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Candorville

Comics about insults and insulting.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-16 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-16 Pub. Date: 2019-06-16
Image Number: 178092
Caption: Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are all confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout, they're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions. Those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't so bad. Just tell them you were being sarcastic. Ok. Oh no! Now they're saying I'm being defensive and must have something to hide! Say the media took you our of context. Ok. Oh no!
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-06 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-06 Pub. Date: 2019-02-06
Image Number: 176172
Caption: What was life really like in the Middle Ages, Sadie? A lot like today. There were a tiny handful of filthy rich feudal lords, and a huge mass of poor peasants who were too ignorant to see what was going on. What? No, I didn't really want to learn anything, I was just calling you old. Let's try again ... How did the sky over your house look after that asteroid wiped out all the dinosaurs? It looked brown. A lot like today.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-25 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-25 Pub. Date: 2018-10-25
Image Number: 174603
Caption: Momma, why can't you watch Lionel for me? It's only two weeks. I have an important story to go cover. What do you mean you don't have the energy? … Yes, yes I know you're not 22 anymore, but you … Yes, Yes I know you're not 23 anymore. But … Yes, I know you're not 24 -- Are we going to go through every number there is? ... No, I'm not saying you're that old. Hello? Are you still there?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-11 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-11 Pub. Date: 2018-05-11
Image Number: 171293
Caption: How come everyone leaves work early on Fridays, Clyde? People just have no work ethic. What ever happened to It ain't over 'til the f … um … I mean, what ever happened to It ain't over 'til it's over? What was you gonna say, Big L? Nothing that's become incredibly, horrendously outdated and offensive. you was gonna say 'Til the fat lady sing, wasn't you? Never.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-10 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-10 Pub. Date: 2018-01-10
Image Number: 167091
Caption: Did you see that Dave Chappelle special? I turned it off after he started getting political. Politics has no place in comedy. Not in sitcoms, not in comic strips, not in stand-up routines. Except for Donald Trump. Best insult-comic ever. That guy's hilarious. It's all starting to makes sense. He should've picked Andrew Dice Clay for VP, though.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-05 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 163961
Caption: I find it funny how you libs get all triggered every time the president implies Puerto Rican hurricane victims are lazy … or every time he praises white supremacists, or every time he "attacks" the first amendment, or every time he personally insults people. Don't you people know the president is trolling you? He's just pressing your buttons for fun and you fall for it every single time. It's as if none of you have ever debated anyone online. Online, you don't win by being right ... you win by making the other guy seem like he cares more than you do about any given topic. Caring is absolute proof of snowflaky weakness. If what the other guy cares about is common decency, you get extra points. That's the most absurd thing I've -- ... um ... whatever. Too late, snowflake.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-14 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-14 Pub. Date: 2017-08-14
Image Number: 161531
Caption: Remember when we were kids, we used to talk about all the places we wanted to visit? Yeah. Well … I'm halfway through my list, and I've realized something. Some of the countries I wanted to visit don't exist anymore. You know what that mean, Lemont? It means you're very, very old, Susan. You ever realize you've said something out loud that you didn't mean to say out loud? It means someday our country won't be h ... Wait, what?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-13 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-13 Pub. Date: 2017-03-13
Image Number: 155652
Caption: My wife keeps trying to get me to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop yelling at the kids … stop forgetting her birthday, stop insulting her mother, and stop leaving the seat up. So I told her "if you really love someone, you don't try to fundamentally transform them." And what'd she say? She said I could fundamentally transform the couch into my bed. Time.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-19 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-19 Pub. Date: 2016-10-19
Image Number: 149906
Caption: Hello, journalist, you've reached the campaign of Donald Trump. Vancouver International Airport. If you've criticized Mr. Trump in the past, press "one," you overrated, no-talent hack. Taxi queue. If you've showered him with praise, press "two," you decent, talented credit to your profession. Boop. You've pressed "two." Your interview may now commence ... Hello? This is Trump. "One" and "two" are so close together.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-21 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-21 Pub. Date: 2016-07-21
Image Number: 146142
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you ok?! I dweamt Donald Twump was a mean-head. And then he came into my dweam and towd me I wath a "total woother," an' I should wethign my job as your baby. That's the last time I let you watch the news. You're not a "total loser," son. I don't have another job lined up.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-01 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-01 Pub. Date: 2016-06-01
Image Number: 143920
