Boss, I told The Fixer you were firing him. Go back and tell him that was fake news. I may have use for him after all, if the press ever finds out about the nondisclosure agreement I forced Garfield to sign. Um … ok … that's enough … The Fixer paid him the hush money, and that gives me plausible deniability. I don't want to hear it!!! Very bad man!!! It was lasagna-related. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Boss, what's the best way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings? Hush money. What? Offer the dumpee a cashier's check for $5,000 on the condition she refrains from having hurt feelings. If she just can't do that, then you should be compassionate and offer her a $1,000 check as long as she agrees not to burden you with her hurt feelings. Very bad man. Compassion is an essential component of any severance package.