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Candorville

Comics about hugeness.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-15 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-15 Pub. Date: 2018-06-15
Image Number: 172216
Caption: I got a tip about a huge geological calamity that's about to happen across the bridge. This story could make my site famous. Could you watch my boy while I go cover it? 'Course, bruh. For $4,000. Cool … what? I been reading Trump's Art of the Deal. It say if a brotha want something bad enough, charge him fifty times your usual fee. Are you sure that's in there? I demand to know what page. Ok. How much that information worth to you?
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-24 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-24 Pub. Date: 2018-03-24
Image Number: 169631
Caption: So how was your week, Susan? So-so. I brought in a huge client. And then we lost a different one. I met a great guy. And the next morning I met his girlfriend. I found a perfect parking spot. And then I got a parking ticket. I finally had time to read a novel I'd been dying to read. But it turned out to be horrible. Forget I asked. Someone finally asked me how my week went, but ...
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-18 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-18 Pub. Date: 2018-03-18
Image Number: 168967
Caption: Every time there's a huge massacre, the anti-massacre snowflakes try to take away my arsenal. Don't they know what country they're in? This country was founded on guns. The laws that forbid the carrying of arms … disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes ... Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants ... for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man. - Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson never said that. And even if he had, you'd be resting your argument on the opinion of a slave owner. There they go playing the slavery card again. Well, you have to admit, if a guy thinks it's ok to treat people like property, that guy's judgment is suspect. That part of his judgment only applied to back then. The gun part applies to right now and forever ... because reasons. You know what he thought it was ok to do with his slaves?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-08 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-08 Pub. Date: 2018-03-08
Image Number: 169166
Caption: I had a strange day today, Susan I totally know how that is … My day was strange, too. On the one hand, I landed the Ask Sadie Radio Show account. And I got a huge bonus. On the other hand, I discovered an underground gambling ring where people bet on how many cups of coffee I'll drink my noon. It's annoying when someone pretends to sympathize with you just so she can change the subject to her. I totally know how that is ...
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-18 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 167988
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre came along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiter exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year - wait, this whole thing is confidential, right?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-11 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167702
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-12 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-12 Pub. Date: 2017-12-12
Image Number: 166002
Caption: Homeless, please help. Because they say, come tax time, it'll make a huge difference. Homeless, please help LLC.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-04 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-04 Pub. Date: 2017-11-04
Image Number: 164420
Caption: You know how China built all those huge mega-cities, expecting people to flock to them, but they're still mostly empty? It's kind of ruined one of my all-time favorite movies: "Field of Dreams." Apparently if you build it, they don't come. I posted an article about that on my site, but nobody's read it ... That's more proof. Dios mio.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-05 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-05 Pub. Date: 2017-10-05
Image Number: 163373
Caption: Lemont, you run the seventh most popular news and opinion site online. Why don't you start a Youtube show too? It would be huge. No thanks. I've got principles. It's wrong to crave fame and celebrity. I'm not that full of myself. (Sigh) … Is this about how you're scared to death of public speaking? I'm not "scared to death." I'm principled to death.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-11 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-11 Pub. Date: 2017-09-11
Image Number: 162597
Caption: Remember that video of police attackin' that blond white woman nurse for just doin' her job? Remember Justine Diamond, white woman the police shot in her pajamas? Remember the hundreds of people of all races unnecessarily shot by cops in the past few years? Remember the huge "All Lives Matter" protests that broke out eretime? Glad to see I was wrong about "All Lives Matter" bein' just another way of sayin' "shut up an' take it, n*****." My "Sarcasm Monday" idea really caught on. Look at Wino Larry over there relievin' hisself. What a beautiful sight.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-21 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157604
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the coral reefs have pretty much died off. I mean yeah, a huge variety of fish and other sealife rely on the coral reefs. And yeah, about 500 million people in turn depend on that sealife for food, jobs and recreation. But it's not mankind's fault those sea creatures decided to sponge off the hard work of the polyps that made all the coral. Wait ... what? ... and it's not our fault that 500 million people didn't think ahead and get real jobs instead of sponging off welfare fish. Besides, marine habitats are something better left to private industry. If the fish really want vast expanses of underwater limestone shelters, let them buy it on the free market like the rest of us. Besides, I was just wasting my time with all those snorkeling vacations. I should've been working. You're just trying to make yourself feel better. Newsweak.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-18 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-18 Pub. Date: 2017-05-18
