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The If Comic Strips

gathered from over thirty leading newspaper comic strips.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-24 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-24 Pub. Date: 2019-06-24
Image Number: 178240
Caption: I'm tired of people calling the places where we imprison refugees and the children we took from them concentration camps. So what if they meet the dictionary definition of concentration camp. Did you just think quotation marks around dictionary? We don't know that I did that.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2019-06-23 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2019-06-23 Pub. Date: 2019-06-23
Image Number: 178224
Caption: Latte and a scone. Put it on the boy's tab. Pardon? Save the bill for my darling Milo. It'll be easier that way. I don't understand. Our national debt is over $22 trillion. Our generation and our @#$% irresponsible government have borrowed all that money and Milo has to pay it back! So what's an extra latte and a scone, really? I sense sarcasm. But, if not, would he mind buying me a tv?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2019-06-22 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2019-06-22 Pub. Date: 2019-06-22
Image Number: 178175
Caption: Do I have to tell Laurel that I played video games with Darlene? Yes. In your eyes, playing video games is sacred. You have compromised your relationship with Laurel by playing with another woman. The truth is hard. But it's the only way. What if it was just physical? I never emotionally connected to the console! Weirdo.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-21 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-21 Pub. Date: 2019-06-21
Image Number: 178164
Caption: We cut our ad budget for YouTube because of all the hate for hate of hate content. You … what? Well, first they demonetized a few bigots and white supremacists so our ads wouldn't run on their filth. We thought that was fine. But then they also demonetizes people who made videos opposing those bigots. As if both sides were equally bad. I'm so tired of both-side-ism ... on both sides. Stop that.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2019-06-21 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2019-06-21 Pub. Date: 2019-06-21
Image Number: 178174
Caption: You played Xbox 360 with Darlene. That's your confession? I'm a loser. Do you didn't cheat on Laurel. You just played a video game. Are you nuts? Maybe if it had been the Nintendo Gamecube, or the original Playstation. But the 360? HOJ. Have you seen the graphics on the 360?! You need inpatient care.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-18 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-18 Pub. Date: 2019-06-18
Image Number: 178161
Caption: Someone posted a video of themselves all dressed in camo … wearing night vision goggles and hunting hogs, dogs and other wild animals. It made me wonder: Do you think hippos and tapeworms brag to each other every time they take one of us out? I wonder what they'd upload to youtube ... if they had fingers and thumbs.
     
7. Comic Strip Brian Crane  Pickles 2019-06-17 if 
Cartoonist(s): Brian Crane
Comic/Cartoon: Pickles
Viewable Date: 2019-06-17 Pub. Date: 2019-06-17
Image Number: 178102
Caption: Do we have any napkins? I don't know. Go look. No napkins or paper towels, but I found this. Earl! We can't use toilet paper for dinner napkins! I won't tell Martha Stewart if you won't.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2019-06-16 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2019-06-16 Pub. Date: 2019-06-16
Image Number: 178108
Caption: You ever have a nickname? Not really. Too bad. Usually nicknames are terms of endearment. If you have one, it means people like you. Randy's got one. If I'm not mistaken, his meathead football friends call him The Rock. I guess that's true. No biggie. I'm sure people just didn't get around to giving you one. Whatever. What if we call you The Spendinator? Means: Miserable indebted failure who lacks soul in an endearing way. Old bag, you played this one beautifully.
     
9. Comic Strip Brian Crane  Pickles 2019-06-16 if 
Cartoonist(s): Brian Crane
Comic/Cartoon: Pickles
Viewable Date: 2019-06-16 Pub. Date: 2019-06-16
Image Number: 178041
Caption: What hole is this? Who's counting? Mind if we play through? Okay, sure. Thanks! Thwack! This course has really gone downhill since they opened it up to croquet players!
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2019-06-15 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2019-06-15 Pub. Date: 2019-06-15
Image Number: 178054
Caption: Please don't tell anyone we played video games. What's the big deal? You think this is more important than if we'd … What? Y'know … if we'd … two consenting adults … Not following … Okay, that's at least a little cute. I knew it! Let's play Wii.
     
