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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-08 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-08 Pub. Date: 2019-08-08
Image Number: 178909
Caption: Remember how I said ICE detained that 18-year-old American citizen for nearly a month? He said when they finally let him go, he'd lost over 20 pounds because food was scarce in the camp. Detainees have said the older kids often give their rations to the little ones to keep them from crying because the crying angers the guards. What country is this?! Careful, if they think you don't know, they might come for you.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-05 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-05 Pub. Date: 2019-04-05
Image Number: 177046
Caption: Looks like the President's finally going to destroy Obamacare. Millions would lose their insurance. Millions more would be thrown of Medicaid. Tens of thousands will die because they won't be covered anymore. On the bright side, I'll be able to tell all my old "pre-existing conditions" jokes again. They do say laughter keep you healthy.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-02 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-02 Pub. Date: 2019-01-02
Image Number: 175658
Caption: Ever since I was five and saw The Menagerie, I wondered what it'd be like to see a Star Trek series featuring Captain Pike. I'm finally getting that, sort of, on season 2 of Star Trek Discovery. Proves nothin', bruh. I ain't even sure what that all mean. It's like you threw a bunch of random nerd words together an' pretended it made a point. Captain Picard is back, too. And so's The Orville. I'm just sayin, that and a new season of the expanse means 2019 is the year miracles happen. Stop that.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-19 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-19 Pub. Date: 2018-12-19
Image Number: 175481
Caption: We were respectable in those days, Rosencrantz. Which days, Tyrone? Those Halcyon days when we were finally on our own, still young and full of promise ... before the world picked us up and whittled away our options like we were pieces of driftwood. I think it was the period between October third, 1991, and October fifth, 1991. I remember that. (This cartoon was previously published on 2016-10-27)
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-05 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-05 Pub. Date: 2018-12-05
Image Number: 175264
Caption: We forgot something at the Thanksgiving party the other week. Whachoo-mean? We forgot to not have one. It celebrates a false creation myth that we tell ourselves so we can forget that what really happened was a massive genocide. This is why we never let you say the toast, Lemont. There shouldn't have been a toast. I guess it a coincidence you only sayin' all this after you finally run out of leftovers.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-19 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-19 Pub. Date: 2018-10-19
Image Number: 174495
Caption: I hear your campaign's going very well, Mort. My what is going what now? … For Congress. You campaign for Congress. You were running neck-and-neck for a while with the incumbent, Congressman Snidely. But now you're up by three. Oh. Must be that Blue Wave they keep talking about. Or maybe it's that people find my progressive values to be very attractive. Yeah. That, and they finally buried him, so the mourning period is over. I'm looking forward to the debate.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-27 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-27 Pub. Date: 2018-08-27
Image Number: 173788
Caption: Now that the airduct … or whatever it was … had led me back to 2018 … I was moments away from finally interviewing a toddler in one of Trump's internment camps. I could hear him, just around the corner. He was sobbing. He was hysterical. He was calling out for his mother. He was just around the corner ... But so were the armed guards. By the time I got the glue, the fake beard and the janitor disguise, the child's cries had stopped. Wait ... back up. I almost blew my cover when I lost control of the spinny-mop thing and it dragged me down the hall.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-25 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-25 Pub. Date: 2018-08-25
Image Number: 173659
Caption: Now that the air duct … or whatever it was … had led me back to 2018 … I was moments away from finally interviewing a child in one of Mr. Trump's internment camps. I could hear him, just around the corner. I heard him crying out for mama! over and over.. I had no idea what condition he would be in. But nothing I imagined could prepare me for what I would see. His crying grew more and more hysterical. I was just meters from him. I rounded the corner. And there, right before my eyes, was ... to be continued. Told you not to have that jumbo lemonade. Telling stories makes my mouth dry.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-24 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-24 Pub. Date: 2018-08-24
Image Number: 173658
Caption: After I'd gracefully climbed down from the air duct, I jumped right back into action … I'm a trained investigative journalist. And while I may be mumblety three years old, I've got the stamina of a man twice my age. I summoned all my skills to finally track down one of the refugee children the President had kidnapped from his parents. Mama! Sounds like they trained you very well in journalism school. Not much gets past me. Will humor you for $.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-19 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-19 Pub. Date: 2018-05-19
Image Number: 171506
Caption: Whachoo wanna watch, Big L? The end of hatred. I want to watch the end of terror, the end of war, the end of killing, the end of brutality. The end of people having to live in fear of other people. I want to watch mankind finally decide to just get along with itself. I don't think that be on. Sigh. Just put on Gilligan's Island.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-01 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-01 Pub. Date: 2018-04-01
Image Number: 169546
Caption: I made some Kraft mac & cheese the other day. Why you ain't called me, bruh? I'da ate some. That's not the point, Clyde. The point is, it didn't taste anywhere near as delicious as it did when I was a kid. Serves you right. You think maybe they changed the formula? Did they find out something in it was dangerous? Did they do it to save money? The thought kept me up all night. Finally, at 3 a.m., I tweeted Did Kraft change it's formula ... or have I gone crazy ... or is nothing ever as delicious as it was when you were a six-year-old child? You really tryin' hard to find somethin' to be upset about that ain't Trump. I spent all morning taste-testing Froot Loops, KFC, Funyuns, Jell-o pudding pops, etc ... They must've changed their formulas too!