Caption: What do I have to do to get Donald Trump to attack me on Twitter" I've tried pretty much everything. I've written articles about his phony college, documented over 100 of his lies, and cataloged every time he's pandered to racists. But so far he hasn't called me a "loser," a "total failure," or even "nobody." Being trash-talked by Trump is a rite of passage for any real journalist. Didn't he once have a goon yank you out of a press conference by your underpants? You're just trying to make me feel better.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-18 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-18 Pub. Date: 2016-04-18
Image Number: 142112
Caption: I'm interviewing Hillary Clinton tonight, but I can't find my phone. Did I leave it at your place, Clyde? Yeh. But don't worry, I handled business for you, bruh. What's that mean? Some fool named "Pulitzer" called you, said you won somethin'. I told him to save that scam for someone who don't know better, an' I insulted his momma for you.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-04 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-04 Pub. Date: 2016-04-04
Image Number: 141501
Caption: I can't get anything done at all until I've had my morning coffees. I think I may have a problem. The first step is admitting you've got a problem, Susan. I'm proud of you. Now that you know, you can do something about it. You can probably go into rehab for this sort of thing, with all the other junkies and addicts. I just meant I think I'm out of coffee. "Junkies" isn't politically correct, but if Trump can be blunt, so can I.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-20 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-20 Pub. Date: 2016-03-20
Image Number: 140250
Caption: President Trump's State of the Union Address: My fellow Americans, the state of the union is unbelievable. It's yuge! They said it would be small, it's yuge, believe me. One guy down here isn't applauding, and the cameras probably showed him. They didn't show the tons of people who clapped, they probably showed this one incompetent loser down here. Anyway ... They keep talking about this $500 billion deficit with China. They're winning and crying, boo-hoo, boo-hoo, like a bunch of weak little babies. Well this deficit is going away. You wanna know why? Because it's not gonna happen. We'll talk about that later. But first, we have to talk about this lightweight senator in the third row. Look at him. He's a nervous basket case. He looks like a weak little clown. And we're about to knock out ISIS, you know how? Like Truman. Patton. I'm going to pick up the phone, and forget about it, they're gone. Hey, loser, wake up. You're supposed to clap for that. What a clown. Click.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-22 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-22 Pub. Date: 2016-02-22
Image Number: 139560
Caption: Nobody understands why I hang out with you, Clyde. You're a thug, I'm not. You have no career, I do. You don’t care about the world, I report on it for a living. That's what they think, anyway, because they're not capable of looking past your loser image and seeing the real you. That's a compliment. If you have to say "that's a compliment," it ain't no compliment. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-03).
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-18 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-18 Pub. Date: 2016-01-18
Image Number: 137944
Caption: Hi stranger … nice day out, isn't it? The eagle has landed. What? … Hey, you aren't meeting up with someone to do something shady, are you? Sounds like you're usin' code words or something. You can do better with your life, young man. That ain't even close to "The fat man walk alone." (Sigh) ... If you don't like talking to strangers, just say so. So.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-19 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-19 Pub. Date: 2015-03-19
Image Number: 124247
Caption: One reason I want Clinton to be president is, she's tough enough to be "the first." The first woman or minority anything gets viciously attacked. I was the first woman executive at Fitzhugh & Fitzhugh. You should hear the things they still say about me. Some of them started calling the place Fitz, Fitz, and B ... You're right, the first one is always a punching bag.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-09 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-09 Pub. Date: 2015-03-09
Image Number: 123668
Caption: My wife keeps trying to get me to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop yelling at the kids … stop forgetting her birthday, stop insulting her mother, and stop leaving the seat up. So I told her "If you really love someone, you don't try to fundamentally transform them." And what'd she say? She said I could fundamentally transform the couch into my bed.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-24 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-24 Pub. Date: 2014-05-24
Image Number: 111559
Caption: It's been five months, three days and seventeen hours since anyone paid me a compliment! Well … that's probably the highest compliment there is, Susan. It means people have to come to expect you to be smart, driven, kind and gorgeous … so when you are all those things, nobody really notices. That's a pretty deep thought you had there. Thanks! ... Wait a minute. That's insulting.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-20 insult 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-20 Pub. Date: 2014-04-20
Image Number: 109691
Caption: I don’t know, man, there's just something people forget about the internet. What? Nobody's as anonymous as they think they are. And When they insult total strangers … When they call them "naïve morons" just 'cause they disagree … … When they tell other human beings they're wastes of space on this Earth ... When they say things like "I'd call you an uneducated baboon, but baboons smell better ... " ... They forget that before the so-called anonymity of the web, saying such things to other human beings usually led to consequences. How'd you get my number? That's not important right now, Gunther.
     
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