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You might also be interested in Candorville about:
ends of life, extra lives, facts of life, family lives, life changes, life or death, life saving, lives and living, personal lives, pro-life, right to life, work lives. View all subjects for Candorville.
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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-22 |
| Image Number: |
180468 |
| Caption: |
Will work for $$$. Will carry on your social media feuds while you live your life, for $$$.
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-08 |
| Image Number: |
180282 |
| Caption: |
Even after all these years, Momma still won't tell me who my father is. All I know is, she met him when she was a waitress at a casino in Vegans, back in the seventies. I feel like she owes it to me to tell me. Your mom gave you life, raised you all by herself, worked from sunup to sundown to give you everything you needed ... Yeah, she really does owe you something. Glad you agree.
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-22 |
| Image Number: |
180021 |
| Caption: |
Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? You haven't responded in a while. I know it's my fault. I never wanted to hurt you, Sunshine. But that's exactly why I went away for so many years. I loved you so much that I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My husband Webster blamed you for everything. He said you Put it in my head that he was abusive. I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My horrible divorce ... my custody battle ... Webster putting out a contract on your life ... Are you there? I ... understand why you don't want to respond. Sorry. had to take a potty break. Where were we? Do not scroll up. Tap tap tap t -
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-20 |
| Image Number: |
179913 |
| Caption: |
You already finished your bucket list, Clyde? That's right. But … you're only midway through life. Read the last item on that list. Make it midway through life. Wait … there are only two other items on here. Get it started, and Let it ride. E'rething else just details, bruh. the truth of the story lies in the details. - Paul Auster. The strength of the alibi likes in the lack of details - C-Dog.
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-17 |
| Image Number: |
179917 |
| Caption: |
Jodie at work called me a Type A person. It offended me. Type A's are ambitious, outgoing, proactive, concerned with time-management … but they're also rigidly organized. I specifically planned to be flexibly organized at this point of my life. Couldn't you just move flexible to your fifties? That would throw everything off!!!
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-14 |
| Image Number: |
179914 |
| Caption: |
1982. What do you think life'll be like in the year 2019? I take it you mean for those of us who survive the nuclear Armageddon. It'll be pretty rad. We've got 4.6 billion people on earth right now. That's way too much. After the nuclear war, we'll have maybe 10,000 people left. We'll have to scrounge to survive. There will be no time for hate. No time for chores. No time for homework. The nuclear wasteland will be a paradise. I like when you're optimistic.
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-10 |
| Image Number: |
179807 |
| Caption: |
Lately I've been thinking about quitting the agency and starting a Folklorico dance group. Say what? Remember how much I loved being in Ensables Ballet Folklorico back in college? Yeah. I was really good at it, too. And I don't think I've ever felt as happy as I did on stage. Maybe this is just your midlife crisis talking. Mumblety - three is NOT midlife anymore!!! If you say so.
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-09-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-09-29 |
| Image Number: |
179616 |
| Caption: |
I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman Republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped working for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-09-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-09-17 |
| Image Number: |
179499 |
| Caption: |
Sir, I demand you let me fire Dick Fink. He's condescending, slovenly, forgetful, always late, and I'm fairly sure he's made two attempts on my life. You have to learn to tolerate people who are different from you, Garcia. He's blackmailing you, isn't he. I've never even heard of Vegas and I deny everything.
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-09-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-09-11 |
| Image Number: |
179396 |
| Caption: |
What're you so excited about, Clyde? I'll put it this way, Big L: Ain't you never got nothin' you didn't expect to be getting' … come to realize you been waitin' on it for half your life an' you didn't never even know it? Was pushing my buttons the whole point of all this? 'Course not, Big L. I just forgot you can't never stand double negatives.
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-23 |
| Image Number: |
178670 |
| Caption: |
What are you so happy about, Lemont? Well, this morning Lionel and I had breakfast at Pancake-ville. When it came time to calculate a tip, I asked my phone What's 22% of $22.22? and my phone told me. That's when it occurred to me, we're living in the future! We have electric cars, drones, instant knowledge at our fingertips ... It's the future I've dreamt of my entire life! (Sigh) ... you always did hate math. Only in the future can a man track down his old math teacher on Facebook and gloat.
