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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-31 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-31 Pub. Date: 2019-07-31
Image Number: 178783
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? Are America's best days behind us? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in grade school when the schoolmarm told little Jebediah Thistlewood to pull up his knickers. The next day, Jebediah's pa came to school and said In my day, a man was free enough to wear his trousers 'round his ankles if he wanted to. This used to be one humdinger of a country. I still have no idea what he was talking about. I don't even remember what I asked you.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-06 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-06 Pub. Date: 2019-06-06
Image Number: 177955
Caption: I heard about how the police raided your home office, took your computers an' whatnot. Yeah. I wrote an article about police abuse of power based info a source leaked to me. You never shoulda did that, bruh. What was you thinking? I was thinking this was America. That's fake news.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-09 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-09 Pub. Date: 2019-02-09
Image Number: 176175
Caption: What's that? It's my second published book. It's call The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at My Local Café and Spends all His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet. It's just a bunch of empty pated. I know. Very meta, right?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-04 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-04 Pub. Date: 2019-02-04
Image Number: 176170
Caption: I've seen an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes. What on earth are you talking about, little buddy? I watched more than 80 movies last night on Hulu, for free. Are you talking about trailers? When it shows the beginning, middle and end, it's a movie.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-30 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-30 Pub. Date: 2018-12-30
Image Number: 175374
Caption: Your suggestion didn't work, Susan. Thinking about baseball should have worked. Did you do it right? What do you mean? Did you think of the boring, repetitive parts? I tried. I thought about the batter swinging the bat around in the on-deck circle … The runners going around and around the diamond ... the batters swinging and almost always missing ... But instead of distracting me, it relaxed me. It wasn't boring, Susan. It was rhythmic. Baseball is a Zen-like experience that puts you into a trance. It frees the mind and makes it easier ... not harder ... for your mind to wander where you don't want it to go ... so it didn't stop me from wondering who's going to run for president in 2020. Ok, plan B: Try doing long division in your head.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-11 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-11 Pub. Date: 2018-07-11
Image Number: 172714
Caption: In the refugee detention center. Pardon me, sir, when are we to be set free? BACK, MEAT. "Meat"?! I'll have you know I was wearing fatigues and slogging across Europe for Uncle Sam before your daddy was spawned! A LITTLE RESPECT, SIR! You're right. Back, MR. Meat. That's better.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-16 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-16 Pub. Date: 2018-06-16
Image Number: 172217
Caption: This just in: A massive sinkhole just opened across the bridge in a suburb of Candorville. The ent … Click. One structure was spared obliteration: A local café that had advertised that one of its muffins contained a free-gas-for-life card. The entire town was there ... Click. Candorville's mayor, Ronald Thump, has closed the bridge, preventing sinkhole refugees from reaching. Click ... Gilligaaaan, the Skipper tooo ... the millionaire ... mun mun mun -
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-29 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-29 Pub. Date: 2018-04-29
Image Number: 170626
Caption: I read your article called We Still Have Slavery in America. What a load of nonsense. Everyone knows our dear, sweet and wonderful Congress abolished slavery with the thirteenth amendment. That's right. But that same 13th amendment says Except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly connected. Trump calls mass incarceration "good start". Black and brown people are stopped more often, and convicted more harshly than white people who've done that same stuff, our prisons are mostly black and brown. They force these people to work. Sometimes for next to nothing. But often for nothing at all. They lease convicts out to work in mines, to pick cotton on farms, to sew lingerie, to build weapons of war, and if they refuse to work for free, they're punished. Yeah, well ... slavery was in the 19th century. This is the 21st, ipso facto, it can't be slavery. Haven't you wondered why they've sent millions and millions to prison for smoking the wrong plant?
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-15 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-15 Pub. Date: 2018-03-15
Image Number: 169396
Caption: In other news, there seems to be a blue wave coming, as Democrats continue to win surprising victories in heavily Republican districts. Just across the bridge in Canardville, for instance, Republican Congressman Snidely Perfidious has held his seat for 40 years. He's not running 10 points behind a 90-year-old veteran-turned-peace-activist who advocates Medicare for all, free college, and mandatory veganism. Cool. Maybe I'll be able to see a doctor someday. I don't know, bruh ... The Congress we got is pretty bad. But so is broccoli.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-25 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-25 Pub. Date: 2018-02-25
Image Number: 168231
Caption: I'm not entirely sure I'm conscious, doc. It occurred to me last night, I am not an individual. I am a colony of 32 trillion individual living cells. Dr. Noodle … each of which lives, breathes, performs tasks, and quite possibly considers itself to be a conscious individual with free will. The thought reminded me of when I was in the army. Each of us was an individual cell focused on an individual task ... but before we knew it, because of the decisions made unbeknownst to any of us grunts ... the body of us, the colony we all comprised ... had marched across Europe, and swum across the Pacific, and liberated half the world ... maybe I prescribed you a little too much Cannabis. You may think you thought that thought, but you're just an antibody reflexively protecting the colony.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-08 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-08 Pub. Date: 2017-11-08
Image Number: 164651
Caption: What do you mean you're not shocked that the president's chief of staff is glorifying the confederacy? Google the third stanza of the "Star-Spangled Banner," bruh. "No refuge could save the hireling and slave from the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave ... " Whachoocall a country that sing "freedom" songs 'bout how it killed runaway slaves who was fighting with the British to get they freedom? Google is so divisive.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-07 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-07 Pub. Date: 2017-11-07
