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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-12-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-12-07 |
| Image Number: |
175266 |
| Caption: |
I read your article about Thanksgiving. Great. I think it's shameful you would somehow find fault with the Pilgrims and the brave settlers who founded the greatest nation on earth. My family came over on a boat to forge a mighty and wonderful nation and I don't appreciate you badmouthing them. Your family came over on a boat? On it, under it ... same difference.
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-11-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-11-18 |
| Image Number: |
174714 |
| Caption: |
It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-10-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-10-07 |
| Image Number: |
174190 |
| Caption: |
House of Java Café. Grand Opening. I come from a long line of warriors. Women from my family have served in all 49 World Wars. There were only two. You don't think the first world war was fought in 1914, do you? Let's take for instance, the so-called Seven Years War ... The year was 1750: My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie dared a Frenchman to build a house in the British Ohio River Valley ... yadda yadda yadda, all the world's great powers ended up fighting across five different continents. We've served similarly in every world war dating back to the epic struggle between the allied dinosaurs and the axis of invertebrates. Admit it: There've been more than just two world wars. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong. Ok. I was wrong. Loser! He's a loser! The loser admits it! Can't win.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-07-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-07-10 |
| Image Number: |
172713 |
| Caption: |
Meanwhie, refugees from Canardville are making the most of it. Boss, I got your memo about these refugee blankets. Good. How many of them have we sold? None. We don't own them, Armstrong. WE can't sell what we don't own. Have I taught you nothing? A good businessman sells what he owns. A great businessman sells what he doesn't yet own and uses the loot to either buy it or flee to Cameroon. That doesn't sound right. Fine - Russia then. |
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-06-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-06-04 |
| Image Number: |
172068 |
| Caption: |
Has it occurred to you, Rosencrantz, that we are never there? Wherever we are at any given moment is but a rest stop on a journey form where we were to where we are headed. All of existence is in motion. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some great being would put its finger on existence and bring it to a halt. Even the great finger could not remain there forever, for the finger is always on a journey to somewhere else. I sense this thesis is about to go sideways, Tyrone.
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-04-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-04-21 |
| Image Number: |
170579 |
| Caption: |
Yes it's small, and yes it may smell of tuna … but it's a great investment property. I've already got it booked solid the entire month of April on AirBnB. The end.
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-24 |
| Image Number: |
169631 |
| Caption: |
So how was your week, Susan? So-so. I brought in a huge client. And then we lost a different one. I met a great guy. And the next morning I met his girlfriend. I found a perfect parking spot. And then I got a parking ticket. I finally had time to read a novel I'd been dying to read. But it turned out to be horrible. Forget I asked. Someone finally asked me how my week went, but ...
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-23 |
| Image Number: |
169630 |
| Caption: |
I don't believe in it anyway, Rosencrantz. In what, Tyrone? In better. My existence is what it is. And it is not what it is not. Who is to day that having shelter is better than having freedom? Who's to say that having health care is better than experiencing all of life's maladies to their greatest extent? Who is to say that being numbed to it all buy the comforts of the modern world is better than reveling in the unrelenting torment of raw existence? Whatever. I still demand that you return my pillow.
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-21 |
| Image Number: |
169628 |
| Caption: |
Is it all just a waste of time? I don't know what you mean, bruh. I wrote an article called Mr. President, if you want to look like you're Russia's stooge, firing your Secretary of State right after he strongly criticizes Russia is a great way to do it. Just seconds after I posted it, thousands of people attacked me on Twitter, and I've been debating them ever since. But now I'm not sure any of them were actual people. If they was actual people, they'da tuned you out after that long-@#$ headline, like I did.
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-19 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-19 |
| Image Number: |
169626 |
| Caption: |
I was listening to the radio this morning. They were talking about the Great Recession. Remember how Congress regulated the financial industry after the Great Recession to help ensure it wouldn't happen again? It's worked for almost eight whole years, so now Congress figures Well, that's enough of that. On the bright side, the recovery was so slow that I still have nothing to lose when the Great Recession II happens.
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-02-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-02-11 |
| Image Number: |
167702 |
| Caption: |
Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-01-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-01-14 |
| Image Number: |
166587 |
| Caption: |
I was walking along the sidewalk minding my own business … Dr Noodle … when a cop stopped me and ticketed me for walking without a driver's license. Then he took me to jail and held me there for seven hours. May lawyer found out he's done this before, almost always to black pedestrians. I tried really hard to understand why he does that. I thought "maybe he's just incompetent. Maybe he's emasculated at home so he overcompensates at work. Maybe he was trained to do this and so it's not his fault. Maybe the Mandela Effect is real and he came from an alternate universe where walking without a driver's license actually is illegal. People often go to great lengths to avoid noticing this particular elephant in the room. I'm told it's awfully rude to accuse people who do racist things of being racist.