11. Comic Strip Dave Coverly  Speed Bump 2019-06-12 if 
Cartoonist(s): Dave Coverly
Comic/Cartoon: Speed Bump
Viewable Date: 2019-06-12 Pub. Date: 2019-06-12
Image Number: 178057
Caption: Remember, there's an additional charge if you don't refill the tank before you return it.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-11 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-11 Pub. Date: 2019-06-11
Image Number: 178021
Caption: I was standing by my car when some lady poked me in my bottom. You don't have no car, Big L. If one part of your story a lie, then can't nothin' 'bout the rest of the story be trusted. It's called an Uber, Clyde. No, it's called goosing. What? What?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-09 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-09 Pub. Date: 2019-06-09
Image Number: 178019
Caption: The year 2039. Beeeep … Beeeep … Beeeep … This is an alert from the emergency broadcast system. This is not a frill. An oxygen dead zone has been detected in your area. Remain indoors, seal all vents, and activate your dwelling's oxygen tank. If you are outdoors without a personal supply of oxygen, proceed to the nearest shelter. If you are at a shelter but have no oxygen insurance, immediately exit the shelter and hold your breath as long as possible. State Tv now returns you to your program, already in progress ... six of the candidates applying to the Chamber of Commerce to be overseer of North America favor an Oxygen for All system. Thanks because they're socialists. Click.
     
14. Comic Strip Dave Coverly  Speed Bump 2019-06-08 if 
Cartoonist(s): Dave Coverly
Comic/Cartoon: Speed Bump
Viewable Date: 2019-06-08 Pub. Date: 2019-06-08
Image Number: 177934
Caption: If you choose to read on a Kindle in the privacy of your own home, that's your business, but we're still calling this a @#$% book club.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-05 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-05 Pub. Date: 2019-06-05
Image Number: 177954
Caption: Hello, Fox News? This is Lemont Brown with candorville.com. I'm writing an article about the doctored video you aired, and I'm wondering if I could get a copy of it … No, not the one about Planned Parenthood … No, not the one about ACORN … No, not the one about CNN. I want the one about the Congresswoman ... No, the one about the other Congresswoman ... No ...
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-02 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-02 Pub. Date: 2019-06-02
Image Number: 177793
Caption: I've noticed a 25.9% uptick in impeachment talk among the patrons. I hadn't noticed. I've also noticed your complete and utter failure to depict those talking about it as sore losers … As delusional, evil, insane cretins having temper tantrums. So what if my disgraced former lawyer says he bribed the city council on my behalf to forbid any cafes but mine within city limits? What about the phenomenal job growth I've caused? I now employ you, a Roomba and, allegedly, nine out of ten city council members. Now get out there and pit our patrons against one another by declaring this witch hunt to be an illegal coup. And remind them you can't impeach a cafe owner for creating a great underground economy. Very bad man.
     
17. Comic Strip Brian Crane  Pickles 2019-05-28 if 
Cartoonist(s): Brian Crane
Comic/Cartoon: Pickles
Viewable Date: 2019-05-28 Pub. Date: 2019-05-28
Image Number: 177775
Caption: How are we going to get that gum out of Nelson's hair? Peanut butter. That won't work. I've heard that putting ice on it is the best way. Well, let's try the peanut butter first, and if that doesn't work, we'll try the ice. Never mind. I took care of it myself.
     
18. Comic Strip Mike Lester  Mike du Jour 2019-05-27 if 
Cartoonist(s): Mike Lester
Comic/Cartoon: Mike du Jour
Viewable Date: 2019-05-27 Pub. Date: 2019-05-27
Image Number: 177765
Caption: What's the Word o' the day, Phil? Broach. To open for the first time. No. What you call your best friend if he's a roach. Going to be a long week. Op-Ed. Instead of medium well. I didn't want to ruin the magic. - Kanye West
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2019-05-25 if 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177731
Caption: Thanks for calling, Mistercard. To report a lost or stolen card, press 1. To make an excuse for sending in a late payment, press 2. House of Java .Net Cybercafe. If your dog ate your bill, press 1. If it was lost in the mail, 2. If you were run down by a zamboni, and got beaten by hockey moms, 3. Yep, we've heard 'em all, and we ain't buying 'em. They're good.
     
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