| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-02-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-02-09 |
| Image Number: |
181586 |
| Caption: |
I blame my cousin. Dr. Noodle. My mom never let me have the latest anything. When I was little, she didn't buy me a Rubik's Cube, she gave me an old brick. She said it was a family tradition, a toy passed down for generations. She made me wear hand-me-down clothes, first worn by my great-grandmother in the 1890s. I was the only kid in class wearing a bustle. My mom is why I can't stand old things. Everything I have, everything I do has to be brand new. I don't understand. Why, then, do you blame your cousin? Blaming the mom has been done since forever.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-02-09) |
Image #181586 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-02-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-02-01 |
| Image Number: |
181485 |
| Caption: |
Reverend Wilfred said there won't be any more meat at the church barbecues. He said he received a new calling to lead the entire congregation to a healthier lifestyle. Deacon Malaki stood up and yelled But meat is healthy. and our digestive tract more closely resembles carnivores than herbivores, so we're meant to eat meat! Sigh ... This is a tale as old as religion. I'm thinking of checking out the new Church of Malaki. It smells great.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-02-01) |
Image #181485 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-01-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-01-01 |
| Image Number: |
181017 |
| Caption: |
And you know how else we've come full circle since the last twenties? A wave of authoritarianism was washing over the world, and Americans didn't seem to care. A love of Americans even admired the dictators. This @#$% right here is why I kicked you out of my new year's party. My recitation of Charlie Chaplin's famous speech from The Great Dictator, moved everyone so much they were speechless.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-01-01) |
Image #181017 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-12-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-12-27 |
| Image Number: |
180958 |
| Caption: |
Haven't you ever heard that Luck is just preparation meeting opportunity? Of course. Consider this: Soaring stock market … trade wars using tariffs … environmental collapse … high personal debt … deregulation … Democracies falling into tyranny … Don't you see, Rosencrantz? We are once again in the Roaring Twenties. Conditions are ripe for another Great Depression. Tyrone, I still don't think you can declare yourself King of the Dispossessed. I have been preparing for this moment for decades.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-12-27) |
Image #180958 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-12-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-12-25 |
| Image Number: |
180956 |
| Caption: |
Rosencrantz, did you enjoy your Christmas gift? I chose it personally, months ago, because I knew it would suit you. What are you talking about? You didn't give me anything, Tyrone. Exactly. Therefore you won't shave to worry about it breaking or being stolen. I have given you freedom from worry. That is the greatest gift anyone can give. I want to exchange it.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-12-25) |
Image #180956 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-12-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-12-09 |
| Image Number: |
180765 |
| Caption: |
Remember that argument we had a couple weeks ago, Lemont? Well … I forgive you. Forgiveness is a great thing. But do you ever get the feeling some people use I forgive you as a torpedo? It's the ultimate sneaky weapon. It can appear magnanimous while at the same time being very condescending. Bless your heart. See?! You're doing it again!!
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-12-09) |
Image #180765 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-25 |
| Image Number: |
180024 |
| Caption: |
What's wrong, Lemont? I think Sasha Mitchell's playing games with my feelings. Not that I have any feelings for her. I have an incredible girlfriend. What do I care that Sasha came to town, said she'd love to see me, and then when I finally agreed to have lunch with her she stood me up for another guy and then told me how great her date was? I think playing games is an understatement. I'm no kid, Susan. I don't fall for games anymore. Besides, I was up all night pondering it, and I don't think there really is another guy.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-10-25) |
Image #180024 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-24 |
| Image Number: |
180023 |
| Caption: |
Oh my God I went on the greatest date today! He took me to a rose garden. Um … Sasha … Tap tap tap t- Did you mistakenly send that to ME? Was if meant for someone else? Tap tap tap tap tap t- Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. No. For you. I hadn't planned on dating, but I figured it would be a good way to get to know your city, Sunshine. Have you ever heard of Yelp?! He and I aren't serious. Yet.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-10-24) |
Image #180023 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-06 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-06 |
| Image Number: |
179724 |
| Caption: |
The American people are so happy that we have the greatest president of all time! Sure, some libs hate him, but the American people laugh at those losers! LOLOLOLOL! The American people are 100% behind our POTUS! What're you doing, auditioning for the role of Suckup who posts fawning replies every single time the President tweets? Heh-heh ... Heh ... You know they have bots for that, right? *@#$! automation is ruining everything!
