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Candorville

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241. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-09 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-09 Pub. Date: 2009-09-09
Image Number: 38143
Caption: I feel like I'm losing it, Doc. What's wrong with me? Interesting. What do you THINK is wrong with you? I don't know, aren't you supposed to tell me? Interesting. Why do you feel it's my role to tell you? What? Stop that. You think I'm paying $100 an hour for you to not answer my questions? You think that's what I'm trying to accomplish? ... What ARE you trying to accomplish? AAAARGH!
     
242. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-26 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-26 Pub. Date: 2009-08-26
Image Number: 37757
Caption: I don't believe you've got the hots for that guy at work, Macstink. Dick Fink. Whatever. I mean yeah, you mentioned that you respected his artwork, but you said he was a sleazy womanizer! You said he seduced a married woman who had kids! You said he seduced another happily married woman and broke up her marriage! Yeah, but he feels guilty every time he's bad, which means he's good. ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF, WOMAN?!
     
243. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-05-19 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-07 Pub. Date: 2006-05-19
Image Number: 13762
Caption: Are you only my friend because I laugh at your jokes? Because I think you're smart and I respect you … and because you feel the same about me? Um …no? So you don't think I'm smart and funny? Sometimes you're like a minefield, Lemont. What's that supposed to mean?
     
244. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-07 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-07 Pub. Date: 2009-07-07
Image Number: 35969
Caption: Michael Jackson visits Lemont's dream. I'm conflicted. On one hand, kids accused you of some serious offenses and I never completed bought your story. But on the other hand … I was a depressed kid. No dad. An outcast. But when I heard you sing and watched you dance, I felt full of life. What the heck. You entertained me so I'm willing to overlook your stupid decisions and your embarrassing naiveté. Thanks a lot. It's the least I could do.
     
245. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-18 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-18 Pub. Date: 2009-06-18
Image Number: 35247
Caption: Whatcha doin' Big L? I'm writing a credo. Every writer should have a credo. It's a personal statement summarizing everything I'm passionate about. Then whenever I feel lost, I'll read it, and it'll remind me who I am. "I like cheese." YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ ANOTHER MAN'S CREDO.
     
246. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-17 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-17 Pub. Date: 2009-06-17
Image Number: 35246
Caption: Susan, wait! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up at you. I'm just... A jerk? What? No, I'm just having a bad day. Feeling lost. Like the great author in the sky wrote some plan for my life in a long-dead language I'll never understand. You never feel that way, do you? You've always had everything mapped out. Year 29: Be a big shot @ an advertising agency. Year 30-something: Deny having written life plan to spare aimless friendl's feelings. No. No. I have not. Are you checking something off?
     
247. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-15 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-15 Pub. Date: 2009-06-15
Image Number: 35244
Caption: (Sigh)* *Do you ever feel lost, Clyde? (Yawn)** **Am I feelin' lost? (Ahem-ahem)* *@$% yeah, I'm feelin' lost. (Ahem)* *It's a great show. (Tsk)* *What? (Tsk)** **What?
     
248. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-31 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-31 Pub. Date: 2009-05-31
Image Number: 34380
Caption: Why, I haven't a clue, Preston. I'll ask that stranger if he knows. (Ahem.) What up, dawg? What it is? The man got a brother channed to the clock like a' inmate, knowtamean? But I gotta be down for mine, y'feel me? So, uh… Aiiight, listen right here, bruh. Check this out. Check this out... What time it is? ...And it bothered you that the White man thought you'd only understand slang? it bothered me that he's better at slang than I am.
     
249. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
250. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-04 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-04 Pub. Date: 2009-05-04
Image Number: 32170
Caption: Hello, White House? Why is the president reluctant to prosecute whoever ordered our people to TORTURE prisons of war? Let me stop there. The president feels torture is a crime that must never be allowed to happen again. And as we all know, the best way to prevent crime is to let the criminals off without any punishment at all. That's not the best way to prevent crime. Are you sure?
     
251. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-12 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-12 Pub. Date: 2009-04-12
Image Number: 31606
Caption: Hello? Hi, I'm calling from Disney's El Capitan Theater to see if you received the mail we sent you. How did you get this number? Did you get our beautiful full-color flyer announcing the Race to Witch Mountain? Which mountain is that? No, the movie, Race to Witch Mountain. I don't know, you're the one who called me: You tell me which mountain. Um... Do you have a grandson or granddaughter I can talk to, sir? They're dead. Zoo accident. Feathers... Screaming... I don't like to talk about it. I'm sorry, sir. So did you get our beautiful full-color brochure about Race to Witch Mountain? Yes, and I'm glad you called, 'cause I have some questions that I think only you can answer. I'd be very happy to, sir! Where do you guys get your hot dogs? 'Cause they're the best hot dogs I've ever had in my whole life. Also, are you seriously calling to ask whether I got the junk mail you sent? When did THAT start? Lastly, how did you get this number? ... This all doesn't seem weird to you? Take me off your phone list. If you have any questions about Race to Witch Mountain or would like to order tickets, feel free to call the number in your brochure. Is there a number for hot dogs? I do really like those. Click.
     
252. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-08 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-08 Pub. Date: 2009-03-08
Image Number: 30452
Caption: Wow. You're not doing so well, Roxanne. What do you mean? I feel fine. No, on my blog. 20% of my readers think I should dump you and sue you for custody of Lionel. Twen-- huh?! 15% think I should flee to Mexico and change my name. 80% think I should send a cyborg back through time to make sure your parents never meet. You ran a poll about me on your blog, and those were the options you gave? And wait... ...That's 115%. They REALLY don't like you.
     
253. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-24 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-24 Pub. Date: 2009-02-24
Image Number: 30261
Caption: I'm not who you think I am, Lemont. You're not Saxon Kenchu? No, I AM Saxon Kenchu… You don't work for my fiancée's dad? No, I do… Will you kindly let me tell my story? Well, you're not exactly getting to the point. Saxon Kenchu is getting very angry! Really? So far your story hasn't made me feel anything at all.
     
254. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-16 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-16 Pub. Date: 2009-01-16
Image Number: 29377
Caption: The young slave Frederick Douglass, having witnessed the barbarity of his master for the first time, ran and hid for hours, until he fell asleep. Then he had a curious dream… When I saw the captain whipping Hester, I felt… I felt… Oh, I know not how to describe what I felt. Well I know. You felt like standing up to show them you ain't no punk. You a man. An' they best respect you. Actually, I was going to say "I felt like throwing up," but your idea does sound more productive. You start by takin' they wallets.
     
255. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-15 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-15 Pub. Date: 2009-01-15
Image Number: 29376
Caption: The young slave Frederick Douglass has an odd dream… Are we lowly animals to be abused at will? Master tied Aunt Hester to a beam and stripped her bare. Then, with his face red with fury, he slashed his whip down and down until the soil below was saturated with blood. I feel you, Dog. I can't even go into a 7-Eleven without the guard lookin' at me funny. ...You poor fellow. An' if I try to get a small business loan? Forget it.
     
256. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-21 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-21 Pub. Date: 2008-12-21
Image Number: 28939
Caption: So you're saying you delivered all the gifts last summer. I figured the cost of reindeer fuel would skyrocket in December. Lichen's cheaper in the off-season. Of course. Anyway, I delivered Xboxes, iPods, the works. But just this week, kids from all over the world sent me their wishes. They don't want iPods. They want their mommies and daddies to have their jobs and their homes back. I see. And you feel you've crushed their dreams, condemning them to lives of bitterness and despair. Actually, I was wondering why I'm such a tightwad, but thanks for giving me another complex.
     
257. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-12-04 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-12-04 Pub. Date: 2008-12-04
Image Number: 28420
Caption: I used to feel like football players were champions fighting for our whole city's honor. Now I just feel like I'm watchin' a bunch of multimillionaires working. Like I'm eating hot dogs while watching Warren Buffet sell stock. RAAAAAAAGH! Good talk.
     
258. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-10 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-10 Pub. Date: 2008-11-10
Image Number: 28010
Caption: …So Phil Anders shows up like nothing ever happened, right? Like he's never insulted me, never made me feel like dirt, never made me feel ignored… SUSAN, I SAID I JUST GOT BACK FROM A SUPERNATURAL TIME-SPACE VORTEX IN VIETNAM WHERE I MAY HAVE GIVEN CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS BAD DIRECTIONS AND INADVERTENTLY CAUSED THE SUBJUGTION OF THE NATIVE AMERICANS! ...And if there's one thing I hate, it's being ignored, so I told him...
     
259. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-10 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-10 Pub. Date: 2008-10-10
Image Number: 27223
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal, Day 12: Our guide was one of those guys who had that weird light around him. Glow-in-dark iPOD. $99 at Target. We felt safe with him. Don't eat at that Taco Bell. Bad cheese. Nodung River that way, behind Starbuck! Go! Save John McCain honor from fetid prison camp! He knew the ways of the natives. Because he was one. Mmm... I love the smell of hazelnut latte in the morning.
     
260. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-03 feel 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-03 Pub. Date: 2008-10-03
Image Number: 27048
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal: Day Four… Boot Camp almost over. Can you believe we're going to be embedded journalists? I look at the innocent faces. Kids, soon to be men. Hey, how come you never answer me? I don't dare get too close to them. Don't dare feel. Anything. Is this 'cause I took the top bunk? Awful truth is, some of them won't make it out of here alive.
     
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