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Candorville

Comics about things that are grand .

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Result page:     (15 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-31 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-31 Pub. Date: 2019-03-31
Image Number: 176810
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening! What are you so happy about? What? Oh … I was just remembering my carefree, swinging bachelor days … and how I'm so glad they're long gone, sweetie-pudding. Attention! Berating session will not commence! Please, no! I'm thrilled to be stuck with you, I swear!
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-28 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-28 Pub. Date: 2018-10-28
Image Number: 174529
Caption: I hope we never terraform Mars. House of Java Café. Grand Opening. Why not, Randy? Because, if we gave Mars oxygen and air pressure, we wouldn't need space suits. If we gave Mars trees and oceans, it wouldn't be one big desert anymore. There's just something sexy about driving a dune buggy across a desert planet with only half an inch of space helmet separating you from certain death. Also, if we give it a magnetic field, we wouldn't be bombarded by radiation. Ok ... I'll bite ... what's bad about not being bombarded by radiation? Isn't it obvious? When you look at me, little buddy, you're looking at the pinnacle of human evolution. But my line has taken us as far as possible. I come from a long line of Randies. I've traced my lineage all the way back to a romantic primate named Randy Erectus. He was the first hominid to get up off his knuckles and stand up straight, and that as just in response to a beautiful sunset. Imagine what my genes would do in response to a huge dose of radiation? You really should have your own science show.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-18 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-18 Pub. Date: 2018-10-18
Image Number: 174494
Caption: Hey boss, grand opening's a big hit. Almost all the patrons from the old café are here, plus some new ones. What do you mean almost all the old patrons? Who's missing? I want that traitor tracked down an dealt with. Call my contact at ICE. They've got ways. They'll disguise themselves as altar boys and wait in his church ... They'll hide in the slurpee machine at his favorite 7-Eleven. they'll call and say they found his wallet and then cage him when he surfaces. ICE doesn't play around. They could probably haul him here in time for customer appreciation hour. Very bad man.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-17 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-17 Pub. Date: 2018-10-17
Image Number: 174493
Caption: You wanted to see me, boss? House of Java Café. Grand Opening! That's right, minion. My sources tell me a journalist has been looking into your new café's financing. My café? What do you mean? This is your café. Well, it is now, after you sold it to me for $1. but before that, you bought this building using money funneled to you through a shell company traced back to a Russian oligarch ... That's what the paper trail will show, anyway. How could you? Should've known he would never have given me that dollar without strings attached.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-16 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-16 Pub. Date: 2018-10-16
Image Number: 174492
Caption: Rudy Park, my college roommate, sent me an evite to the grand opening of his new café. The zoning board declined to comment. So I filed a Freedom of Information Act request. Turns out the building was rezoned in the dead of night to permit a café, just hours after a huge payment from sources unknown landed in the zoning commissioner's 3-year-old son's savings account. Should I write the expose before I give Rudy a cafe-warming gift ... or after? Remind me never to send you and evite. What's the etiquette?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-07 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-07 Pub. Date: 2018-10-07
Image Number: 174190
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening. I come from a long line of warriors. Women from my family have served in all 49 World Wars. There were only two. You don't think the first world war was fought in 1914, do you? Let's take for instance, the so-called Seven Years War ... The year was 1750: My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie dared a Frenchman to build a house in the British Ohio River Valley ... yadda yadda yadda, all the world's great powers ended up fighting across five different continents. We've served similarly in every world war dating back to the epic struggle between the allied dinosaurs and the axis of invertebrates. Admit it: There've been more than just two world wars. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong. Ok. I was wrong. Loser! He's a loser! The loser admits it! Can't win.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-06 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-06 Pub. Date: 2018-06-06
Image Number: 172070
