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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-12 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-12 Pub. Date: 2019-02-12
Image Number: 176282
Caption: I wrote about your hatred for Aristotle in my latest column. You did what? I asked Is a genius still a genius if he believed some people are just naturally inferior and should be slaves? Is it wrong to go on celebrating a person's contributions if that person turns out to be detestable? You didn't use my name in this article, did you? I'm pretty sure my article was the first time in history Aristotle appeared in the same sentence with R. Kelly.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-21 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-21 Pub. Date: 2018-10-21
Image Number: 174386
Caption: Ask Sadie. Our resident 90-something-year-old radio pundit Sadie Cohen answers actual reader questions. AS away at asksadieshow@gmail.com (if you're sure you want the answer). Dear Sadie, I have to give a speech. When I stand up in front of people to talk, my palms get sweaty, my stomach hurts, and I suddenly have to use the bathroom, even I didn't eat anything. any advice? - Shy in Scottsdale. Excellent question. It reminds me of the very first time I was supposed to give a big speech. It as May 6, 1937 ... As head of the Ladies Auxiliary of Manchester Township's Dirigible Fan Club, I was to give a rousing welcome to an incoming blimp. As the German airship drifted gently overhead, I picked up the microphone, and ... By the ay, you know what people don't tell you? They don't tell you that it could create a spark when you accidentally whack a microphone on a mental box full of fireworks. I was by no means relieved about not having to give a speech that day. That would be wrong. And it was by no means intentional ... not provably so, anyway. Anyway, what were you asking about, again? How quickly to establish an alibi? Um ... that's ok. I've gotta go. Asksadieshow@gmail.com
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-03 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-03 Pub. Date: 2018-08-03
Image Number: 173244
Caption: Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. But that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something at least.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-11 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-11 Pub. Date: 2018-06-11
Image Number: 172212
Caption: There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows got renewed, and now this. It's just my luck.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-10 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-10 Pub. Date: 2018-02-10
Image Number: 168185
Caption: Can Lionel come to my house and play? No. Why not, Lemont? First of all, it's Mister Brown to you. Second of all, it's 'cause last time he did, he came home calling me Lemont. What have your parents taught you about respecting your elders, Malcolm? That's Mister Malcolm to you, Lemont.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-31 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-31 Pub. Date: 2018-01-31
Image Number: 167919
Caption: Do you have the time? Time? Time? Do you know the so-called experts say there's no such thing? First they said it was 3pm on the east coast when it's noon here. Then they said if you move faster, time moves slower. Then they said now for us might be a million years in the past for someone in another galaxy. It's ok to say I don't know what time it is. If Einstein doesn't have to make up his mind about what time it is, neither do I? Canada or bust!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-03 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-03 Pub. Date: 2017-12-03
Image Number: 165351
Caption: Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tries to change the subject by saying "yeah but … black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but … you rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix all these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters bigger'n all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them in asteroid craters? Good game, Clyde.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-05 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-05 Pub. Date: 2017-11-05
Image Number: 163961
Caption: I find it funny how you libs get all triggered every time the president implies Puerto Rican hurricane victims are lazy … or every time he praises white supremacists, or every time he "attacks" the first amendment, or every time he personally insults people. Don't you people know the president is trolling you? He's just pressing your buttons for fun and you fall for it every single time. It's as if none of you have ever debated anyone online. Online, you don't win by being right ... you win by making the other guy seem like he cares more than you do about any given topic. Caring is absolute proof of snowflaky weakness. If what the other guy cares about is common decency, you get extra points. That's the most absurd thing I've -- ... um ... whatever. Too late, snowflake.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-28 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-28 Pub. Date: 2017-10-28
Image Number: 164152
Caption: I've read that by the time I'm an old man, we may be able to upload our consciousness into the cloud. Do you know what this means, Clyde? It means our generation may be the first to become immortal. We'd also become the first post-human generation. "Cloud-o-Sapiens" doesn't have the same ring to it, though. Wait ... me dyin' someday anyway is what make it easy to not care 'bout nobody opinion of me. Ain't this a blip.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-06-14 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-06-14 Pub. Date: 2017-06-14
Image Number: 159153
Caption: Clyde picks up Lemont's son Lionel from daycare. Little man what'd you do when Brixton called your daddy names? Nothing. Was it the first time he bothered you? No. He's not nice all the time. I see. Well, whachoogot, little man, is a bully. You know what a bully is, don't you? 'Course. It's a cow with no nipples. No. But that bring me to how you deal with bullies ...
