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Rudy Park

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81. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-03-12 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-03-12 Pub. Date: 2016-03-12
Image Number: 140202
Caption: Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under "mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of." That's scheduled for March 2017 - February 2018. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word "dumb." ... Tough, but not impossible.
     
82. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-28 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-28 Pub. Date: 2016-02-28
Image Number: 139003
Caption: I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to play!" We've got some week-old coffee I haven't thrown out yet. That's pretty dangerous. Gimme a large and keep it coming.
     
83. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-21 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-21 Pub. Date: 2016-02-21
Image Number: 138713
Caption: Rudy, I'd like you to broaden your skill-set. What for, boss? You have a real flair for making coffee. House of Java Cybercafe. But the era of the specialist is over. These days, workers must be able to perform the duties of several people. A lot of political cartoonists are now expected to also draw bar graphs and write articles covering the local car wash openings. I fired my long-time dentist so I could hire one who'd agree to also paint my bathroom. Workers specializing in just one thing is a historical aberration, anyway. For most of human history, people had to catch their own food, make their own clothes, dig their own graves ... and give offerings to their overlords. How good are you at painting bathrooms and performing root canals? How hard can that be? I'll go see if there's a root canal on Youtube.
     
84. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-02-02 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-02-02 Pub. Date: 2016-02-02
Image Number: 138611
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What'll it mean if Trump ends up winning? Excellent question. It reminds me of questions very few people asked 80 years ago when Mussolini came to power in Italy. Other questions that went unasked back then: "Is sucking down smoke all day long bad for me?" "Is it a bad idea to buy radioactive beauty cream?" "Is cocaine really the best remedy for indigestion?!" People sure were dumb back then.
     
85. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-22 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-22 Pub. Date: 2016-01-22
Image Number: 137966
Caption: Hi, this is Martin O'Malley. Marty! I haven't heard from you since the Battle of the Bulge! No, no … I'm the Martin O'Malley who's running for president. You always were a kidder, Marty. I'm not "Marty"! I'm the former Governor of Maryland. I'm running for the Democratic nomination. I'm calling to tell you I'd love to have your vote. House of Java Cybercafe. Remember when you convinced General Patton you were his long-lost love-child? You always were a rascal. How's Trixie? I don't ... (Sigh) Fine. She's fine. Gotta go.
     
86. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-21 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-21 Pub. Date: 2016-01-21
Image Number: 137965
Caption: If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body. That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000. Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he's concerned about mortality. Your answer should have been "nothing." The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy. I think I'd rather wait for the 7000-s. Stop it.
     
87. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-24 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-24 Pub. Date: 2015-11-24
Image Number: 135700
Caption: Boss, what's the best way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings? Hush money. What? Offer the dumpee a cashier's check for $5,000 on the condition she refrains from having hurt feelings. If she just can't do that, then you should be compassionate and offer her a $1,000 check as long as she agrees not to burden you with her hurt feelings. Very bad man. Compassion is an essential component of any severance package.
     
88. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-28 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-28 Pub. Date: 2015-10-28
Image Number: 134465
Caption: How come you never take any of my ideas seriously? I'm a marketing genius. I have a long track record of attracting business in both the residential and commercial sectors. What? When? Where? I've generated hundreds of billions of simoleans in the last 24 years. Wait ... Are you taking about Sim City"? Everything I touch turns to solid gold!
     
89. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-16 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-16 Pub. Date: 2015-10-16
Image Number: 133874
Caption: You've been in there for quite a while, little buddy. Everything all right? Go away, Randy! Randy's rule #896: A confident person doesn't get tinkle-shy just because there's a long line waiting for him or her to finish. Still here. Go away!!!
     
90. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-21 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-21 Pub. Date: 2015-07-21
Image Number: 130026
Caption: Can I ask you something man-to-man? What's up? Let's say a … friend of mine … was so focused on building his corporate empire that he had very little time for romance. And let's say my … friend … hired a surrogate to seduce someone, get married, and have children ... all while wearing a hidden camera so I ... I mean, my friend ... could experience it vicariously. Would that be weird? Long talk ahead.
     
91. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-07-03 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-07-03 Pub. Date: 2015-07-03
Image Number: 129102
Caption: Randy, if you could live in just one fairy tale, which one would it be? Funny you should ask. I come from a long line of men who've been used as the models for fairy tale princes. Sir Randy the Bold, for instance, was famous throughout the realm for his mad combat skills and his penchant for married ladies. Unlike the fictional "Sir Lancelot" he inspired, Sir Randy rotted his life away in debtor's prison ... after the League of Angry Husbands sued him in court for "alienation of affection."
     
92. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-21 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-21 Pub. Date: 2015-05-21
Image Number: 127262
Caption: People see me as a heartless, miserly man whose pursuit of money leaves him with no room for personal relationships. It's taken me a long time to cultivate that image, Randy. But sometimes, when I'm home alone in the cold of the night, I long to feel a warm, comforting body beside me. That's why I've started warming my life-size doll made of $20 bills in the microwave. Is that weird? To each his own.
     
93. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-20 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-20 Pub. Date: 2015-05-20
Image Number: 127261
Caption: Can I ask you something man-to-man? What's up? Let's say you're delivering your usual enormous campaign contributions to the members of the city zoning boards to ensure no potential competitors can open a café within 50 miles of your own. And let's say you realize you've fallen madly in love with one of the cronies you're bribing. Does it violate any sort of guy code to pursue a romance with your own crony? Very long talk ahead.
     
94. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-05-04 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-05-04 Pub. Date: 2015-05-04
Image Number: 126574
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What's with that senseless riot in Baltimore? What do you mean? America has a long history of self-destructive riots in response to police brutality. It's senseless to call it senseless. A city is like a human body. If you feed a body an awful diet of abuse and unaccountable cops, that body's eventually going to have a massive coronary. In short: Learn your history! And eat oatmeal! Oat ... What? What are you talking about?
     
95. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-17 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-17 Pub. Date: 2015-04-17
Image Number: 125628
Caption: I burned 3,200 more calories yesterday than I consumed!!! You went for a long run? No. Oh. Well you must've followed my usual regimen: Cross-fit, a few hours of weights … followed by several hours of evading jealous boyfriends. I forgot to enter the calories consumed into my fitness app. You'd be surprised how many calories you burn evading buckshot.
     
96. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-04-14 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-04-14 Pub. Date: 2015-04-14
Image Number: 125625
Caption: Little buddy, you asked me to make sure you're following every step in "Randy's Guide to Being an Alpha Male." Go away, Randy! Have you read chapter 14? It's called "Yes, they are noticing how long you spend in the john." GO AWAY! A decisive man has decisive bowels. GO AWAY!
     
97. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-25 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-25 Pub. Date: 2015-03-25
Image Number: 124711
Caption: This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself … all begin to fade into an increasingly distant past as soon as you discover your first hair that's grown in a place where hair isn't supposed to grow ... or so I'm told. It's never happened in my family. "Genetically magnificent," I believe is the technical term. It was like two inches long.
     
98. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-13 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-13 Pub. Date: 2015-03-13
Image Number: 124103
Caption: Boss, I'm one of the finalists for Mars One! I'll be going to Mars on a one-way trip. Excellent. On Mars, you'll have only the air and food you bring with you. That won't last long. To survive long-term you'll have to plant vast gardens to feed you and replenish your oxygen. You'll be toiling and slaving for no money at all. I should never tell you anything. I'll stop paying you, to help you get used to that.
     
99. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-03-08 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-03-08 Pub. Date: 2015-03-08
Image Number: 123164
Caption: Hello, meathead. Oh, that's so adorable. Hello, Sadie. "Adorable"? I just insulted you. I just informed you that I'm aware you're a complete birdbrain. You're a simpleton, Randy Taylor. Haha … you're the best, Sadie. I'm glad you're around. I don't think you heard me. You're an airhead. A loon. A schnook. A numbskull. A noodle. A saphead. A dimwit. A moron. An oaf. A turkey. A fathead. A doofus. A dodo. An ignoramus! You're from a long line of ignoramuses. I knew your great-grandmother. She used to wear her bustle upside-down. She was so dumb she put her dentures in backward and ate herself to death. But at least when she was alive, she had the pleasure of your company. Oh. Oh, never mind. See you later. I call it "wearing a coat of charmer."
     
100. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-12 long 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-12 Pub. Date: 2015-02-12
Image Number: 122755
Caption: I so completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus. How am I wrong? You're wrong, because every day we manage dozens of alerts, emails, texts, channels, websites, blogs and social networks. We've evolved into a species of jugglers, Randy. Jugglers have to have tremendous nevermind. "Tremendous nevermind"? This is just way too long to have one conversation about the same thing.
     
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