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-14 |
| Image Number: |
178556 |
| Caption: |
According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-07 |
| Image Number: |
178419 |
| Caption: |
Do you think there's life after death, Clyde? 'Course there is, Big L. You know how much death there been? What do you mean? It's been calculated that in all the time people been here, 100.8 billion of them have died. But C-Dog still here, bruh. This isn't all about you, Clyde. Ask Socrates if this all about me ... Oh, you can't.'Cause he dead. An' I ain't. Good talk, Clyde.
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-31 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-31 |
| Image Number: |
177797 |
| Caption: |
1982. Mr. Barnhouse must've really liked my art project. He said I should dedicate my whole entire life to it. It's a snow globe. And inside the snow globe is a little boy named Tommy Westphall. And Tommy is holding a tiny snow globe of his own. And inside Tommy's snow globe is an entire universe filled with people who each secretly have their own snow globes. And so on. I'm not sure Lemont, you should be committed for life means what you think it means. Mr. Barnhouse backed away slowly when he said it. That's a sign of respect.
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-27 |
| Image Number: |
177788 |
| Caption: |
How come all your social media say you at the National Writers Society annual convention right now? You was there last week. You here now, bruh. Isn't it obvious, Clyde? I don't want burglars to know when I'm not in town. That's just paranoid, Big L. Since when is it paranoid to always time-shift my life by one week? There wasn't -- I mean, there prolly wasn't nothin' in your apartment worth stealin' no way.
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-02 |
| Image Number: |
177386 |
| Caption: |
1982. You won Best Book Report in Mrs. Cass's class. I did what? I overheard her talking to Mr. Barnhouse about it. They're gonna give you a blue ribbon and a cupcake in class tomorrow. Wow. Oh wow! I've never won anything in my whole entire life before. This is awesome! This means everything! I thought you said awards didn't mean anything. That was when I hadn't won any.
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-04-12 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-04-12 |
| Image Number: |
177117 |
| Caption: |
What you just say life is? A parade of air-bursting bolides. When an extremely bright meteor hurtles toward earth, it's a bolide. If it blows up when it enters our atmosphere instead of impacting the surface … that's an airburst. Every opportunity we miss. Every time we narrowly avoid death. Every time we didn't eat a burrito that had just gone bad ... You tellin' me that burrito I snuck from you was old? Some bolides explode elsewhere.
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-03-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-03-28 |
| Image Number: |
176942 |
| Caption: |
Your article about the electoral college was riddled with inaccuracies. You mean my humor column? The electoral college not a for-profit, fake real estate training program started by James and Ivanka Madison to defraud people out of their life savings. It was a joke. And Hollywood actors and rich CEOs did not bribe people to get their spoiled kids into the electoral college. It was a joke. (Sigh) People always get extra-literal when their worldview is challenged. We're talking about my view of the electoral college, not of the world.
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-03-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-03-26 |
| Image Number: |
176940 |
| Caption: |
Wanna know how I know Star Trek: Discovery is a big deal? How? There are conspiracy theorists on Youtube trying to debunk it. I've seen people debunk the JFK assassination. I've seen them debunk the moon landing. Never in my life have I seen people try to prove that an insidious cabal of tv executives is deceiving fans into thinking a tv show is actually set in the universe they say it's set in. Their hour-long video about how the uniforms are 25 percent different from Captain Kirk's almost lured me in. Dios mio.
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-03-22 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-03-22 |
| Image Number: |
176839 |
| Caption: |
Boss, if you could be any animal on earth, which one would you be? I'm glad you asked, minion. I'd be a nocturnal, camouflaged Wobbegong at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. There I'd lie in wait, ever vigilant, ever hungry ... ever ready to devour any creature large or small unlucky enough to brush against my whiskers. I'm going to back away now. No, no ... don't back away, minion ... That's when the Wobbegong will get you.
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