. And writers are the universe's way of remembering incidents that really happened. Is this about how Mrs. Drake gave your book report an F? My remembering of the incident is every bit as valid as the author's.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-30 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-30 Pub. Date: 2019-10-30
Image Number: 180104
Caption: You really need to stop conducting experiments on your readers. What? All I did was run a page of news about Democrats. And then the next day, I ran the same news only I switched the Democratic names out for Republican ones. And then almost every commenter who bashed the politicians the first day made excuses for them the second day. And vice versa. Your readers are not lab rats, Lemont. Of course they're not. the rats responses the same way both days.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-21 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-21 Pub. Date: 2019-10-21
Image Number: 180007
Caption: Hi Sunshine, I just wanted to let you know I'm all checked in at my hotel I'm excited to be in the same city as you. You are? Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Of course. I just strolled along the waterfront that you once told me about, and ate at the hot dog stand you once described. It made me feel close to you. Like you were walking beside me. That's so sweet, Sasha. it's the same thing my girlfriend told me last time she came to town. That's because you're irresistible, Sunshine. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. And? And? And? Tap tap tap tap tap t-
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-18 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-18 Pub. Date: 2019-09-18
Image Number: 179500
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, I'm not happy about the change you made to my Slim-Swift ad. It's deceptive. Nonsense. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002. Slim-Swift has not been proven to cause any weight loss at all. And? You write Lose ten pounds in five seconds. Cash is surprisingly heavy, Garcia.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-17 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-17 Pub. Date: 2019-09-17
Image Number: 179499
Caption: Sir, I demand you let me fire Dick Fink. He's condescending, slovenly, forgetful, always late, and I'm fairly sure he's made two attempts on my life. You have to learn to tolerate people who are different from you, Garcia. He's blackmailing you, isn't he. I've never even heard of Vegas and I deny everything.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-11 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-11 Pub. Date: 2019-08-11
Image Number: 178906
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. How so I know you're you? Today's special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. Pardon? The real Uncle Mort always orders espresso. But a month ago, just for laughs, I took a picture of him with Faceapp, that app that show what you'll look like decades older. Then we discovered the app's fine print says you're granting the Russians who made it permission to use your photos for any reason. How do I know you're not a Russian spy surgically altered to look like Uncle Mort? (Words indicating Russian language). I mean, Don't be paranoid. Yeah ... Yeah I guess you're right.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-21 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-21 Pub. Date: 2019-06-21
Image Number: 178164
Caption: We cut our ad budget for YouTube because of all the hate for hate of hate content. You … what? Well, first they demonetized a few bigots and white supremacists so our ads wouldn't run on their filth. We thought that was fine. But then they also demonetizes people who made videos opposing those bigots. As if both sides were equally bad. I'm so tired of both-side-ism ... on both sides. Stop that.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-18 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-18 Pub. Date: 2019-06-18
Image Number: 178161
Caption: Someone posted a video of themselves all dressed in camo … wearing night vision goggles and hunting hogs, dogs and other wild animals. It made me wonder: Do you think hippos and tapeworms brag to each other every time they take one of us out? I wonder what they'd upload to youtube ... if they had fingers and thumbs.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-13 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-13 Pub. Date: 2019-06-13
Image Number: 178023
Caption: I've narrowed down the list of who I want to write the foreword to my next book, Clyde. The ones that made the cut are Slimeball, Slippery James, Puppet Jones, Lamb the Sham, McMuffin, Fat Jerry, Crazy Nancy, Wacky Jacky, Pencil Neck, Mr. Magoo, Dumb as a Rock, and Mr. Peepers. I would've chosen The Dumbest Man on Television, but he was kind of standoffish when we met. Psycho Joe was surprisingly friendly. In other words, you still upset the President ain't nicknamed you.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-12 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-12 Pub. Date: 2019-06-12
Image Number: 178022
Caption: What do you mean? I mean, you need an assistant, bruh. For what? I write all my site's articles, I take all the photos, I film all the videos, I sell all the ads … and everything's just how I like it. Then I get someone to do all the unimportant @#$%, like gettin' you lunch. Last time I did that, my lunches kept coming half-eaten. No, I told you, that's how they made it.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-04 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-04 Pub. Date: 2019-06-04
Image Number: 177953
Caption: I can't wait to watch Star Trek: Picard. The teaser trailer made it pretty clear the show heavily involves the destruction of Romulus from J.J. Abrams 2009 film. That's going to tick off all the Abrams-haters who've been whining ever since 2009. I. Cannot. Wait. I thought Star Trek was all about a future where people aren't petty anymore. I'm all for eradicating pettiness after I get this last dig in.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-12 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-12 Pub. Date: 2019-05-12
Image Number: 177592
Caption: So I told her my theory that every day is technically a Sun-day since it's only a day because there's a sun … but she still made me go to school. My mama doesn't understand philosophy either.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-04 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-04 Pub. Date: 2019-05-04
Image Number: 177388
Caption: Where you been last couple days, Big L? The Star Trek Discovery season finale was incredible. It made me really want a Captain Pike spin-off. So naturally, I've been in every discussion forum and all over social media trying to motivate everyone on earth to sign the CBS, give us a pre-TOS Star Trek series w/ Captain Pike. Struggle is pointless. petition on Change.org. Naturally don't meant what you think it mean. How do you say please in Hindi?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-11 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-11 Pub. Date: 2019-03-11
Image Number: 176724
Caption: I agree with Steven Spielberg: If it's made for Netflix, it's not a movie. A movie is something made for a big giant screen in a big giant dark room where you watch it with big giant crowds munching on big giant tubs of popcorn. A movie is something you can loudly talk over to register your opinion with the masses. you almost had me. it's a communal experience.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-05 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-05 Pub. Date: 2019-03-05
Image Number: 176625
Caption: 1982. What do you want to be when you grow up, Lemont. I want to be a journalist. I'll be like Woodward and Bernstein. I'll report on man's inhumanity toward a man and bring down presidents and have a movie made about me. I'm just not sure who would play me. I've narrowed it down to Sidney Poitier and Richard Pryor. I haven't completely ruled out Mr. T. How about Gary Coleman.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-10 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-10 Pub. Date: 2019-02-10
Image Number: 175946
Caption: Dear Journalist, I read your article about how a bunch of studies show it's certain man is causing climate change, and that that's horrible. And just the next day, I read your article about all the ways we can terraform Mars. YOU'RE SUCH A HYPOCRITE. If man-made climate change it ok on Mars, why isn't it ok here on Earth? Huh? don't even bother replying, I will not read it. Dear Reader, I know you're reading this. Wrong. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-02 made 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-02 Pub. Date: 2019-02-02
Image Number: 176036
Caption: Akron, OH, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I never signed up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When Great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth hear attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.
     
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