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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-04 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-04 Pub. Date: 2019-12-04
Image Number: 180643
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I met a guy who said he's a professional illustrator. He said he learned everything he knows from drawing tutorials on YouTube. I said cool. So what's your job, exactly? He looked at me like I was nuts and then said I draw drawing tutorials on YouTube, of course. I think you've officially entered your old man yelling at clouds phase. Either the world's gone mad, or I have.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-25 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-25 Pub. Date: 2019-10-25
Image Number: 180024
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I think Sasha Mitchell's playing games with my feelings. Not that I have any feelings for her. I have an incredible girlfriend. What do I care that Sasha came to town, said she'd love to see me, and then when I finally agreed to have lunch with her she stood me up for another guy and then told me how great her date was? I think playing games is an understatement. I'm no kid, Susan. I don't fall for games anymore. Besides, I was up all night pondering it, and I don't think there really is another guy.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-18 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-18 Pub. Date: 2019-10-18
Image Number: 179918
Caption: What do you mean We should never try to contact aliens? You used to be all for that sort of thing. Yeah, but … you know that UFO the Pentagon admitted was spotted by the USS Nimitz? The one that darted off at unimaginable speeds and angles when our jets tried to intercept it? Joe Rogan interviewed the pilot. One of the viewers in the comments wrote This is exactly how a cat would describe the red dot. You can't let some random internet guy's post change your whole worldview, Lemont. Mister Fusion seems very wise.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-04 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-04 Pub. Date: 2019-10-04
Image Number: 179729
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! My son just started preschool. This sweet, innocent child who's seen nothing but Sesame Street … came home after the first week and started hitting us and yelling You're a bad guy! Good guys hit bad guys! Yes, yes, it's an age-old problem: The corrupting influence of his peers. Might I suggest you wrap your angel in cellophane to protect him from the world? Better yet, launch him into space, where not even the cold virus can ever reach him! He did have the sniffles.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-28 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-28 Pub. Date: 2019-09-28
Image Number: 179622
Caption: I don't want to be that guy, but … But what? Well … you notice anything about all the old tv shows they're bringing back? The Fugitive, Battlestar Gallactica, Punky Brewster, 90210 … How come nobody's talking about bringing back 227 … A Different World ... Living Single ... Family Matters ... Moesha ... Stop trying to change the subject and admit you lost that argument we had two weeks ago. Never mind. I have no problem being that guy.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-15 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-15 Pub. Date: 2019-09-15
Image Number: 179422
Caption: Hello? Hi. Could I start you with some coffee? No thanks, that might make me too excited, and I'm in a presidential debate in a few hours. I'm Patsy Milquetoast, 23rd person on the Democratic debate stage. Who? Don't you remember me from the last debate? I'm the one who took a bold stand against boldness. I thought that was that John Delaney guy, who kept saying we can't do big things. I thought John was being too confrontational when he said all that. You can't beat someone by confronting them. Um ... I hope my saying that didn't offend you ... not that there'd be anything wrong with you being offended.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-27 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-27 Pub. Date: 2019-08-27
Image Number: 179192
Caption: When's the last time you shaved, little buddy. Why do you ask? Because not all men can pull off the rugged stubble look. Stubble has to come in evenly, or you look like you've caught mange. I'd hate to be one of those guys. I'm about to hold you down and swipe at you with a straight razor, but it's as a friend.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-28 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-28 Pub. Date: 2019-07-28
Image Number: 178668
Caption: You got some money I could hold right quick? My boy Tashif Sheefy McFly Turner got arrested in Detroit, bruh. I don't know, Clyde … What'd they arrest this guy for? He was painting a mural the city hired him to paint. Naturally, the cops arrested him for vandalism. A city official came down an' told the cops what was up. So all of a sudden they arrested him for somethin' else: resisting, obstructing ... havin' a outstanding traffic ticket ... Geez ... All right, I just sent you money. I think it's great you want to bail him out. Boop boop. Bail who out? He been got out weeks ago. Thanks for the money, though, Big L. Give me back my money!