Image Number: 158079
Caption: I had a weird dream last night. Some blond chick showed up, and then our earth crashed into another earth. Weird, no? That's funny. I dreamt that DC Comics' "Harbinger" showed up and warned me about some huge calamity. She's blond … and when she did that in the comics, all the parallel earths ended up collapsing into one. With my luck, I'll end up like Psycho Pirate at the end of "Crisis on Infinite Earths." ... You were supposed to laugh. Never go full-geek, Lemont.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-08 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-08 Pub. Date: 2017-05-08
Image Number: 157807
Caption: Do you know why I'm headed to the hospital right now? Um … no … you ok? No, I'm not. I'm headed there to give them this huge check, thanks to Obamacare. I like to deliver it in person, so I can glare at them disapprovingly. The opposition as pretty much completely fallen apart. Also, I think my appendix may have exploded.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-22 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-22 Pub. Date: 2017-02-22
Image Number: 154803
Caption: I never asked what you and Ace Peerless did for Valentine's Day. We competed. I surprised him with a portrait of us that I painted … and he surprised me by sending a white horse to take me to the beach, where the Candorville Philharmonic performed an original composition Ace had written for me. At the crescendo, which was times to greet the sunset, Ace descended from the sky on a hang glider, accompanied by a flock of doves and eagles. Vancouver and I Skyped and exchanged heart emojis. I'll never know who Ace trained those birds to make that huge heart formation.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-09 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-09 Pub. Date: 2017-02-09
Image Number: 154240
Caption: Thank you, Clyde. I don't know what you mean, bruh. Last year, I asked you to stream "Young Justice" on Netflix, because huge subscriber numbers could resurrect it for another season. You blew me off. But I just went back through your old tweets and saw that a week before they renewed it, you told all you 958,000 followers to watch it. Must've been a type, get outta here. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you did something nice.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-12 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-12 Pub. Date: 2017-01-12
Image Number: 153089
Caption: Lemont Brown's Credo page 12. #96: This, I believe: Nobody "knows" anything. It's entirely possible that our universe is merely a computer simulation. If that's the case, then God, science … EVERYTHING … could have been written - and can be arbitrarily CHANGED - at the whim of the programmer ... It's the only explanation for all these hipsters who've suddenly sprouted huge lumberjack beards.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-17 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-17 Pub. Date: 2016-12-17
Image Number: 152115
Caption: She's going to find out I'm just a huge geek. I'm gonna blow this just like always. Face it, tiger … You just hit the jackpot. Get it? From amazing Spider-man #42. I always wanted to do that with the right guy. Oh no, you must think I'm a huge geek. I blew it, didn't I? I think I want to have your babies.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-16 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-16 Pub. Date: 2016-12-16
Image Number: 152114
Caption: There she is! This just got real. What if she doesn't like me in person like she does online? She hasn't seen me in a year, what if I don't turn her on anymore? What if she things I'm just a huge geek, like every other woman has? Knock knock. Eh … just play it cool. Dear god! Footsteps! I hear footsteps!
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-14 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-14 Pub. Date: 2016-02-14
Image Number: 138656
Caption: I put spyware on my son's computer. Last night, I saw what he's been looking at. Now I feel so guilty. He was watching dozens of Youtube videos detailing the theory that Jar Jar Binks was actually the most powerful evil Jedi in all of "Star Wars." I watched them all. They showed clips from the prequels where Jar Jar was clearly using the Jedi mind trick to manipulate everyone around him. Isaac Asimov was a huge "Star Wars" inspiration. These videos pointed out how Binks is eerily similar to a deceptively buffoonish character named "The Mule" in Asimov's "Foundation" series. It's undeniable. Jar Jar was the real "Phantom Menace," and Lucas must've abandoned that whole idea when we all jumped down his throat about the character. So ... you feel guilty for spying on your child since he wasn't doing anything wrong? I feel guilty for giving George Lucas such a hard time about Phantom Menace. The man was a genius.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-17 huge 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-17 Pub. Date: 2015-12-17
Image Number: 136533
Caption: I had a strange day today, Susan. I totally know how THAT is … My day was strange, too. On the one hand, I landed the "Ask Sadie Radio Show" account. And I got a huge bonus. On the other hand, I discovered an underground gambling ring where people bet on how many cups of coffee I'll drink by noon. It's annoying when someone pretends to sympathize with you just so she can change the subject to her. I totally know how THAT is...
     
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