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-10-06) |
Image #179724 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-04 |
| Image Number: |
178780 |
| Caption: |
Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. Doctor's orders. I thought you might say that. That's why I brought along my doctor. He can attest that I'm perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. Mortimer Park is perfectly healthy and can tolerate vast quantities of caffeine. His bones are strong, his blood pressure is dandy, and he's got the pancreas of a man half his age. Give my patient a quadruple espresso, stat!!! You're a great ventriloquist, but your aim is lousy.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-08-04) |
Image #178780 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-28 |
| Image Number: |
178668 |
| Caption: |
You got some money I could hold right quick? My boy Tashif Sheefy McFly Turner got arrested in Detroit, bruh. I don't know, Clyde … What'd they arrest this guy for? He was painting a mural the city hired him to paint. Naturally, the cops arrested him for vandalism. A city official came down an' told the cops what was up. So all of a sudden they arrested him for somethin' else: resisting, obstructing ... havin' a outstanding traffic ticket ... Geez ... All right, I just sent you money. I think it's great you want to bail him out. Boop boop. Bail who out? He been got out weeks ago. Thanks for the money, though, Big L. Give me back my money!
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-07-28) |
Image #178668 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-27 |
| Image Number: |
178674 |
| Caption: |
Boss, I've got a new idea. I think it'll double - no, triple - our sales. Not again. No, hear me out. This one's great. You know how we've been trying to figure out a way to keep customers from going to Coffee King? Yes. We've paid sweatshops in Foreignvania to post negative Yelp reviews ... We've planted rats in their kitchen ... and we've besmirched their name in many ways. Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them? Where's the fun in that.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-07-27) |
Image #178674 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-14 |
| Image Number: |
178556 |
| Caption: |
According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-07-14) |
Image #178556 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-06-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-06-30 |
| Image Number: |
178274 |
| Caption: |
I'm unpoor! You're what? You're looking at an employed man. After seven years of unemployment, I just got a job at Walmart. It pays slightly more than minimum wage. Congrats. The first thing I'm going to do with my newfound wealth is buy a new pair of boxers. I haven't bought a new pair of boxers since 2012. America is great again, baby!
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-06-30) |
Image #178274 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-06-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-06-02 |
| Image Number: |
177793 |
| Caption: |
I've noticed a 25.9% uptick in impeachment talk among the patrons. I hadn't noticed. I've also noticed your complete and utter failure to depict those talking about it as sore losers … As delusional, evil, insane cretins having temper tantrums. So what if my disgraced former lawyer says he bribed the city council on my behalf to forbid any cafes but mine within city limits? What about the phenomenal job growth I've caused? I now employ you, a Roomba and, allegedly, nine out of ten city council members. Now get out there and pit our patrons against one another by declaring this witch hunt to be an illegal coup. And remind them you can't impeach a cafe owner for creating a great underground economy. Very bad man.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-06-02) |
Image #177793 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-18 |
| Image Number: |
177625 |
| Caption: |
Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-05-18) |
Image #177625 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-05 |
| Image Number: |
177448 |
| Caption: |
What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-05-05) |
Image #177448 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-02-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-02-21 |
| Image Number: |
176394 |
| Caption: |
I looked up that Ralph Waldo Emerson quote. He said … To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment. I wonder if he'd have said that if he hadn't died in 1882. I'm not sure marching to the beat of one's own drummer is as great an accomplishment as walking on the moon, for instance. Shhh. Gilligan Island be on.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-02-21) |
Image #176394 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-02-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-02-14 |
| Image Number: |
176284 |
| Caption: |
I read your article. You wrote We should always be skeptical of the judgment of history's great people if they were ok with slavery. You're such an ignoramus. You can't judge people from the past by today's standards. Y'know, plenty of people in the past were not ok with slavery. Yeah, right. Like who? The slaves. They don't count. They were biased.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-02-14) |
Image #176284 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-02-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-02-02 |
| Image Number: |
176036 |
| Caption: |
Akron, OH, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I never signed up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When Great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth hear attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-02-02) |
Image #176036 |
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