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Candorville

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121. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-07 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-07 Pub. Date: 2013-09-07
Image Number: 101092
Caption: Obama's a war criminal. All the bombings and the drones and such … It didn’t bother you when Bush's wars killed a lot more people. Obama's a tyrant. All the spying and the prosecuting leakers and such … All Bush's snooping didn’t bother you one bit. Obama's lazy. He's always on vacation and golfing and such ... Bush took far more vacations. Didn't bother you at all, I recall. I suppose you're implying I only care now because Obama's black. That makes you a racist. Oh man, not the "race card" card.
     
122. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-10 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-10 Pub. Date: 2013-08-10
Image Number: 100036
Caption: Hello creditor, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because you're trying to collect payment from me. If I pay you today, you wont be able to charge me a late fee, which is how you make a lot of your money. Say "Thank You" at the sound of the beep. BEEP.
     
123. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-11 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-11 Pub. Date: 2013-06-11
Image Number: 97910
Caption: I know what you're thinking, Lemont. Zzz … You write a wildly popular blog. You get to work from home, and as a single dad, that's important. On the other hand … The paper wants you back, to report on that overblown government-spying-on-journalists'-email-gate. And they're offering you a lot of money. Click. Huh? Whozit? Why are you here? That's classified. Anyway, I just don't want to see you sacrifice this special time with your boy. Especially since your own dad abandoned you.
     
124. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-18 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-18 Pub. Date: 2012-11-18
Image Number: 89612
Caption: I've figured out why a lot of America's greatest cities are in decline. Why? Because I had some time on my hands while I was doing laundry … But that's not important right now. I'm gonna smash your "Airplane" dvd. Most people think it's only about the shrinking manufacturing and tax base ... but what they don't realize is, cities are living organisms. People are blood cells, streets are arteries, downtowns are the heart. The newspaper is the brain. Let's talk about "Airplane" again. You can't survive without a healthy brain, unless you're in congress.
     
125. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-11-15 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-11-15 Pub. Date: 2012-11-15
Image Number: 89720
Caption: It's been a whole year since you and Roxanne split up. Maybe it's time to see someone new. I am. Dr. Noodle. That's great! What's she like? She's not a spoiled, self-centered harpy who wants to change me. PhD. She doesn’t belittle my manhood and suck the life out of me like an evil vampire. PhD. It's only been a year. Maybe it's not time to see someone new. There's a lot not to hate about her. Scribble Scrib -
     
126. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-30 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-30 Pub. Date: 2012-10-30
Image Number: 89248
Caption: A lot's changed in just four years. Back then, I couldn’t stand the thought of those people being allowed to marry. Now it's no big deal. Watching the President come to terms with gay marriage helped you do the same? The Kardashians are gay?
     
127. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-18 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-18 Pub. Date: 2012-10-18
Image Number: 88634
Caption: This bus is never coming. You need to walk anyway. What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. Hypothetically speaking, though … Thug 4 Life. If a single brutha be looking for a woman, he might not wanna jiggle a whole lot. You trying to tell me something? Depends. You tryna hear me something? That doesn't actually make sense. Thug 4 Life.
     
128. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-16 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-16 Pub. Date: 2012-10-16
Image Number: 88632
Caption: Obama'd better not choke in tonight's debate. Thug 4 Life. When I was a kid, the Dodgers choked so much that I stopped caring about baseball altogether. Lots of young people expect Obama to at least put up a good fight. You see where I'm going with this? Don't really care. Thug 4 Life.
     
129. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-09-23 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-09-23 Pub. Date: 2012-09-23
Image Number: 87235
Caption: Y'know what I just love? Democrats. I also think Hollywood values are great for America. Y'know where I want to live? San Francisco. Y'know what I'm just dying to drive? An electric car. Y'know what I wish government would do? Take away my guns. I'm trying out sarcasm. It's my new thing. What do you think? It's annoying. Oh. Thanks for your opinion. It really means a lot to me.
     
130. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-09-02 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-09-02 Pub. Date: 2012-09-02
Image Number: 86495
Caption: Your name says a lot about you. Dr. Noodle. Strong names make strong people. You never see a leader named "Meakly Wimpman." When I took a writing class, I learned a "MacGuffin" is an object the protagonist is willing to sacrifice everything for … … Even though there's never any explanation of why it's so valuable. Suddenly everything made sense ... My girlfriend's last name is MacGuffin. I see. You don't know why you're with her. I don't see why I should do the dishes if she won't even change her name.
     
131. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-17 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-17 Pub. Date: 2012-07-17
Image Number: 84245
Caption: You were a lying, cheating snake, Phil. You can forget about me taking you back. Susan, I'm a changed man. I made a pilgrimage to India. I experienced an epiphany in a tiny Himalayan village. Not sure which one … The Ephiphany sisters looked a lot alike. But I digress ...
     
132. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-28 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-28 Pub. Date: 2012-06-28
Image Number: 82891
Caption: Reverend Wilfred W. Wilfred … yes? I am the Lord. I want you to retract your support for gay marriage, so that your congregation will come back, and you can once again afford to pay your electric bill and your employees. Are you sure you're God? Yes. You sound an awful lot like my secretary Jerome, speaking through a rolled-up newspaper. No, I don't think so ...
     
133. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-14 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-14 Pub. Date: 2012-06-14
Image Number: 81851
Caption: I'm gonna throw up, an' I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it. If you see somethin' that look like your house key, don’t assume I swallowed it so I could make a copy of it later. For all you know, it's just a carrot. I need new friends. Carrots look a lot like house keys.
     
134. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-24 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-24 Pub. Date: 2012-05-24
Image Number: 81180
Caption: But there are a lot of potential customers there. No. I just need to borrow ya kid for one hour. No. Thug 4 Life. Just to get into Chuck E. Cheese. No. Then what I'm s'posed to do with my 10 kilos of bubble gum? Good talk, Clyde.
     
135. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-22 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-22 Pub. Date: 2012-01-22
Image Number: 74977
Caption: I'm so sick of Hollywood values. They clearly have nothing but hatred for America. That's nonsense. Why do you think Hollywood makes billions of dollars from millions of Americans every year? OWS protester love of red velvet cake. Daily Nutjob. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. All those "Hollywood" values are actually American values. Million of Americans engage in violence, promiscuity, and whatever else you see on your tv. On the other hand, millions of Americans practice all the kindness, selflessness and tolerance you also see on tv. Hollywood is just a mirror of society. I only meant they charge a lot for movies and cable. Oh. Never mind, then. You're right.
     
136. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-27 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-27 Pub. Date: 2011-10-27
Image Number: 67157
Caption: Hello, Lemont. I just wanted to wish you luck and show you there are no hard feelings. Well … Thanks, Roxanne. In fact, after mother … I mean, the judge … grants me full custody, I promise only to tell our son about your many shortcomings in the most positive light. My attorney tell me I have a good chance, Roxanne. We've given the judge a lot to think about. The judge is ready to rule?! It's only been thirty seconds! We're dead! We're ... Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't see you standing there. How much of that did you ... Maybe I'll do you a favor and not tell him about you at all.
     
137. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-24 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-24 Pub. Date: 2011-10-24
Image Number: 67154
Caption: Closing Arguments. Your honor, you've heard a lot of reasons why Lemont Brown should not be given custody of Lionel. You've heard that his friends are thugs, liars and miscreants. You've heard he's a poor, pudgy Star Trek fanatic who may be mentally unhinged and never calls his mother. Get to the "but" already! Haha, you said "butt!"
     
138. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-23 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-23 Pub. Date: 2011-10-23
Image Number: 66463
Caption: On Today's Sunday Morning Political Show, we have -- BOOOO! Um ... We have the audience from the last few republican presidential debates. The ones who booed a gay soldier ... ... Cheered at the thought of a hypothetical comatose man dying because he has no health insurance ... ... And errupted with joy at the mere mention that Rick Perry executed people. ... Lots of people. Thank you for joining us, debate audience. I don't deserve to be here. I've been bad. I've gotten used to the notion that we're all in this society together. Whip me. Take away my unemployment insurance ... Um ... We'll be right back. Let my HMO deny me because of pre-existing conditions again! I deserve it! Punish me!
     
139. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-16 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-16 Pub. Date: 2011-10-16
Image Number: 66180
Caption: Dr. Noodle. Nobody talks about me anymore. I'm a has-been. A nobody. Like you. No offense, buddy. None taken. None of the big stores is even mentioning me. Mr. Claus ... you do know it's October, right? Don't rub it in, pal. In the nineties, when things were going great, stores would be all up in my business, talking about me as early as Labor Day. It's tough to cope with the loss of celebrity. But with a lot of hard work, you can avoid the usual downward spiral of booze, womanizing and rehab. Focus on bettering yourself. Shed your anger. Learn yoga. Lose weight. How'd you like a lifetime supply of coal, buddy?
     
140. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-09 lot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-09 Pub. Date: 2011-10-09
Image Number: 66121
Caption: Dr. Noodle. I earn as much as my brother, and he just bought a house. So I tried to buy one too only to find out I can't, because I'm self-employed. And lenders now won't give a mortgage because all my legitimate business deductions make it look like my income is a lot smaller than it really is. So I have two choices. Give up my business and get a full-time job, or stop taking deductions and owe the IRS $20 grand. Hmmm ... I see. Or I can get a cosigner. Well, it appears our time is up. It's only been two minutes. Speaking of which, how's your credit score?
     
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