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-01-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-01-08 |
| Image Number: |
167089 |
| Caption: |
How was your New Years? Great. This year, I was designated good guy with a gun. You know how every year, bozos all over America fire off their semi-automatic rifles into the air to ring in the new year? Well, the NRA has a hotline for that. You call it, they send out a good guy with a gun to blast all those bullets out of the sky before they can come back down on you and your kids ... You're joking, right? Of course I'm joking. Everyone knows those bullets don't come back down.
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-12-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-12-04 |
| Image Number: |
165703 |
| Caption: |
Trump's FCC is about to kill "net neutrality." That means internet service providers can slow down or even block sites they don't want customers to see. Take Concast Cable, for instance. They could put Netflix, Hulu and Amazon on a separate "premium tier." They could slow sites like mind down so much no one will bother reading them. I still don't understand why you posted an article about how great Concast's logo is. It's to make up for that time I wrote a 48-part expose of their horrible business practices. Dios mio.
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-11-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-11-27 |
| Image Number: |
165417 |
| Caption: |
How's your mom, Lemont? She's great. That's good, that's good. How 'bout mentally? She's not forgetting your name … not forgetting how she got to your house … not calling you "Delfina"? Um … how's your mom, Susan? Fine, nothing's wrong. At all. Susan … you know you can tell me anything. "Anything." ... Yeah, you were right. Well, gotta go.
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-11-19 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-11-19 |
| Image Number: |
164467 |
| Caption: |
Great-looking hair, made easy. Just dye. We now return to our program. How much time do I have to save the kitten, bring Timmy his inhaler, and defuse the nuclear bomb? You have a lot less time than you did before you started that sentence. We'll be back after these messages ... I'm rally psyched Little Tyrant Pizza's bringing the flavor with its new pecan guacamole dipping sauce! A guy, a beach, a skateboard. A girl bouncing in slow motion. And these corn chips that have nothing to do with any of that. Buy them. Six other commercials that go on so long that you don't remember what show you're watching. Going back to Netflixing everything. And now back to our show ... What were we doing? Defusing something or other, I think.
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-10-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-10-29 |
| Image Number: |
163801 |
| Caption: |
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one in the office who notices the boss is a moron. Dr Noodle. Well … is he a moron? Certifiably. I even looked up the definition to be sure. A "moron" is defines as "a stupid person." So then I looked up "stupid" just to be sure. It means "having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense." I see you've given this a lot of thought. Yeah. Problem is, the last time he displayed his dingbattery I lose my temper and said "moron" out loud. The cretin heard about it. So to cover my behind, I had everyone gather around me and I praised him effusively. I laid it on thick, really buttered him up. Any intelligent person would have seen right through that. But your boss bought it. Instantly! See? Moron! How come no one else at works sees it?
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-10-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-10-14 |
| Image Number: |
163633 |
| Caption: |
When I was four, Rosencrantz, I was convinced the world only existed when I was looking at it. A blank expanse of nothingness lurked beyond every corner, until I rounded it and my mind brought another vista into being. Imagine my shock and my jealousy when, decades later, the scientist Robert Lanza proposed the very same idea, to great acclaim. But then I remembered that Robert Lanza didn't exist until I conjured him from the ether, so the acclaim belongs to me after all. Wouldn't it belong to whoever conjured you?
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-10-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-10-11 |
| Image Number: |
163630 |
| Caption: |
Bruh, you gotta stop writing about "Star Track Discovery." Don't nobody like it. Get over it. "Trek." And it's a great show! It's just a vocal minority online that keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to hate it. They decided long before they ever saw it was gonna be horrible, and now they just don't want to be wrong. It's textbook case of confirmation bias! I knew you wasn't gonna make no sense, an' I was right.
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-09-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-09-13 |
| Image Number: |
162599 |
| Caption: |
Remember that argument we had a couple weeks ago, Lemont? Well … I forgive you. Forgiveness is a great thing. But do you ever get the feeling some people use "I forgive you" as a torpedo? It's the ultimate sneaky weapon. It can appear magnanimous while at the same time being very condescending. Bless your heart. See?! You're doing it again!!
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