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The Joke Comic Strips

gathered from over thirty leading newspaper comic strips.

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1. Comic Strip John Hambrock  The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee 2017-05-15 joke 
Cartoonist(s): John Hambrock
Comic/Cartoon: The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee
Viewable Date: 2017-05-15 Pub. Date: 2017-05-15
Image Number: 157954
Caption: Edison and Joules begin their Star Trek holoprogram. Stardate 5928.5. I've had just about enough of Mister Spock's logical nonsense … so I'm going to beam him down to the planet Psoriasis IV before heading to the fructose sector for a chocolate milkshake. Relax! I'm joking! Geeez! Vulcans do not joke.
     
2. Comic Strip John Hambrock  The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee 2017-05-04 joke 
Cartoonist(s): John Hambrock
Comic/Cartoon: The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee
Viewable Date: 2017-05-04 Pub. Date: 2017-05-04
Image Number: 157425
Caption: Look at us, Joules - Two astronauts about to set off on an adventure. I feel like we're Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. Buzz? What's a Buzz Aldrin? You're joking, right? Is it a bee? Just put the suit on.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-03 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-03 Pub. Date: 2017-05-03
Image Number: 157547
Caption: Why erebody always say "think of the children"? How'd that get all flipped 'round? When we was kids, no matter what crazy, deranged #@$% we saw, our mommas said "don't mind that, that's grown folk's business." When they all of a sudden decide that grown folks have to all be "Mister Rogers" instead of kids havin' to mind they business? It's apparent you're not a parent. You tell one more "dad joke" an' I won't be held responsible for my actions.
     
4. Comic Strip Mike Lester  Mike du Jour 2017-05-02 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Lester
Comic/Cartoon: Mike du Jour
Viewable Date: 2017-05-02 Pub. Date: 2017-05-02
Image Number: 157378
Caption: What seems to be wrong with keykat? She won't pway wiv me. Maybe she's not cat-holic … Sorry. Just a little vet humor. Vewy sacweewigous.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-26 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-26 Pub. Date: 2017-04-26
Image Number: 157286
Caption: Tell me again why you ain't gone to the doctor 'bout your heart, Big L? I lost my health insurance. I've saved all my life for a down payment on a house, so I'll have something to leave to my son. If I go to the hospital, I'll probably lose it all and he'll inherit nothing. But I have life insurance, so if I die, he'll inherit my savings and $2 million. This country be messed up, bruh. I've recorded 18 years' worth of advice and dad-jokes for him.
     
6. Comic Strip J.C. Duffy  Fusco Brothers 2017-04-26 joke 
Cartoonist(s): J.C. Duffy
Comic/Cartoon: Fusco Brothers
Viewable Date: 2017-04-26 Pub. Date: 2017-04-26
Image Number: 156539
Caption: Your happy hour is a joke. Since this is a comic strip, could you at least make it a joke with a punch line? Happy Hour 5-5:30,
     
7. Comic Strip Jim Toomey  Sherman's Lagoon 2017-04-25 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Jim Toomey
Comic/Cartoon: Sherman's Lagoon
Viewable Date: 2017-04-25 Pub. Date: 2017-04-25
Image Number: 157129
Caption: Hello, my name is Sherman. I came to offer my condolences. I never met Granddad, and, well, I didn't prepare anything formal … so, I thought this might be a good time for a knock-knock joke. Thrown out of a funeral? Tough crowd.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-09 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-09 Pub. Date: 2017-04-09
Image Number: 156035
Caption: Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm glad.
     
9. Comic Strip Chris Browne  Hagar The Horrible 2017-04-03 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Chris Browne
Comic/Cartoon: Hagar The Horrible
Viewable Date: 2017-04-03 Pub. Date: 2017-04-03
Image Number: 156275
Caption: I can't seem to properly tie this knot! Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it! Ha ha ha ha. What? You don't appreciate gallows humor?
     
10. Comic Strip Steve Kelley Jeff Parker  Dustin 2017-04-02 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Steve Kelley Jeff Parker
Comic/Cartoon: Dustin
Viewable Date: 2017-04-02 Pub. Date: 2017-04-02
Image Number: 155711
Caption: Dad, if I missed your birthday, would you still want me to get you a gift? Um … Well, yes, I think I would. And if your anniversary slipped my mind? Would you still want a card? I think it would be appropriate. What if I gave you a Father's Day card on the Monday after the third Sunday in June? Wait -- What? Dustin, I'm busy. I can't get this stupid mouse to work. Look - I move the mouse and nothing happens! I click the mouse and nothing happens! I unplugged it and plugged it back in, and still nothing!! I've been at it half the morning. Let me have a look at it. Well, here's the problem. Somebody put a piece of tape over the optical sensor. Happy April Fools' Day.
     
