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Candorville

Comics about hands and handing.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-15 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-15 Pub. Date: 2020-01-15
Image Number: 181260
Caption: I don't know what to do, Clyde. I just got an invitation to go give a speech at a journalism conference in Iran … Right after I published a series of opinion pieces condemning pretty much every side that brought us to the brink of war over there. On the one hand, it's dangerous for journalists these days, and I've never heard of the group that invited me. It's called Truth, Responsibility and Principle. T.R.A.P.? On the other hand, they say there's a free continental breakfast.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-29 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-29 Pub. Date: 2019-12-29
Image Number: 180953
Caption: Why are we here, Michael? First doc, thank you for seeing me on New Years Eve. I'm having a crisis. There we were, sitting around the crackling fire, champagne in hand. We were roasting chestnuts. We were singing Auld Lang Syne. That's when the owners came home early. We jumped out the window but I'm pretty sure Vic left his hammer behind. I see. So you want to know if turning yourself in would make you feel better? I want you to tell anyone who asks, this therapy session began at 1 a.m.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-17 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-17 Pub. Date: 2019-11-17
Image Number: 180297
Caption: … So I told him, Tolstoy once wrote: Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. But he just looked at me funny and then handed me the diaper anyway. Told you inspirational quotes ain't potty-trainin' nobody.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-01 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-01 Pub. Date: 2019-10-01
Image Number: 179726
Caption: Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothies on my head? I'm glad you huff asked. Studies huff show that sitting all huff day long behind a desk leads huff to obesity, sickness, huff toe-swelling huff and an early, huff excruciating huff death. So more huff and more huff office workers are using huff standing desks huff with treadmills. Have you ever huff tried handing someone huff a smoothie while running huff on a treadmill? They walk ... Walk.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-22 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-22 Pub. Date: 2019-09-22
Image Number: 179497
Caption: Coffee. Black. That'll be $48.95. What? But only because we're having a Bulgarian Independence Day special. How's $48.95 a special? It's a steal, considering the costs. I use only the finest black cephalopod ink, hand-squeezed by Gunther, the Albanian squid-wrangler. They have squids in Albania? And then there's the coffee cup. Special cup, coated with the blackest material on earth: Vantablack, stolen -- I mean sourced from UK-based Surrey Nanosystems. This might actually be worth the $48.95. The coffee brown, on the other hand, is only 85 cents.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-16 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-16 Pub. Date: 2019-07-16
Image Number: 178560
Caption: In just one handful of soil, there are about 50 million bacteria. Oh wow. There's a biomass of billions of tons of microbes living 600 meters underground. Do you have any idea what this means, Susan? It means there's more bacteria deep inside the earth than animals on the surface of it. But on the other hand, it's all gross, so we still come out ahead. Don't get the biomass angry, Lemont.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-09 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-09 Pub. Date: 2019-04-09
Image Number: 177114
Caption: Remember Principal Pervee, from high school? I ran into him the other day. I'd forgotten all about that guy. Didn't he use to walk up behind you and sniff your hair? And didn't he use to rest his hands on your hips when he talked to you? Yeah. He wasn't the only man to do that, so I used to just sort of shrug it off, like it was to be expected. Back then, we didn't really see how wrong it was. Didn't you once accidentally spill a whole bag of sugar into old Pervee's gas tank?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-06 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-06 Pub. Date: 2019-04-06
Image Number: 177047
Caption: My baby boys' really into trains. So I bought a train bed, hand-painted in the colors of his favorite steam train. I ordered a handmade train quilt for it and got him train conductor pajamas. By the time it all arrived, he was really into monster trucks. So I sent it all back and ordered a bunch of airplane stuff. Wait - you did what? I'm getting ahead of the curve. He's not going to fool me again.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-17 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-17 Pub. Date: 2019-03-17
Image Number: 176613
Caption: Dear journalist, I am offended by your biased hit-piece condemning so-called Fake News. You wrote … some of these sites main sources seem to be their rear ends. Who are YOU to say what's fake and what's real? I don't know that your sources are any more real than my rear end. I know my rear end. I trust my rear end. you, one the other hand, are a total stranger to me. There's an old saying, doofus: Trust is in the eye of the beholder. That's actually Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Oh, I suppose one of your sources told you that? Sad! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-23 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-23 Pub. Date: 2019-01-23
Image Number: 175942
Caption: Why you always arguin' with other journalists on Twitter, bruh? It ain't a good look. They call you a useful idiot, you call them a corporate stooge, don't nobody come out on top. Before you know it, you an' Anderson Blitzer gonna be throwin' hands, or havin' a dance-battle in that alley. Wait ... he and I were having a private argument. How'd you see it? That ain't important right now. Give me back my phone!!!
