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Candorville

Comics about families.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-26 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-26 Pub. Date: 2017-03-26
Image Number: 155437
Caption: Yesterday, I visited my 97-year-old grandpa for the first time in six months. Dr. Noodle. He opened his door. I said "Grandpa! I missed you!" He looked me up and down and said "You gained a pound." It was all I could think about the whole time. As I drove him to his favorite restaurant, I was worried the seatbelt made me look bulgy ... When we ordered, I felt like he was judging my choices and so I only ordered crackers and water. When I hugged him goodbye, I sucked my gut in as hard as I could. Why don't we just focus on the fact he hugged you? When he hugged me, he said "You at that whole cracker."
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-12 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-12 Pub. Date: 2017-02-12
Image Number: 153753
Caption: I'll take you back on one condition: No more cheating. Ok. Also, you'd better not even look at another woman. Ok. And you have to give me all your passwords so I can monitor all your social media accounts. Ok. And you have to go to counseling with me and admit how horrible a person you are. And you have to come home straight after work. And you have to get my permission to go anywhere else. And you can't talk to any females other than me or your mother. And you have to let me handle all your finances. And you have to keep quiet when my friends and family treat you like the trash you are for the rest of your life. I thought you said one condition. "Your life being over" IS one condition. Note to self: Never, ever, ever say "take me back."
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-11 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-11 Pub. Date: 2016-12-11
Image Number: 151363
Caption: Grandpa's 97th birthday is coming up. I have no idea how to time my gifts for him. Dr. Noodle. What do you mean "time" gifts? One year, I bought him a new set of dominoes, and he hated it. He gave it to the mailman. The next year, my sister bought him the very same set, and he loved it. He brags about it to me all the time. The next year, I bought him a gold pocket watch. He gave that to the pizza delivery guy. My sister gave him the same one the following year and he loves it so much that he's always putting it in my face and asking me what time it is. Maybe we should talk about the concept of "denial." Ok. But after we talk about why I keep picking the right presents in the wrong years.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-04 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-04 Pub. Date: 2016-11-04
Image Number: 150475
Caption: 1982. What do you think life'll be like in, say … 2012? Well if you look at the arc of mankind's progress, it'll be very different. We went from the Wright Brothers to the moon in just 66 years! At this rate, we'll have colonized Alpha Centauri and the Klingons by 2012. Plus, we'll all be rich. Momma says every generation does better than its parents. I'll probably be the first one in my family to ever own a home. Not on Mars, though, that'd just be ghetto. Wow, I can't wait till 2012!
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-06 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-06 Pub. Date: 2016-09-06
Image Number: 148215
Caption: This just in: Astronomers discover an earthlike planet orbiting the nearest star, Proxima Centauri. Click Some are starting to question whether there's proof Donald Trump's grandfather immigrated from Germany. He could have come from anywhere. Click ... Proxima Centauri is just 4.24 light years away. In cosmic terms that's right next door. This end up.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-30 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147920
Caption: That trailer for Eddie Murphy's "Mr. Church" don't look like nothin' but "Driving Miss Daisy Part 2." It look like it literally a film about a brotha who spend decades serving white people an' tryin' to be part of they family instead of makin' his own. I was willin' to look the other way when he was talkin' to animals, and when a tree made him shut up for a whole movie, an' when he played a donkey. But when he play a black man who want nothin' outta life but to cook grits for two white women, I draw the line. It's a true story!!! That makes it ok.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-24 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-24 Pub. Date: 2016-07-24
Image Number: 145560
Caption: It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-10 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-10 Pub. Date: 2016-07-10
Image Number: 144955
Caption: Let's watch "Lou Grant" on Hulu. "Lou Grant"? Ain't that that show your momma used to watch when we was kids? Yeah. I ran out of things to watch, so I figured I'd finally check out some of the shows that bored me to death when I was young. It was really depressing. If it was depressin', why you wanna watch it? I mean it's depressing how good it is. Our parents' generation had writers and actors who knew how to use mature, flawed characters to tell stories that really examined human nature in all its intricacies. And it's set in a major newspaper back when they were still widely read and mostly family-owned, and saw what they did as a calling. When I think of all the time I wasted watching "Sesame Street" when I could've watched this ... I don't watch nothin' older than the milk in my fridge, bruh. That's policy.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-04 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-04 Pub. Date: 2016-07-04
Image Number: 145502
Caption: I'm tired of liberals talking about that outspoken gun advocate who used her gun to shoot her own daughters. One little thing she did wrong doesn't change the fact that she was right when she used to say she needed guns to protect her family Are you serious? And I'm tired of libs trying to create some "pattern" from the 30,000 isolated incidents that happen every year.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-25 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-25 Pub. Date: 2016-06-25
Image Number: 144902
Caption: Sir, I just found out Gary earns 15% more than I do. I'd like an explanation. Well, it's simple, Garcia: Gary has a wife to support. You don't. That's why he's paid more.. Seriously, sir? That explanations the worst. But earlier you said you'd "like" it. You lied. And you wonder why Gary's paid more.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-09 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-09 Pub. Date: 2016-03-09