11. Comic Strip Dave Coverly  Speed Bump 2017-03-31 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Dave Coverly
Comic/Cartoon: Speed Bump
Viewable Date: 2017-03-31 Pub. Date: 2017-03-31
Image Number: 156047
Caption: No caption (Three angels pose for a picture. One has taken another one's halo as a joke).
     
12. Comic Strip Greg Evans  Luann 2017-03-29 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Greg Evans
Comic/Cartoon: Luann
Viewable Date: 2017-03-29 Pub. Date: 2017-03-29
Image Number: 155461
Caption: Ugh. What a freakin' mess. I'm sorry I misread your intentions, Les. I would've said something. My uncle already thinks I'm a loser. As soon as everyone hears I spent a fortune on my gay "girlfriend," I'll be a joke. Story of my life. I'm screwed no matter what I do. Well you're safe with me.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-24 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-24 Pub. Date: 2017-03-24
Image Number: 155929
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: "Britain." Specifically about how a recent poll shows that nearly half of Britain misses Colonialism. They miss the day when they rounded up natives into camps, massacred them, tortured them into submission, ethnically cleansed whole regions, carved up their lands into arbitrary countries and made them all play cricket. Before I open the line to callers, I'm warning you, there will be a strict limit on the number of "Make Britain Great Again" jokes I will allow.
     
14. Comic Strip Mike Twohy  That's Life 2005-08-25 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Twohy
Comic/Cartoon: That's Life
Viewable Date: 2017-03-20 Pub. Date: 2005-08-25
Image Number: 11356
Caption: No one told me he hates puns.
     
15. Comic Strip Chris Browne  Hagar The Horrible 2017-03-19 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Chris Browne
Comic/Cartoon: Hagar The Horrible
Viewable Date: 2017-03-19 Pub. Date: 2017-03-19
Image Number: 155150
Caption: Please don't embarrass me tonight. Have I ever embarrassed you? Let me count the ways … Remember, Hagar, this is a fancy party! Be polite! Don't drink too much! Don't tell crude jokes! Don't eat too much! Don't flirt! And don't leave without saying goodbye!!
     
16. Comic Strip Bruce Tinsley  Mallard Fillmore 2017-03-19 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Bruce Tinsley
Comic/Cartoon: Mallard Fillmore
Viewable Date: 2017-03-19 Pub. Date: 2017-03-19
Image Number: 155158
Caption: Can I ask you a few questions about college life? Sure. Well, it's really demanding, schedule-wise! … I have to make the time to go listen to a conservative speaker on campus … go buy eggs to throw at her … beat up some of her fans … and still find time to set the library on fire! You're joking, right? Reminiscing, actually ... we banned conservative speaker two years ago.
     
17. Comic Strip John Hambrock  The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee 2017-03-17 joke 
Cartoonist(s): John Hambrock
Comic/Cartoon: The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee
Viewable Date: 2017-03-17 Pub. Date: 2017-03-17
Image Number: 155522
Caption: Let me guess. You're here for my Lucky Charms. Har, har! Very funny! I'm a leprechaun, so naturally you felt compelled to make a "Lucky Charms" joke. Frankly, I find such stereotypes hurtful and offensive. I'm so sorry. How can I make it up to you? You could show me where you hide your gold ... when you have a minute.
     
18. Comic Strip J.C. Duffy  Fusco Brothers 2017-03-14 joke 
Cartoonist(s): J.C. Duffy
Comic/Cartoon: Fusco Brothers
Viewable Date: 2017-03-14 Pub. Date: 2017-03-14
Image Number: 154868
Caption: Amusing bouquet. Too had that's as close as this strip will get to a punch line.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-05 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-05 Pub. Date: 2017-03-05
Image Number: 154597
Caption: I just read that Bill Gates is set to become the world's first trillionaire by the year 2042. Which proves this is the greatest country on earth. Where else could one person amass more hundred dollar bills than there are people on earth? You know what I think? I think we should confiscate everything anyone earns over $1 billion and redistribute it. You what? It's only fair, when you think about it. Our billionaires became billionaires by automating and outsourcing and doing all sorts of things that put millions of Americans out of work. Redistributing the excess would give all those people a decent basic income, so they would never have to starve and die just because millionaires wanted to be billionaires. I'm practicing for April Fools. How'd I do? I didn't buy it for a second. Color-blinded.
     
20. Comic Strip Mike Lester  Mike du Jour 2017-03-04 joke 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Lester
Comic/Cartoon: Mike du Jour
Viewable Date: 2017-03-04 Pub. Date: 2017-03-04
Image Number: 155077
Caption: Phyllis Stein, that was easily the most foul, crass, vulgar, offensive joke ever! Got any more? O.k. two drunks …
     
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