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-26 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-26 Pub. Date: 2017-03-26
Image Number: 155437
Caption: Yesterday, I visited my 97-year-old grandpa for the first time in six months. Dr. Noodle. He opened his door. I said "Grandpa! I missed you!" He looked me up and down and said "You gained a pound." It was all I could think about the whole time. As I drove him to his favorite restaurant, I was worried the seatbelt made me look bulgy ... When we ordered, I felt like he was judging my choices and so I only ordered crackers and water. When I hugged him goodbye, I sucked my gut in as hard as I could. Why don't we just focus on the fact he hugged you? When he hugged me, he said "You at that whole cracker."
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-10 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-10 Pub. Date: 2017-02-10
Image Number: 154241
Caption: Do you know why mankind is so susceptible to authoritarians, Rosencrantz? It's because our brains are wired to accept lies. Our conscious brain can eventually spot a lie. But for it to spot it, our unconscious brain first has to entertain it. And just as when you entertain a guest, there's a chance the guest will overstay his welcome, put up photos of his loved ones, and before you know it, he's moved in and you can't get rid of him. I'll say it one last time: I want my side of the sidewalk crack back, Tyrone. I don't know what you mean, I've always been on this side.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-15 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-15 Pub. Date: 2017-01-15
Image Number: 152908
Caption: Hello, you've reached Bung Lee Plumbing. This is Bung. How may I hinder you? Hi Bung. I just got an invoice from you guys for $125 plus a $75 late fee for some work you did in my apartment. But I already tried to pay that bill, two months ago. You guys sent me an invoice that asked me to pay by phone. So I called and gave someone named "Ryan" my Massacard info. He said he'd send me a receipt, but he never did. I just checked with Massacard, and it looks like you guys never ran my card. I'd be happy to give the $125 we agreed upon, but I'm not paying you any late fee. It's not my fault Ryan didn't charge me. Do you have any proof you called and spoke with Ryan? Let me ask you a question: Would this be the first time Ryan screwed up around there? Ok. I'll waive the late fee.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-19 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-19 Pub. Date: 2016-12-19
Image Number: 152369
Caption: So how'd Canada go, Lemont? How'd it go when you and "Vancouver" saw each other for the first time in a year? It went horribly. When she opened the door, it was fireworks all over again. The evening was pure magic. The next few days were even better. That does sound horrible. It was as if the great author in the sky were setting me up for a soul-crushing plot twist.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-01 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-01 Pub. Date: 2016-07-01
Image Number: 145232
Caption: Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. Bet that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something, at least.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-21 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-21 Pub. Date: 2016-06-21
Image Number: 144898
Caption: My son slept all night long, Clyde. First time ever. Usually I can't get any uninterrupted sleep because he's always getting up. But last night, he didn't even make a sound … So I ended up staying up all night to make sure he wasn't dead.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-09 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-09 Pub. Date: 2016-06-09
Image Number: 144222
Caption: I'm flying to Oakland for a book festival in two week. "Vancouver" is going to be there too. The girl you been talkin' to long-distance? You ain't never told me how you met her in the first place. Yeah I did, Clyde. I called you as soon as it happened and told you every last detail. You and I talked for five hours! Anything more'n two minutes, I set the phone down an' watch tv. It's a policy. But you kept applauding! Must've been the studio audience you heard, bruh.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-15 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-15 Pub. Date: 2016-05-15
Image Number: 142782
Caption: I ever tell you 'bout that time I recorded a song with Prince? You never recorded a song with Prince, Clyde. Yeh I did, bruh. In fact it was the very first song I ever recorded. I was freestylin', makin' up lyrics as I went along, when all of a sudden outta nowhere, I heard Prince voice comin' from behind me. It was comin' from my momma radio. I climbed up onto her dresser an' pressed "record" on her tape recorder, an' I sang along with him. Then momma took me to preschool. I'm not sure that counts, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-09 first time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143021
Caption: Do you remember the very first time YOU got mad at someone? I don’t. It's one of those millions of "firsts" that are lost to time. Do you realize that everyone carrying around iPhones and Androids at all times has changed that, for the first time in human history? Whatever. I still don't think your son will ever appreciate your keeping a video of you accidentally dropping him in the toilet. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-24).
     
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