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Candorville

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101. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-22 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-22 Pub. Date: 2014-11-22
Image Number: 118797
Caption: Hello, wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Yes, I am absolutely sure I'm not the person you're trying to call. Feel free to call back a third time just in case I've realized I actually AM the person I'm not. Beep.
     
102. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-09 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-09 Pub. Date: 2014-11-09
Image Number: 118031
Caption: What brings you to therapy? I feel like everyone's out to get me, because I'm the top dog. I'm the Tony Soprano. The Gus Fring. The Nino Brown. The other day, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Groundhog Day ate pasta e fagioli in a private booth at Whole Foods. They were conspiring to knock me off! My own lieutenants betrayed me after all I've done for them! I have eyes everywhere! Don't they know this? I'll just check the box next to "paranoid delusions." Those traitors are about to find out "coal" is just a euphemism.
     
103. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-31 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-31 Pub. Date: 2014-10-31
Image Number: 118205
Caption: Why won't you tell Susan the real reason you ain't want her at that comic convention. You know she gonna dress up like Wonder Woman, and you don’t want no other bruthas starin' at her or tryin' to grope her. You got a White Knight Complex, Big L. You'd feel the need to stare down any man you thought was disrespecting her. But you also fight like a toddler, so you know you'd get pantsed right in front of her. You don't know anything.
     
104. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-15 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-15 Pub. Date: 2014-10-15
Image Number: 117631
Caption: I wonder if the Tupac Hologram feel joy or pain or whatnot. Thug 4 Life. Whachoo think it doin' right now? I think it eatin' cereal. It's not doing anything. Tupac a lotta things, but lazy ain't none of them. What? What? (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-05-23).
     
105. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-11 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-11 Pub. Date: 2014-10-11
Image Number: 117067
Caption: I'm not looking forward to the next President or the next Congress. Every single year, as far back as I can remember, everyone's agreed that politics have never been more polarized. Doesn’t it feel like our republic is circling the drain? Sooner or later, one of these elections is going to known as "The Great Flush."
     
106. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-07 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-07 Pub. Date: 2014-10-07
Image Number: 117063
Caption: Clyde, would you want to live forever? Nah, dawg, that'd ruin erethang. We all go through life with one goal: to live just long enough to outlive erebody who know about all the bad @$%# we done, and then it's like none of that @$#% ever happened. All of a sudden I feel less warm and fuzzy about all the times you've asked me how I'm doing. How you feelin', bruh?
     
107. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-29 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-29 Pub. Date: 2014-09-29
Image Number: 117056
Caption: I've been considering all the things I do absentmindedly. This morning alone, I cut my toenails, picked my nose, spit, whistled and scratched my unmentionables. Just thinking about all the things I do without thinking about it makes me feel exhausted. That doesn't explain why you ate my taco. (This cartoon was published originally on 2012-05-29).
     
108. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-28 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-28 Pub. Date: 2014-09-28
Image Number: 116324
Caption: I'm through with looking for a woman to date. That's drastic. Dr. Noodle. Not really. I've realized I've always had a void, deep in my soul. PhD. I've always felt alone, unloved, unneeded … As if there were no one expecting me to be a great man. When I was a kid, I filled that void with comics. Then later, with a woman's love. But you've realized the void is just too deep for anyone to fill? There is no woman alive who can love me so completely ... that I'll finally feel like I'm an important part of the world and I have a purpose. You're thinking of seeking God's love? I'm thinking of dating two women.
     
109. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-15 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-15 Pub. Date: 2014-09-15
Image Number: 116478
Caption: I'm kind of disappointed in Apple's new smart watch. It's a rectangle. That's so 1980s. Watches are pretty much the only jewelry a hairy-chested man can get away with wearing without looking like he's in the mafia. This watch just doesn’t work as man jewelry. It's too old-fashioned. You know what I'm saying? You sayin' you wanna feel better about the fact you can't afford that watch.
     
110. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-11 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-11 Pub. Date: 2014-09-11
Image Number: 116186
Caption: I've never been happier about the fact that I don’t own my own home. Home Depot may have just been targeted by credit-card hackers. If I were a home owner, I'd shop at Home Depot all the time. My credit card info would've been stolen, and identity thieves would have ruined my life. I've got nothing to worry about unless they start hacking TRANSIENTS DEPOT. Whatever makes you feel better, dude.
     
111. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-04 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-04 Pub. Date: 2014-09-04
Image Number: 115920
Caption: Man … Clyde ignores his girlfriend all the time. What's it feel like when a guy just flat out ignores you? You don’t remember what I said LAST time you asked me that?
     
112. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-20 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-20 Pub. Date: 2014-08-20
Image Number: 115241
Caption: Robin Williams visits Lemont's dream. Stars die all the time, just like the rest of us. But this one hurts more than usual. I think it's because you, more than any other star, made ME feel BIG. There was always a sadness behind your eyes. And whenever I saw you explode with life despite that, it was like you were fighting sadness and conquering it, and that made me feel like "THIS is what it means to be human." To be honest, sometimes that was just what it meant to earn a living. Hey, don't stop being my metaphor.
     
113. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-08-06 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-08-06 Pub. Date: 2014-08-06
Image Number: 114619
Caption: The world moves really fast, Susan. It feels like just a few years ago I was on the cutting edge 'cause I knew how to program a website with HTML. But it's as if I blinked for a second, and the whole world ran past me and I don't have the skills to keep up. STOP IT!!!! (Originally published on 2012-02-02).
     
114. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-07 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-07 Pub. Date: 2014-06-07
Image Number: 112092
Caption: You know how sometimes you don’t realize how wrong something you're doing is till you stop doing it? That's how I felt when the supreme court ruled we can't execute prisoners with "mental retardation" just because their IQ is over 70. Why on earth were we using an IQ over 70 to excuse killing the mentally challenged? What kind of incentive is that for anyone to do well on standardized tests?
     
115. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-06-02 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-06-02 Pub. Date: 2014-06-02
Image Number: 112087
Caption: That deranged guy in Santa Barbara killed all those people to get revenge on women for not being attracted to him. That makes me feel guilty for ever complaining about being in a girl's "friend zone." It's like "sexual partner" is the default purpose of a woman, and if you end up her friend instead, you must've done something wrong. There's something wrong with you if you think "friend" is a bad word. Wait, which mass shooting you talkin' 'bout? Hard to keep track.
     
116. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-17 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-17 Pub. Date: 2014-05-17
Image Number: 111234
Caption: I want to buy a house, Susan. I feel like if I don’t own a house, I'm a failure. Like I'm not really part of society. Like I'm just a guest. I feel like I'm a child and the only way I'll ever truly be an adult is to own a house. Plus if I had my own house, I could make the whole floor a trampoline. Dios Mio.
     
117. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-09 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-09 Pub. Date: 2014-05-09
Image Number: 111021
Caption: I feel the spell about to be broken, Rosencrantz. What? It's been a very good day. Nice breeze, good company. Thank you. That means something bad's about to happen. We must pay for every measure of pleasure with an equal amount of pain. I'm still not letting your thump me on the head with your shoe. Rosencrantz, don't be an idiot. Do you want something even worse to happen?
     
118. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-13 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-13 Pub. Date: 2014-04-13
Image Number: 109349
Caption: That airplane's been on my mind ever since it went missing. I can't stop thinking about it … all those people and their families. Dr. Noodle. The possibility of losing someone so unexpectedly is just … it's just not right. But then I thought back to how I felt when my uncle died. He was sick for a long time. We all knew it was coming. We all visited him and said everything we wanted to say. We got to say goodbye. ... But the morning he passed ... it still hit us like a ton of bricks. It still was just ... not right. Death is the most unnatural natural thing there is. ... Next to brussels sprouts.
     
119. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-30 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-30 Pub. Date: 2014-03-30
Image Number: 108533
Caption: NASA found 715 new planets, Clyde. That makes about 1,700. But they can only detect planets that orbit the stars at certain angles relative to Earth. Do you have any idea what that means? That you gon' be talkin' for another twenty, twenty-five minutes? It means that for every planet they've detected, there are 1,000 more they can't detect because of the angle of their orbits. That means there are at least 1,700,000 planets up there that are right in our cosmic back yard. Whatever, dawg. Let's go outside. I can't. All of a sudden I feel like a whole lot of people are watching me. I never shoulda stole you that telescope when we was six.
     
120. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-29 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-29 Pub. Date: 2014-03-29
Image Number: 109227
Caption: Lemont, how come you don’t ever disagree with me? You've always been 100% supportive of all my ideas, my style, my relationships … Sometimes I feel like your lack of dissent means you don’t care what I say or do. That's stupid. I disagree with you all the time. You're just saying that to make me feel better.
     
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