Caption: I heard a loud, mysterious boom last night, Tyrone. As have people all over the world, Rosencrantz. Earthquakes where there should be none. Loud booms of unascertained origin. The masses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the earth itself. Or ... it could be that when you thought me asleep, you donned ballet shoes, crept to the middle of the alley and began twirling and dancing and accidentally leapt a grand jete into the dumpster ... it could've been that. What a man does in an alley, stays in the alley.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-22 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-22 Pub. Date: 2015-05-22
Image Number: 127175
Caption: I'm sorry, Clyde. Whachoo talkin' 'bout? Yesterday I accused you of stealing my wallet, ordering $800 worth of junk from Amazon, and lying about it. I cussed at you, threw a drink in your face, and called your momma a Sasquatch. Turns out it was my baby boy who took my wallet and went on Amazon. I'm so proud of him! He's only two and he already knows how to order 57 bags of rabbit food. Oh, oh, oh. So when he take yo' wallet, it's cute. When I take it, it's "grand larceny."
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-09 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-09 Pub. Date: 2011-10-09
Image Number: 66121
Caption: Dr. Noodle. I earn as much as my brother, and he just bought a house. So I tried to buy one too only to find out I can't, because I'm self-employed. And lenders now won't give a mortgage because all my legitimate business deductions make it look like my income is a lot smaller than it really is. So I have two choices. Give up my business and get a full-time job, or stop taking deductions and owe the IRS $20 grand. Hmmm ... I see. Or I can get a cosigner. Well, it appears our time is up. It's only been two minutes. Speaking of which, how's your credit score?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-04-06 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-04-06 Pub. Date: 2010-04-06
Image Number: 45965
Caption: Sir, there's gotta be a better way to save $150 grand than replacing our political satirist … … with a syndicated humor column from North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. Humor is humor. What's it matter where it comes from? "A duck and a South Korean spy walk into North Korea. The spy says to the duck, "Why were we caught and imprisoned?" ... The duck says "Because you didn't duck." I fail to see the problem.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-04-05 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-04-05 Pub. Date: 2010-04-05
Image Number: 45958
Caption: The Candorville Chronicle. Perry White meets with an ACME syndicate salesman. Sorry, we already have a political satirist. Sage Blithely is local! He's funny! Insightful! Relevant! Has his finger on the pulse of our community! … And you pay him $150 grand per year. We can give you a weekly humor column by North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il for $5. An nyoung ha seh ho. You speak Korean? For $150 grand, I'll speak Klingon.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-04 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-04 Pub. Date: 2009-09-04
Image Number: 38001
Caption: I ain't never told nobody this, Big L, but … one time … I wanted to kill myself too. (Sniffle) you did? Yeh, an' it was over a woman. She was e'rething to me. When she left, it was like my world got ripped away from me. I was empty. I didn't know who I was no more. But you know what kept me going? Grand larceny? YEAH! See you gotta just remember what you good at, an' do it!
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-11-14 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-11-14 Pub. Date: 2007-11-14
Image Number: 19374
Caption: Daddy, Lemont calls me "Cruella De Vil," isn't it grand? Oh, Lem-lem, it means so much to me that your pet name for me is the hero from "One Hundred and One Dalmations." Hero? Oh, she was so tragically misunderstood. She tried to make coats out of puppies! Yes, yes, she'd have preserved their beauty forever.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-04-11 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-04-11 Pub. Date: 2007-04-11
Image Number: 16749
Caption: Kate, how's the latest patient the White House sent over? Worse than we thought, Doctor. It's not just amnesia, she also has aphasia. She has trouble compre-hending regular language. Watch… Ma'am, this presentation we found in your purse is called "How to ille-gally help the GOP take back Congress." That could mean anything. If only we'd gotten to her earlier.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2005-09-28 grand 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2005-09-30 Pub. Date: 2005-09-28
Image Number: 11773
Caption: Excuse me, I'm with the press. I'm here to interview survivors of Hurricane Katrina. What paper you with? The Candorville Courier. It's a blog - an online journal of information and opinion. Blogs are just as legitimate as newspapers and TV. I know. Here's your pass. Sure, some bloggers misstate facts. But how is that any different from Fox News or CNN, in the grand scheme of things? I said, here's your pass. If a journalist pricks a blogger, doth the blogger not bleed?
     
Result page:     (15 images)