Image Number: 140180
Caption: I demand the right to fire Dick Fink, sir. He's incompetent, he's a snake, and I'm pretty sure he's the one who put that family of skunks in my desk. I'm still not sure I buy the skunks, Garcia which reminds me, did you ever complete that course on personal hygiene? Don't change the subject. Dick Fink wants my job, sir. He's been trying to ruin me ... for years. I'm not imagining this. I know ... I sound paranoid. But that's all part of his secret plan. Take the rest of the day off, Garcia.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-08 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-08 Pub. Date: 2016-03-08
Image Number: 140179
Caption: My assistant, Dick Fink, somehow removed all the glass from my windows and I nearly plummeted to my death. I need to fire him, sir. Don't you think you're being just a tiny bit hysterical, Garcia? You're not sure it was him. And the man has a family to support. Whatever it is, work it out. Does he have something on you, Mr. Fitzhugh? You're always protecting him. Does he know some dirty secret? Of course not. By the way, totally unrelated ... let's whisper when we discuss Fink ... just for kicks. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-03 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-03 Pub. Date: 2016-01-03
Image Number: 136827
Caption: I get tired of everything, doc. And I mean EVERYTHING. Dr. Noodle. I used to love classical music, but now I can't stand it. I got tired of my wife and kids, so I left and found a new wife and had new kids. Then I got tired of them and tried going back to the old ones. But there was a new guy there. So I tried going back to the new ones, but they told me to get lost. I got tired of DirectTV so I switched to Dish Network. Let's go back to your wife and kids. Unless you're tired of that topic. I think I'd like to try a new therapist.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-11-18 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-11-18 Pub. Date: 2015-11-18
Image Number: 135315
Caption: Whachoo gon' do for Thanksgiving, Big L? Visit momma. Lionel's almost three, and she hasn't seen him in months. She's going to be so surprised when I show up with my boy, a turkey dinner and flowers. She ain't know you comin'? What if she ain't there? Well, then me missing Thanksgiving would be HER fault ... and the only logical thing for Lionel and me to do would be to camp out at the theater and wait 'till "Star Wars" opens. I see what game you runnin' bruh. You ain't slick.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-27 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-27 Pub. Date: 2015-09-27
Image Number: 132520
Caption: When someone says "Black Lives Matter," I respond by saying "All Lives Matter." Because I don't see color. But if you "don't see color," you can't see that young black men are far more likely to be shot unnecessarily by police than men of any other color. And you can't solve a problem if you can't even see it exists. It felt food to stand up for equality. So I didn't stop there. What do you mean? OWS protester love of red velvet cake. Daily Nut Job. Obama wet bed as child, covered it up. Goodnight Grandpa. I came across a "breast cancer survivor" meeting at the rec center. I poked my head in and shouted "All Cancer is Bad." By the looks on their faces, I could tell some of them realized they'd been totally horrible for acting like their cancer was so much more important than other cancers. Also confesses to having red "Little Red Riding Hood." Exoneration. I came across a funeral this morning, and after the eulogy I reminded the family that all people die, and that it's wrong of them to act like this one was more special than the rest of us. Has aversion to pepper spray. Why?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-18 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-18 Pub. Date: 2015-08-18
Image Number: 131275
Caption: I don't see why you wanna buy a house, Big L. Because that's how families build wealth. I want to own something I could leave to my son that'll change his life. Yeh, but then you gotta sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. I have more faith in my son than that, Clyde. Make sure you write a living will, is all I'm sayin'.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-21 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-21 Pub. Date: 2015-07-21
Image Number: 129957
Caption: Lionel asked me if he has a grandpa, and I didn't know what to tell him, Susan. How do I tell a two-year-old that I never knew my father, my mom refuses to even tell me his name and that his other grandfather disappeared overseas after the FEDs raided his corporation? So I just put on "Sesame Street" and pretended to fall asleep.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-11 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-11 Pub. Date: 2015-02-11
Image Number: 122691
Caption: The Chronicle wants to hire me back and send me to cover the whole ISIS thing. Dr. Noodle. A few years ago, I'd have jumped at the chance, no matter how dangerous it is over there for journalists, because the truth is more important than me. But now, all I can think of is that my baby boy needs me. I'm his whole world. That makes me more important than anything. Does that make me a responsible parent, or a raging narcissist? A little raging narcissism is a good thing. Ph.D.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-10 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-10 Pub. Date: 2015-01-10
Image Number: 121081
Caption: I don't have any family heirlooms to give to my little boy, Susan. What? You know, like a cool old watch, or a mysterious old ring. Something to connect him to his past. That's what you're for, Lemont. You mean when I die, I should have them turn my ashes into a ring? No, that's ... wait, they can do that?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-21 family 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-21 Pub. Date: 2014-12-21
Image Number: 119939
Caption: When other people get attention, I'm not jealous, I'm happy for them. That's just the kinda guy I am. Like when my little brother, Halloween, has his day, I'm always the first to say 'good for you.' Everyone gets a turn to shine. I always get the whole month of November to myself, after all ... at least till Black Friday officially puts the spotlight on my big brother, Christmas. But this year, Chris sent out 'Black Friday' ads the day after Halloween! People just skipped right over me! The middle child usually has it rough. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for that overrated @*$%.
     
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