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-05 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-05 Pub. Date: 2019-05-05
Image Number: 177448
Caption: What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-28 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-28 Pub. Date: 2019-04-28
Image Number: 177382
Caption: I'll have the special. One Cat Fur Mocha, coming up. Not today's special. I can't through here back on April 9th, 2011. You had a really delicious special that day. I want that one. I can't do that, sir. Of course you can. I mean, you don't look like the kind of guy who'd like to be hit with a bait and switch lawsuit. Your sign out front says Get the special for only $8.95! It doesn't say get today's special. Get out.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-10 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-10 Pub. Date: 2019-04-10
Image Number: 177115
Caption: Remember Oleg, from junior high? I remember thinking even back then, I hate that guy. He'd run his fingers through girls' hair … rub their necks … kiss them all hello on the lips … I remember you used to say Sitcoms make very special episodes about guys like that. That's how I know anyone saying We didn't know it was wrong back then is full of it. Not everyone watched as much tv as you, Lemont.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-09 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-09 Pub. Date: 2019-04-09
Image Number: 177114
Caption: Remember Principal Pervee, from high school? I ran into him the other day. I'd forgotten all about that guy. Didn't he use to walk up behind you and sniff your hair? And didn't he use to rest his hands on your hips when he talked to you? Yeah. He wasn't the only man to do that, so I used to just sort of shrug it off, like it was to be expected. Back then, we didn't really see how wrong it was. Didn't you once accidentally spill a whole bag of sugar into old Pervee's gas tank?
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-08 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-08 Pub. Date: 2019-02-08
Image Number: 176174
Caption: boss, I'm more than just a cashier and a mopper-upper guy. What? If only you'll give me more of a decision-making rule, you'll find that I've got a lot of good ideas. Such as? I, uh … didn't really expect you to ask me right now. I sense a cash register that needs mopping.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-15 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-15 Pub. Date: 2019-01-15
Image Number: 175841
Caption: Hah! You race-baiters got owned! I read your article last week about that little black girl who got shot. How embarrassing for you. When the police said the suspect was a white man in a truck, you all wanted to talk about racism. But it turned out the real shooter was a couple of black guys. Now you're talking about guns and gangs, but not one mention of racism. It's normal to chance your focus when you get new facts. Ha! You flip-flopper. Bet you wish you hadn't made such a big deal out of a little girl getting shot.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-09 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-09 Pub. Date: 2018-12-09
Image Number: 175062
Caption: I feel like I'm always the last one to know, doc. Dr. Noodle. Back in high school, I was in a band called Foss. I showed up expecting it to be a grunge thing. I said Hey, how come I'm the only one in flannel? How come no one else is wearing Doc Martens? Where are your goatees? Turned out it was a punk band. Anyway, fast forward to 2018: I run into a couple of the guys and we start to reminisce. I asked What ever happened to Beto? Turns out he became a politician. They all knew it. I was the last to know. Again. It's like I'm the universe's afterthought. You're talking about Beto O'Rourke? The one who just ran for Senate? Yeah. How'd he do? When's he get sworn in?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-18 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-18 Pub. Date: 2018-06-18
Image Number: 172354
Caption: What ever happened with the Canardville refugees? What? I thought you were covering that story. I was. But at the last second I had to fly to Singapore to cover the summit between the President and North Korea's leader. You know they had a private meeting before the public one? Sometimes I can't believe this is my life, Susan. I was just the shy kid from the wrong side of the tracks. Now I'm the guy hiding in potted plants reporting on the secret meeting between two powerful leaders. Wait ... what? I never in a million years thought I'd be in Singapore.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-13 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-13 Pub. Date: 2018-06-13
Image Number: 172214
Caption: Armstrong told me to get all our regulars to show up. What for, you miserable dork? Tap tap tap tap tap. I'm not supposed to tell people what a horrible calamity's about to strike. He said not to panic anyone if I care about them … Well played, cretin. I just texted what I told you to the guy who audited me.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-15 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-15 Pub. Date: 2018-05-15
Image Number: 171502
Caption: So … Clyde and I were playing basketball when all of a sudden four other guys showed up and asked if they could join in. So we started choosing up teams, and all of a sudden I got all nervous and anxious. I'm a grown man. I have a son. A career. But all of a sudden I was right back in second grade hoping I wouldn't be the last to be picked. Is that why Clyde asked me how my emergency vasectomy went? I had to think of some reason to get out of there.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-24 guy 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-24 Pub. Date: 2018-04-24
Image Number: 170820
Caption: Starbucks HQ. The CEO will me with you in five minutes, Mr. Brown. Good. Say, what do you think of your stores in Philly and LA calling cops and security on black guys who ask to use the john? I really can't say, sir. Why don't you wait in the lounge? We've got a vending machine with coffee. No, thanks. Say, where's your restroom? Whachoo in for, freshmeat? Will you stop calling me that.
     
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