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Candorville

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241. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-15 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-15 Pub. Date: 2009-06-15
Image Number: 35244
Caption: (Sigh)* *Do you ever feel lost, Clyde? (Yawn)** **Am I feelin' lost? (Ahem-ahem)* *@$% yeah, I'm feelin' lost. (Ahem)* *It's a great show. (Tsk)* *What? (Tsk)** **What?
     
242. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-31 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-31 Pub. Date: 2009-05-31
Image Number: 34380
Caption: Why, I haven't a clue, Preston. I'll ask that stranger if he knows. (Ahem.) What up, dawg? What it is? The man got a brother channed to the clock like a' inmate, knowtamean? But I gotta be down for mine, y'feel me? So, uh… Aiiight, listen right here, bruh. Check this out. Check this out... What time it is? ...And it bothered you that the White man thought you'd only understand slang? it bothered me that he's better at slang than I am.
     
243. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
244. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-04 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-04 Pub. Date: 2009-05-04
Image Number: 32170
Caption: Hello, White House? Why is the president reluctant to prosecute whoever ordered our people to TORTURE prisons of war? Let me stop there. The president feels torture is a crime that must never be allowed to happen again. And as we all know, the best way to prevent crime is to let the criminals off without any punishment at all. That's not the best way to prevent crime. Are you sure?
     
245. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-12 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-12 Pub. Date: 2009-04-12
Image Number: 31606
Caption: Hello? Hi, I'm calling from Disney's El Capitan Theater to see if you received the mail we sent you. How did you get this number? Did you get our beautiful full-color flyer announcing the Race to Witch Mountain? Which mountain is that? No, the movie, Race to Witch Mountain. I don't know, you're the one who called me: You tell me which mountain. Um... Do you have a grandson or granddaughter I can talk to, sir? They're dead. Zoo accident. Feathers... Screaming... I don't like to talk about it. I'm sorry, sir. So did you get our beautiful full-color brochure about Race to Witch Mountain? Yes, and I'm glad you called, 'cause I have some questions that I think only you can answer. I'd be very happy to, sir! Where do you guys get your hot dogs? 'Cause they're the best hot dogs I've ever had in my whole life. Also, are you seriously calling to ask whether I got the junk mail you sent? When did THAT start? Lastly, how did you get this number? ... This all doesn't seem weird to you? Take me off your phone list. If you have any questions about Race to Witch Mountain or would like to order tickets, feel free to call the number in your brochure. Is there a number for hot dogs? I do really like those. Click.
     
246. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-08 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-08 Pub. Date: 2009-03-08
Image Number: 30452
Caption: Wow. You're not doing so well, Roxanne. What do you mean? I feel fine. No, on my blog. 20% of my readers think I should dump you and sue you for custody of Lionel. Twen-- huh?! 15% think I should flee to Mexico and change my name. 80% think I should send a cyborg back through time to make sure your parents never meet. You ran a poll about me on your blog, and those were the options you gave? And wait... ...That's 115%. They REALLY don't like you.
     
247. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-24 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-24 Pub. Date: 2009-02-24
Image Number: 30261
Caption: I'm not who you think I am, Lemont. You're not Saxon Kenchu? No, I AM Saxon Kenchu… You don't work for my fiancée's dad? No, I do… Will you kindly let me tell my story? Well, you're not exactly getting to the point. Saxon Kenchu is getting very angry! Really? So far your story hasn't made me feel anything at all.
     
248. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-16 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-16 Pub. Date: 2009-01-16
Image Number: 29377
Caption: The young slave Frederick Douglass, having witnessed the barbarity of his master for the first time, ran and hid for hours, until he fell asleep. Then he had a curious dream… When I saw the captain whipping Hester, I felt… I felt… Oh, I know not how to describe what I felt. Well I know. You felt like standing up to show them you ain't no punk. You a man. An' they best respect you. Actually, I was going to say "I felt like throwing up," but your idea does sound more productive. You start by takin' they wallets.
     
249. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-15 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-15 Pub. Date: 2009-01-15
Image Number: 29376
Caption: The young slave Frederick Douglass has an odd dream… Are we lowly animals to be abused at will? Master tied Aunt Hester to a beam and stripped her bare. Then, with his face red with fury, he slashed his whip down and down until the soil below was saturated with blood. I feel you, Dog. I can't even go into a 7-Eleven without the guard lookin' at me funny. ...You poor fellow. An' if I try to get a small business loan? Forget it.
     
250. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-21 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-21 Pub. Date: 2008-12-21
Image Number: 28939
Caption: So you're saying you delivered all the gifts last summer. I figured the cost of reindeer fuel would skyrocket in December. Lichen's cheaper in the off-season. Of course. Anyway, I delivered Xboxes, iPods, the works. But just this week, kids from all over the world sent me their wishes. They don't want iPods. They want their mommies and daddies to have their jobs and their homes back. I see. And you feel you've crushed their dreams, condemning them to lives of bitterness and despair. Actually, I was wondering why I'm such a tightwad, but thanks for giving me another complex.
     
251. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-04 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-04 Pub. Date: 2008-12-04
Image Number: 28420
Caption: I used to feel like football players were champions fighting for our whole city's honor. Now I just feel like I'm watchin' a bunch of multimillionaires working. Like I'm eating hot dogs while watching Warren Buffet sell stock. RAAAAAAAGH! Good talk.
     
252. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-10 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-10 Pub. Date: 2008-11-10
Image Number: 28010
Caption: …So Phil Anders shows up like nothing ever happened, right? Like he's never insulted me, never made me feel like dirt, never made me feel ignored… SUSAN, I SAID I JUST GOT BACK FROM A SUPERNATURAL TIME-SPACE VORTEX IN VIETNAM WHERE I MAY HAVE GIVEN CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS BAD DIRECTIONS AND INADVERTENTLY CAUSED THE SUBJUGTION OF THE NATIVE AMERICANS! ...And if there's one thing I hate, it's being ignored, so I told him...
     
253. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-10 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-10 Pub. Date: 2008-10-10
Image Number: 27223
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal, Day 12: Our guide was one of those guys who had that weird light around him. Glow-in-dark iPOD. $99 at Target. We felt safe with him. Don't eat at that Taco Bell. Bad cheese. Nodung River that way, behind Starbuck! Go! Save John McCain honor from fetid prison camp! He knew the ways of the natives. Because he was one. Mmm... I love the smell of hazelnut latte in the morning.
     
254. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-03 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-03 Pub. Date: 2008-10-03
Image Number: 27048
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal: Day Four… Boot Camp almost over. Can you believe we're going to be embedded journalists? I look at the innocent faces. Kids, soon to be men. Hey, how come you never answer me? I don't dare get too close to them. Don't dare feel. Anything. Is this 'cause I took the top bunk? Awful truth is, some of them won't make it out of here alive.
     
255. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-27 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-27 Pub. Date: 2008-09-27
Image Number: 26927
Caption: Ever feel like something big is about to happen to you? Like the city's about to call and tell you you've won the lottery? Or you're about to meet the love of your life once you turn the corner? Oh. Never mind. It was just gas. "Was"?
     
256. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-13 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-13 Pub. Date: 2008-08-13
Image Number: 25786
Caption: Before you think about forming a union… We feel it's our duty as your employer to educate you - fairly and impartially - about labor unions. Gall-Mart. This is Thurston Pierpont, your teacher. Um… Is he an early 20th century robber baron? I DRINK YOUR SMOOTHIE! I DRINK IT UP! I asked you not do that.
     
257. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-05 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-05 Pub. Date: 2008-08-05
Image Number: 25608
Caption: C-Dog, sometimes I feel like you ain't even listening to me. Like I don't even exist to you. An' it hurts me, deep down in my soul. Woman… Do I know you? I'm your girlfriend, stupid! I don't know anyone by that name.
     
258. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-01 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-01 Pub. Date: 2008-08-01
Image Number: 25421
Caption: Saxon, what am I going to do if Lemont never comes back? Little Lionel needs a father. Not really I had a father, and-- That's true. And look at you. A 33-year-old loser with no future. You're not an easy person to comfort. Don't sell yourself short, Salmon. I feel MUCH better.
     
259. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-22 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-22 Pub. Date: 2008-07-22
Image Number: 25213
Caption: C-Dog, my supervisor keep yellin' at me like I'm some kid. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. 50¢. But ain't nothin' I can do, not an' keep my job. I feel powerless a lot, C-Dog. Tsk. Here what y'do: Every lunch break, wait 'til the sign say "Don't Walk," and then cross the street. That'll make me feel more powerful? Only if you stare down the drivers like it's they fault.
     
260. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-20 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-20 Pub. Date: 2008-07-20
Image Number: 24783
Caption: Michelle Obama said "For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback." Gasp! Mainstream media. WHAT?! That means she was never proud of America until later in life! She's no patriot! Mainstream Media. She also said "I really didn't love America until I was deprived of her company." WHAT?! Mainstream media. That means she never loved America until later in life! She's no patriot! Oops, correction: John McCain said that last one. Mainstream media. Really? Oh, well then it's a poetic testament to the moment a man fell in love with his country.
     
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