Image Number: 164650
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the president's chief of staff, John Kelly, said Robert E. Lee was an "honorable man." So what if Robert E. Lee was a cruel, slave-beating, family separating white supremacist traitor who even kidnapped free black Pennsylvanians and brought them to the south as property? John Kelly's right, we can't judge people from back then by what people today think is right and wrong. Y'know, a lot of people thought it was wrong "back then." That's why there was a war. I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-06 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-06 Pub. Date: 2017-11-06
Image Number: 164649
Caption: The president's chief of staff, General John Kelly, was right: the Civil War happened 'cause the country did not compromise. Say what? Maybe they should've tried … oh, I don't know … splitting the difference and saying black people were worth 3/5ths of a person. Or maybe they should've admitted a slave state for every new free state admitted or maybe Lincoln should've just offered to limit slavery's expansion instead of ending it. Or maybe they should've passed some sort of "Fugitive Slave Act." I hate "Sarcasm Monday"! I'm glad the White House is filled with people who really know your history.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-16 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-16 Pub. Date: 2017-09-16
Image Number: 162602
Caption: Everyone goes through this at one time or another, Lemont. It's important not to worry about what other people think of you, if you know you're doing the right thing. It's important to get to a place of self-confidence. Self-assurance. Peace. Whatever. I still think your new "get your 10th psychosis treated free" punchcards make you look tacky. And yet I'm at peace with that.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-22 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-22 Pub. Date: 2017-07-22
Image Number: 160506
Caption: You know why most political comic strips are leftist? Tell me. Sponsorship. There's no product-placement allowed. So there's no financial incentive to sell out to the big corporations. So political strips are free to talk about how Mansanto loves us. How big pharma over-loves us. How the oil industry is loves us, etc. Because one of those corporate friends can advertise in comic strips. But they advertise in newspapers, right? Doesn't matter. Editors and publishers don't ever read the comics.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-16 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-16 Pub. Date: 2017-07-16
Image Number: 159772
Caption: Cool shirt. You gonna watch the new Star Trek tv show? No way! It's a horrible show and it's going to fail! What? Why? All the angriest people on the internet agree with me. It looks to much like J.J. Abrams' J.J. - Trek nonsense … It's a scam to distract from CBS suing fan film creators ... O ... K ... it looks too advanced to be a prequel, the bridge is on the bottom of the saucer and not the top, the Klingons look stupid ... O ... K ... I guess I can ... There are too many minorities on it ... it's on CBS All Access instead of on broadcast or Netflix ... Wait ... What?! I shouldn't have to pay $6 month and watch it where they want me to watch it. They should give it to me how I want it! Didn't you just get all racist for a second? It should be free. It shouldn't force "diversity" down my throat. I should be able to see it on the channel I want to see it on. There! Right there! You just did it again!
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-02 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-02 Pub. Date: 2017-07-02
Image Number: 159209
Caption: You ever think maybe the world would've been better off if we'd lost the Revolutionary War? Seriously? You gonna say that right before the Fourth of July? It's just a thought experiment. You scared of thought experiments? C-Dog ain't scared of nothin'. All right. Let's say France never helped us win the revolution. We'd have lost. Britain probably still would've freed the slaves in 1833, so ... No civil war. No backlash to reconstruction, so ... no KKK. France wouldn't have drowned in debt. Their monarchy would've lasted longer, so ... no Napoleon. No Napoleon, no threat uniting German nationalists, so ... no World War I or II ... no Hitler. No Manifest Destiny, so no genocide of Native Americans. The UK wouldn't have turned to the Middle East and Africa to replace its lost holdings, so ... no carving up the Ottoman Empire, no chaos in the Middle East, and no ISIS. Bruh ... if you don't wanna loan me $20 for fireworks, just say so. We'd probably still have black licorice. No getting around that.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-18 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-18 Pub. Date: 2017-06-18
Image Number: 158658
Caption: I read your article bashing Congressman Thugman for assaulting a reporter, you'd better watch your back, Leroy. Lemont. Whatever. You should change your name to "Enemy of the American People." Trump said so, and he's right. How was he right? There's nothing more American than a free press. Read the first amendment. The press is enshrined in the Constitution! Journalists report being beaten, arrested. Oh yeah? Well, the so-called "Constitution" also enshrined slavery. Yeah, but then the Constitution abolished slavery, with the 13th amendment. Exactly. It's crazy for you to defend yourself with a document that can't even make up its mind. No wonder they're body-slamming you guys now. I'm starting to think you'll say anything just to win an argument. That's my first amendment right. Why do you hate the Constitution?
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-21 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-21 Pub. Date: 2017-05-21
Image Number: 157604
Caption: I'm tired of people complaining about how the coral reefs have pretty much died off. I mean yeah, a huge variety of fish and other sealife rely on the coral reefs. And yeah, about 500 million people in turn depend on that sealife for food, jobs and recreation. But it's not mankind's fault those sea creatures decided to sponge off the hard work of the polyps that made all the coral. Wait ... what? ... and it's not our fault that 500 million people didn't think ahead and get real jobs instead of sponging off welfare fish. Besides, marine habitats are something better left to private industry. If the fish really want vast expanses of underwater limestone shelters, let them buy it on the free market like the rest of us. Besides, I was just wasting my time with all those snorkeling vacations. I should've been working. You're just trying to make yourself feel better. Newsweak.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-16 free 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-16 Pub. Date: 2017-05-16
Image Number: 158077
Caption: Lemont, we have need of you. What the -- Color-blinded. I am the harbinger, I'm … Here to warn me about a calamity threatening the entire multiverse. DC Comics' "Crisis on Infinite Earths," 1985. Oh … wait … this must be Earth Prime, where heroes only exist ... Heroes only exist as comic book characters or as dreams. Anyway, why are you in my dream? I was due to testify before Congress about President Trump's Russia ties, but Trump fired me. So I have some free time.
     
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