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-15 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-15 Pub. Date: 2018-12-15
Image Number: 175380
Caption: This is probably the last snow of the year, Clyde. For all we know, it could be the last snow ever. Want to go out and make snowmen like we used to? Nah, bruh. You wanna know why" … 'Cause I'm a grown-@#$ man. Let the memory show the only reason I didn't get dressed and trudge out into subzero weather to dig my hands in the snow is 'cause you ruined it. Why I feel like I been set up?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-14 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-14 Pub. Date: 2018-12-14
Image Number: 175379
Caption: PhD. M.A. Couple's therapy. Tell her I'm sick and tired of her telling you to tell me things she could tell herself.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-17 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-17 Pub. Date: 2018-11-17
Image Number: 174940
Caption: I was on the bus the other day, an' two dudes got to talking 'bout bein' 5150'd. One of them said 5150 is when the police haul you in 'cause you a danger to yourself, but 5250 is when you a danger to others. Other dude said Nah, 5250 just mean they get to lock you up in a hospital longer. First dude called second one started throwin' hands. Second dude turned out to be right. The bus cop who arrested him said No, this ain't no 5250, this here a 242, I'm thinking of a getting a car.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-15 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-15 Pub. Date: 2018-10-15
Image Number: 174491
Caption: Is a journalist a journalist all the time? In other words: If I suspected an old friend was doing something shady … is it my duty as a journalist to expose it? Or is it my duty as a friend to look the other way? The latter. Definitely. No contest. Look the other way. Just to be clear, I'm not talking about you. On the other hand ...
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-27 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-27 Pub. Date: 2018-09-27
Image Number: 174194
Caption: I think my son's ready to learn a sport. Whachoo gon' teach him, Lemont? You gon' teach him to bounce the ball off his foot an' chase after it 'fore it go in the street? Or you gon' teach him to get the ball swatted out his hand when he try to shoot? Or you gon' teach him to miss the rim an' the backboard altogether? None of that has ever happened. In the same game. You gon' teach him to make his one an' only shot in the wrong basket?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-15 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-15 Pub. Date: 2018-09-15
Image Number: 173987
Caption: Can I share your fries, Clyde? Oh, so now you wanna share. Where was you when I wanted to share your cable tv line? … Or your wifi? Or your Netflix password? Or your social security number? You somehow got all that anyway. I got that one my own, Big L. That's the problem with America today: Erebody want erethang just handed to them.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-03 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-03 Pub. Date: 2018-08-03
Image Number: 173244
Caption: Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. But that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something at least.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-23 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-23 Pub. Date: 2018-06-23
Image Number: 172359
Caption: I'm an accomplished writer, Susan. I don't tiptoe around the big issues. I've won awards for that. How could they reject me? You wrote "I love you so much that when you were a toddler and you choked on your own vomit … I dug it out of your mouth with my own hand without even thinking about it ... Happy birthday. That's real love. You'd think Hallmark would know that the country's in the mood for authenticity.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-08 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-08 Pub. Date: 2018-03-08
Image Number: 169166
Caption: I had a strange day today, Susan I totally know how that is … My day was strange, too. On the one hand, I landed the Ask Sadie Radio Show account. And I got a huge bonus. On the other hand, I discovered an underground gambling ring where people bet on how many cups of coffee I'll drink my noon. It's annoying when someone pretends to sympathize with you just so she can change the subject to her. I totally know how that is ...
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-11 hand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-11 Pub. Date: 2018-02-11
Image Number: 167702
Caption: Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
     
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