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-24 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-24 Pub. Date: 2018-03-24
Image Number: 169631
Caption: So how was your week, Susan? So-so. I brought in a huge client. And then we lost a different one. I met a great guy. And the next morning I met his girlfriend. I found a perfect parking spot. And then I got a parking ticket. I finally had time to read a novel I'd been dying to read. But it turned out to be horrible. Forget I asked. Someone finally asked me how my week went, but ...
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-04 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-04 Pub. Date: 2018-03-04
Image Number: 168475
Caption: The other day, Kelly texted me hi. So right away I texted back three paragraphs saying hi, asking how she was, and whether she wanted to meet. Dr. Noodle. Did she write back? Yeah. About six hours later, she sent me an lol. So right away I texted back an lol plus four paragraphs asking how her day was, and pointing out that she didn't say whether she wanted to meet. Did she write back? No. I kept checking my phone the rest of the night, but she never wrote back. She finally wrote back three days later. What did she write? She wrote I miss you. OMG. That's exactly what I wrote! Right away. Plus five paragraphs asking if she wanted to meet.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-26 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-26 Pub. Date: 2018-02-26
Image Number: 168927
Caption: Did you know that while nobody was paying any attention, evil neo Nazis have overrun Ukraine? And our military industrial complex is sending them weapons? Wait ... what? But it's ok, because when they become a big enough threat, our military industrial complex will also get to send weapons to their enemies. So it'll all even out. Sarcasm Monday strikes again. It's nice to see our defense contractors finally making a profit.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-21 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-21 Pub. Date: 2018-01-21
Image Number: 166923
Caption: I got sucked into an argument with my Uncle Elroy again. Dr. Noodle. He send me a dozen article from dailynutjob.com about how George Soros is behind all the conspiracy theories about George Soros. I couldn't help it … I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would he do that??" He replied "Because George Soros is trying to make people who buy into George Soros conspiracy theories look bad." Oh my. Then he sent me article after article about how Antifa spies were getting white supremacist haircuts and pretending to be white supremacists, and saying evil white supremacist things. I couldn't help it ... I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would they do that??" I thought we agreed you'd meditate whenever you had the urge to ask that question. He said "because they're trying to make white supremacists look bad."
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-31 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-31 Pub. Date: 2017-12-31
Image Number: 166075
Caption: Susan told me you finally got a doctor appointment, bruh, 'bout that heart problem you probably got … She also told me your doctor name. Canada or bust! I don't know what you're talking about, Clyde. When we was four, you told the preschool you was allergic to Mrs. Cass so they'd have to transfer you to Mr. Kirk's class. When we was nine, you fell in love with that new girl Lois Lane as soon as you heard Mrs. Drake read her name at roll call. When you know, you just know. In college, you took that advanced kelp studies class 'cause it was taught by a "Professor Xavier." I don't know what you're getting at, I've always been fascinated with aquatic plants. Tell me you ain't choose this cardiologist just 'cause his name "Doctor Hu."
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-22 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-22 Pub. Date: 2017-12-22
Image Number: 166287
Caption: Doc, I've been coming here for years. I feel pretty happy. I'm thinking maybe I don't need therapy anymore. That makes perfect sense. It's like when you look in the mirror and see you've finally got bright, shiny teeth. There must be no need to keep brushing them if they're no longer decrepit and begrimed. Brains and teeth are two completely different things. Really? Let's chew on that thought for a moment ...
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-07 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-07 Pub. Date: 2017-05-07
Image Number: 157070
Caption: America sure is great agin, I'll tell ya what. After eight long years of darkness, we're finally seein' the light agin. I meant "darkness" as in the metaphorical sense. You know … as in wickedness, evilness or malignant stupidness. I by no means meant anything racial, and you implyin' I did ... well, that sorta assumption-makin' is why you fellas lost the election. Furd. Why are you assuming that I, myself, am not a Trump voter? Well, dang ... you got me on that one. I mean, I'm not ... but that's not the point.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-27 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-27 Pub. Date: 2016-10-27
Image Number: 150197
Caption: We were respectable in those days, Rosencrantz. Which days, Tyrone? Those Halcyon days when we were finally on our own, still young and full of promise … before the world picked us up and whittled away our options like we were pieces of driftwood. I think it was the period between October third, 1991, and October fifth, 1991. I remember that.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-14 finally 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-14 Pub. Date: 2016-10-14
Image Number: 149613
Caption: I finally ran into Vancouver at a party that night. One thing led to another … and we found ourselves parked in her car at 2am on a bluff overlooking the moonlit ocean. It was magical. It felt as if the earth was no bigger than that car, that we were the only two people on it, and it was moving beneath our feet. Turns our we'd forgotten to set the parking break. We rolled downhill into a police car.
     
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